Unspoken Wishes
by Roselina4389
Summary: Severus Snape and Lily Evans have finally graduated from Hogwarts, but things are not the same. Severus is besotted with Lily, while Lily is engaged to James. Petunia Evans, on the other hand, is slowly falling for Severus Snape. Will her feelings amount to anything and will Severus ever love another? {Sevtunia Story} {Two-Sided}
1. Long Time, No See

**Author's Note: **I am absolutely excited to start this story and can only hope that all of you will love it too :) Review your opinions ^_^

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter One**

**"Long Time, No See"**

* * *

**PART ONE**

**Late June, 1978.**

Petunia Evans was nineteen and a half years old when an amazing series of events started to change her life in a way she had never considered possible. But before everything began to change wonderfully for her, Petunia had one chief grievance...her younger sister, Lily Evans.

Petunia shared a very complicated and delicate relationship with her sister. Despite being older, she always seemed to be overshadowed by the young woman. Whether in talents, looks, or affection, Lily always won and Petunia was weary of it. Not only did her parents dote on Lily and usually ignore her, but everybody around her seemed to do the same. But it wasn't just the fact that Lily always got better grades, received more compliments, got engaged first (even though she was younger) or was the gem of the family; It was the fact that Lily once again got chosen by whatever power was above...and got granted the ability to do magic.

That, naturally, had been the final straw.

All her life Petunia had longed to be special, to be a witch just like her sister...even if she denied it passionately. And now, even as an adult, she still craved it. Craved it so desperately that it was like a deep ache in her chest. An ache that had never quenched, no matter how many pretenses she put up showcasing herself as someone who hated anything magical or out of the ordinary.

Briefly, it was painful and difficult to see the younger sister you had loved so much to grow up to be better than you, more loved than you, more talented than you, and finally be more special than you in any way there could be...by being magical. And then expect you to cope with it just as you had coped with her other superior capabilities.

This particular evening, Petunia was sitting on her bed and finishing her college assignment. It was a typical practice, but these days it was accompanied by loud talking and laughing from downstairs.

Lily was home for the holidays. She had graduated from her school and their parents had been ecstatic to welcome her home. Petunia, however, had been worried about the extended amount of time she would have to spend with her sister now that she wasn't going to be going back to that school again.

Not that Petunia suspected that Lily would be leaving soon, anyhow. She was, as previously mentioned, engaged. Her fiance' was an untidy-haired, bespectacled man who Petunia couldn't help hating with a passion. Arrogant, rude, noisy, and deeply in love with her sister, James Potter was the definition of a prat. But Lily had been swept off her feet and Petunia scowled as she realized that she had yet to find _her_ Prince Charming-and she was older! Petunia had known that Lily would have found suitors the moment she set foot into her stupid school, but it was more than a little overdue for her.

Petunia's pencil was starting to break her paper in her resentment. She put it down and took big, deep breaths. She stood up and walked over to her window. She could see the Playground outside. Grassy, almost always abandoned, and adorned by a rusted swings-set, it used to be one of her childhood self's favourite places to go to. Until...no, she was not indulging in any more negative thoughts. She was going to calm down.

Petunia twitched the curtains close.

XXX

Severus toweled his face dry, then stared at himself in the conjured mirror hanging on the wall. Almost everything in the room was conjured. The towel, the basin of water he had been using, the mattress on the floor he had been napping on...

It wasn't everyday you got kicked out of your home, but to Severus Snape, it wasn't very unexpected either. He was surprised it had taken his father so long. Tobias Snape had never liked him, and he had liked his magical abilities even less. So the minute he had knocked on the crumbling door of his house, back from his last year at Hogwarts and eager to tell his mother about what he hoped his N.E.W.T. results would be, he had been grabbed by the collar, forced to argue vehemently with his infuriating father, and then kicked out of his own home.

After swearing profusely at the slammed door, he had gone property hunting.

And now he was currently vacating an old, run-down shed. It had been abandoned and decent enough to inhabit until he got a better place, and so Severus had taken it for himself.

Severus brushed the shabby jacket he was wearing and then looked at the mirror again. He had to look perfect today. Under no circumstances was he going to be rejected. Because Severus's plan was to apologize to Lily and win her back. He sincerely hoped that her resentment towards him had mellowed down after two years of them being apart.

Brushing a strand of hair away from his face, Severus steeled himself for what he was about to do. If this went right, Lily would be his friend again within an hour. And everything would finally be back to normal.

XXX

**A Couple of Hours Later...**

Lily Evans and James Potter were sitting in the living-room, eating crisps and talking animatedly. Petunia was making herself coffee in the kitchen and ignoring them.

James trailed a hand through Lily's hair as she cuddled close to him.

"It's so nice not to have mum and dad at home. Just you and me alone," she said.

"Mmm. And I'll be here the entire weekend, so we can go out for dinner sometime too."

"Oh, James!" Lily flushed happily. "I'd love that!"

She leant up to kiss him on the cheek and then flinched slightly as a series of loud knocks came from the door. Petunia poked her head out of the kitchen but Lily was on it.

"I'll get it," she said cheerfully, getting up from the couch and moving towards the door. "Yes?" She asked, swinging the door open. Then she froze, her face paling.

She stared in disbelief out of the door as a shocked silence filled the room.

Petunia angled her head, trying to see who was outside. She was very confused when she saw a tall, young man and curiously went closer, keeping herself hidden from view all the while.

Lily's eyes were very nearly bulging out of their sockets. There, standing on her doorstep and looking very nervously at her, was Severus Snape.

"Severus? What are _you_ doing here?" Lily's voice was a harsh whisper when she finally recovered.

Severus was laughing shakily as he ran a hand through his hair. "Er, Lily. Hello." He said. "Can I come inside?" He stared at her calmly but his eyes were pleading.

"No, you cannot! Go away!" She held the door between them, looking suspicious and horrified. What was he _doing_ here?

Petunia couldn't hear very well yet. She tried to find a closer spot. Then she stared hard at the young man. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but she had definitely seen him before somewhere. But where? The thought was bothering her.

"Who is it, Lily?" James asked. He walked over to the two of them curiously, then stopped short when he saw who was outside.

Snape's face went absolutely white. "What is _he_ doing here?" He blurted out angrily before he could stop himself.

Lily was indignant. "What the hell do you mean by that, Severus?" She demanded. "He's my boyfriend!"

Petunia felt like she had been hit in the stomach with a club. Of course. She _did _know him after all; he was that...he was that Snape boy!

She blinked, then flushed. He wasn't a boy at all anymore. He was rather tall and his face even held a little bit of stubble, which was actually rather...endearing. And his voice was so deep and...and he had just changed so much! Petunia couldn't believe just how much, it was shocking to see the little boy she had insulted and ridiculed mercilessly look so old and mature. He was actually almost attractive.

She suddenly gagged. He was a freak and she used to hate him! How could she think such thoughts? It was disgusting! She shook herself. She was obviously very tired from college and needed some rest.

Besides, no wonder she was a little shocked. Ever since Lily had broken her friendship with Snape, Petunia had never seen him again and had eventually forgotten all about him. In fact, she had stopped seeing him after he was 13 or 14, as she had kept herself further and further away from her sister and he had started to visit the house less often. It was startling to see him now, and she suddenly realized that she had often occasionally wondered how he was faring but had then pushed those thoughts aside.

James was still looking shocked but Lily's comment seemed to rouse him. "What do you think you're doing here, Snivellus?" He growled, sneering.

Snape's hands clenched into fists. "I need to talk to Lily. Alone."

"Well, _I_ don't want to talk, Severus," Lily hissed. "I want you to leave immediately,"

"But-"

"Well, what did you think, Snivellus?" James demanded, sneering even more now. "That you'd come running back here for forgiveness and she'd welcome you back with open arms? Well, think again. We all know how evil and twisted you are, and even worse, you're a _Death Eater_. Are your psycho friends around the corner, ready to ambush us or what?"

"You-you shut your mouth," Severus growled, scarlet, his fists clenching even tighter.

"Oh, I'm sorry. They say the truth hurts, though,"

"James," Lily said rebukingly. "Enough,"

But James was on a roll. "Anyway, Snivelly, you're too late. Lily and I are dating now, in case your thick skull couldn't comprehend it, while you're still fantasizing about the day she'll come running back to you. In fact, forget dating, we're _engaged_. Expect a wedding date any time soon."

And that was about the limit of Severus's tolerance.

"You bloody _bastard_-" Severus came forward in a blur, raised his fist and-_thwack_-punched James hard across the face. James stumbled as Lily shrieked and Petunia gasped. But he managed to regain his balance awkwardly and aim a punch back at Severus.

Severus stumbled too, then. He turned around, absolutely furious, and raised his fist again.

"No!" Lily grabbed hold of Severus's arm. "Stop it, stop!"

James wiped his mouth, shaken up. "What? Unable to handle reality any longer, Snivelly?"

Severus wrenched himself away from Lily's hold and glared hard at James. He stared at him hatefully for a few ferocious seconds, then turned around. He walked out the door, down the street, and out of sight.

He left a shocked and startled silence in his wake.

XXX

Petunia finally allowed herself to come into view. She was very shaken up by what had happened. Seeing Lily and James antagonize Snape, and then Snape retaliate in that way...it was just shocking. She walked over to Lily and James timidly.

Lily was sitting on the couch, defeated, head in her hands. James was still muttering foul names for Snape.

"How _dare_ he try to hit me! What was his problem? Why the hell did he come here anyway?"

"I don't know, I don't know. I don't know what he wanted. We broke friends, but he always tried to fix things even though I told him I wanted nothing to do with him, a Death Eater. But he's-he's not a Death Eater, is he? I don't think-"

"He will be, though, there's no doubt about that!"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Let's forget about it," James let out a deep sigh, "Nothing can ruin a moment better than a Slytherin, eh?"

Lily didn't reply, but Petunia did.

"Why do you guys seem to hate him so much?"

James looked irritated by the sight of her but she ignored him. Lily bristled.

"Oh no reason, Petunia, except the fact that he called me a Mudblood!"

"But he wanted to talk,"

"Would _you_ try talking to a terrorist, Petunia? You have no idea what he's done, what he is!"

"He seemed more like an average teenager than a terrorist-" Petunia had no idea what she was saying and what exactly she was trying to do.

"Why are you defending him?" Lily's eyes were slits. "Don't you hate him? Didn't you call him a freak? What's wrong now?"

Petunia flushed. "I just wanted to know-"

"Look Evans, you haven't spent seven years with him, have you?" James piped in.

"No, but-"

"Then you have no idea," he said dramatically.

Petunia scowled, turned on her heel, and left the room.

XXX

Severus grabbed the mirror hanging on the wall and threw it hard on the floor so it shattered into a million pieces, covering the ground.

He had never been so furious before, he felt like murdering someone.

Potter could do anything; bully, prank, torment, but if _he_ did anything he was evil? Subjected to the stereotypes associated with Slytherins?

Well he was _done_ grovelling at people's feet. Potter was going to pay and pay dearly.

XXX

Petunia couldn't stop thinking about what had happened a few days ago. Couldn't stop thinking about Snape.

And that was crazy. When she had been younger, she had absolutely hated Snape. She had mocked and insulted him and even done her best to make him cry by insulting his family and shabby clothes.

And now, she couldn't get him out of her head. The entire scenario kept replaying in her mind. She couldn't stop marvelling at how much Snape had changed. She scowled. She had to get over it. What was wrong with her!?

Eventually Petunia grew bored and wandered out of her room. She definitely needed the fresh air.

She strolled carelessly down the stairs and grabbed a piece of toast from the kitchen. Without really thinking, she opened the door and left the house. She walked down the street, nibbling on the toast and enjoying the fresh air.

Soon, she started to see the Playground in the distance. She automatically walked over to it and opened the rusty gates.

"I haven't been here in years…" She whispered to herself. A fresh wave of nostalgia hit her as she saw the overgrown grass, the rusted swings standing untouched, the weeds and daisies growing in random patches all over.

She walked further and further inside. It was just as deserted as it used to be.

She suddenly squinted.

There, sitting under the tree, was somebody reading a book, looking very, very bad-tempered.

Petunia went closer, curious. And then she stopped short. Her toast slipped from her limp fingers and fell to the ground.

Snape.

XXX

Snape was dressed in a shabby coat and was scowling as he read his book. He did not notice her.

Petunia struggled to find her voice. When she did, she cleared her throat nervously.

This caused Snape's head to shoot up, and he blinked at her confusedly.

Petunia's heart thudded in her chest. Why was she so nervous? "H-hey. I was wondering about what that drama was that happened with you and Lily a few days ago..." she mumbled.

Severus didn't respond at first. He stared at her, evidently confused and rather startled. Then comprehension dawned on his features.

"Oh," he said. "You're that Evans girl, aren't you? Lily's sister?" He blinked. "I haven't see _you _in a while."

Petunia felt surprisingly hurt that he had forgotten her, even briefly. She scowled, some of her confidence back, and folded her arms across her chest. "Forgotten all about me, have you, _Snape_?"

Snape's eyes narrowed. "What do you want, Muggle?"

"I thought I just asked you a question."

Snape scowled at her. "Still as nosy as you used to be, aren't you? Mind your own business."

Petunia bristled, "I have a right to know what happened! She's my sister, you know!"

Severus snorted. "Thought you hated her,"

"Just answer my question!" Petunia was starting to feel humiliated and angry.

Severus suddenly shot to his feet. Petunia backed away, surprised.

"I came to try to talk to her but it didn't work out. Then I got into a fight with Potter, and left. That's all." He was jamming his book in his jacket pocket, making to leave. "Satisfied?"

"Why's she mad at you?" Petunia couldn't help asking.

Snape's jaw clenched. "Leave. Me. Alone." his voice was harsh and deadly.

Taken aback, Petunia's only defense was to be spiteful. "Make me," her pale eyes-so different from Snape's dark ones-narrowed.

Petunia suddenly realised that this wasn't a very good idea. Snape had left school and was allowed to do magic now, as Lily was. She didn't want to be turned into a teacup or something worse!

But Snape only shot her a dirty look, turned on his heel, and stormed out of the playground. Petunia huffed and left too, extremely disappointed and bitter.

XXX

Petunia returned to the Playground the very next day. She had no clear reason why. Maybe she wanted to show Snape that she wasn't scared of him. She also wanted to see him again. Why she did, was a mystery, even to her.

The first time she went, he was not there. The second time she went-without much hope-she saw him sitting on one of the swings, reading the same book. He had looked up, glared at her hatefully, then jumped off the swing and left.

Offended, Petunia had left too. She was done with him, that was for sure!

A few days later, she went again. Just to annoy him, of course. No other reason.

She made a game out of it; whenever she went (which was often) the two of them would seek each other out, glare at each other, and then keep out of each other's way to the best of their abilities. Petunia always pretended she came to meet someone or pick flowers. She hoped she was convincing enough.

She had no idea what she was doing, and she knew it was ridiculous, but Petunia couldn't deny the feeling of...of...what exactly? She didn't really like Snape, did she? It was all very strange but it was pastime, she supposed.

However, she decided not to go today. Not that she could, anyway. Mum had asked her to help prepare Lily and Potter's special dinner and she had no way out.

But why, besides the annoyance of having to cook for those two idiots, was she so disappointed? She definitely needed to sort out her thoughts.

XXX

Severus narrowed his eyes as he stared around the playground thrice, making sure that Evans was not there.

When he was sure that she was nowhere to be seen, he rested his elbows against the rusty gates and wondered _why_ she wasn't there.

The girl came almost every single day. She didn't really seem to have any errands or any specific purpose. It was almost like she came to see...him.

But why would she? Was she a spy sent by Potter or Lily? To see how the poor, grief-stricken Severus was coping?

His face flushed in his anger and he straightened. Discomfited, he stared up at the darkening sky. There was a deep ache in his chest as he thought of Lily and he took a deep breath. He had nowhere to go, and no purpose to life as of yet. Lily was never going to be his and he didn't want anyone else.

What was he going to do?


	2. A Fight

**Author's Note: **Enjoy.

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Two**

**"A Fight"**

* * *

Petunia was left absolutely repulsed after the evening's events.

Potter spent the entire time flattering and buttering and sucking up to her parents, until Petunia thought that she was going to be sick. Her parents had looked very approving, especially when they had seen how 'respectful' he was and noted down how rich. Lily had been beaming throughout this ordeal.

Potter left the house that night satisfied, but Petunia felt absolutely disgusted.

To make things worse, her parents then started to show unwelcome concerns about _her_ marriage plans.

"I don't _want_ to get married yet! I want to study some more, you know that mum,"

"I do know, Petunia," Mrs Evans said. "But isn't it time you look for a man like Lily? Besides, just because you're studying doesn't mean you can't keep your eye on someone…"

"Mum!" Petunia cried.

"Now, now, Petunia, your mother just wants the best for you," Mr Evans said consolingly.

The best? Her mother had more or less ignored her for her entire life! It was always Lily this, and Lily that. It was very exciting to have a witch for a daughter, Petunia got that, but why did it have to mean that her other daughter didn't exist?

Besides, Petunia knew full well that she was the most unattractive woman on the planet. Only the most desperate of men would ever want her!

She burst into tears at the thought and ran out of the dining room, just as Lily came inside to levitate the remaining dirty plates with her wand.

"What's wrong with her?" She asked, her eyebrows raised.

Mr and Mrs Evans exchanged worried looks.

"We don't know," Mrs Evans said. "But we wish we did…"

That night Petunia cried herself to sleep, wondering who in the world would ever think of marrying her…

XXX

Severus jerked awake, his hands clenching the bedsheet. He panted hard for a few moments, then sat up. Another nightmare.

His hair was mussed and untidy, and he smoothed it down carelessly. He conjured himself a glass of water and drank it in deep gulps. Then he lay back down on the mattress.

He knew that this shed would not do, but he had other things on his mind besides property hunting. So many things that he hadn't even bothered to conjure himself a proper bed to sleep on. He was doing with a mattress at the moment, and it wasn't very comfortable.

Severus lay staring up at the ceiling for a few moments...then he jumped off the mattress, dressed hurriedly, and walked out of the shedhouse. A good nighttime stroll could do wonders and would help him recover from the aftershocks of the nightmare.

A few minutes later he was walking down the moonlit street, staring at the uneven pavements, with no clear idea where he was going. After a while, though, his feet automatically began to trace a familiar path down to Lily's neighbourhood.

Merlin, he couldn't seem to think about anything but Lily these days. How she smelled, how she laughed, her bright green eyes that he could just drown in...her scowl whenever she saw him nowadays.

Severus just didn't see what was so wrong about learning about the Dark Arts. It wasn't like he was _practicing_ it...much?

He sighed deeply and kept on walking until he found himself facing Lily's house. To his surprise, a light was open in one room and it's windows were open too!

Severus could see pink walls. This was definitely Lily's room, he was certain of it!

He excitedly crept to the side, keeping Lily's window in sight. Then he called out desperately, "Lily!"

There was no answer.

Severus tried again, more loudly. "Lily! Look out, please!"

Still no response.

Dismayed and disappointed, Severus turned to leave when he saw some movement at the window. Somebody poked their head out, their long, neat braid swinging out...

Severus felt himself smile in relief. Lily had come after all! But then he noticed something startling...the braid was not red, like Lily's hair was...It was blonde!

He could have smacked itself! It wasn't Lily after all, it was that Evans girl!

"Great," he muttered, sliding out of view, two high red spots of colour on his cheeks.

Evans's pale eyes were widened with shock as they sought him out. "Wait! What're you doing here? Don't go!"

But Severus was already making his way rapidly back the way he had come. He could still feel Evans staring at his back as he went further and further away.

XXX

Petunia was _furious_ the next morning. She knew exactly what Snape had been doing. He had been trying to call out for Lily, Romeo-style! She still had no idea why everyone was so obsessed with her stupid little sister!

Well, she had _had_ it. Angry and rather jealous-though she would never admit it, even to herself-she stomped down to the Playground after breakfast, and then marched over to the gates at the other side, intending to have a word with Snape.

She nearly bumped into the young man as he was crossing the street.

Petunia blushed but kept her glare intact. "I was meaning to talk to you," she said loftily.

Severus raised his eyebrows. "You were?"

"Yes! It's about what happened last night-"

Severus flushed briefly, then said evenly, "Is that so? Well, I apologize if I disturbed you, I didn't mean to wake you up or anything-"

"You were there to see Lily," Petunia said accusingly, folding her arms across her chest.

Severus stared at her, frowning, not saying a word. Where was this going?

Petunia just wanted him to see some sense, she really did. "It's no use, don't you see? She's engaged! Potter and her are going to be married and nothing's going to change her mind about that, _nothing_. Why can't you just stop pining after her like everybody else!?"

Severus flushed violently. "You have no idea what you're talking about," he said dangerously. "So keep your mouth shut."

"I don't? For your information, I was _there_ when my parents agreed to their marriage," Petunia jeered.

Severus felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. "I don't want to hear about it, I don't care! What's your problem?" He demanded.

"You don't care? You look like you're going to cry," Petunia sneered.

Severus looked like he would like nothing better than to hit her. He gritted his teeth and said in a voice that was forcedly calm, "Get out of my way,"

Petunia took a deep breath, affronted. "Did I strike a nerve?" She asked contemptuously.

Severus whipped out his wand so quickly that she stumbled behind.

"I-I dare you to use that on me!" She gasped as he pointed it at her threateningly.

Severus glared hard at her, then pushed past her and continued on his way, his wand still clutched tightly in his hand.

XXX

Severus was still fuming over what that Evans girl had said to him. He really had wanted nothing more than to hex her at that time. Why did she always have to be such an infuriating little prat?

Bitter, he chopped up the vegetables he had bought from the local grocery store and listened to his pan of water boil. Long minutes ticked by in silence...

And then there was a knock on the door. Confused and rather alert, he took out his wand, wondering who in the world would visit him.

He walked over to the door and opened it cautiously. Somebody hooded was standing outside.

"You live here?" They asked, rather rudely.

"For the time being. Who are you?" Severus still had his wand trained in front of him.

The man took off his hood. It was Avery, his old school friend. "Hello, Severus."

"Avery? What are you doing here?"

"We are doing a ceremony tonight. I know you are not a Death Eater, but you wanted to be one, didn't you? You're capable enough anyway. Well, here's a letter containing all the details as to where you need to show up and when. We'd like it if you came, and perhaps things can progress from there and you can meet the Dark Lord."

"I'll see," Severus said composedly. "I may come,"

"Good. Well, I'll be off now,"

"Right…" Severus said. "By the way, how did you know I lived here?"

"I'm a Death Eater, Severus, it was rather easy for me to track you down. It's what we do,"

"Oh," Severus said, eyebrows raised. "I see. Well, goodbye,"

Avery nodded and walked a bit before apparating away.

Severus closed the door, clutching the letter, and made to his room. He sat down on the mattress and opened the letter, reading it's contents.

_Tonight, 10 pm. The deserted plain near Court Street._

He folded up the paper and slipped it into his trouser pocket.

XXX

Severus crept out of his house that night at 9:45, dressed in a rather patched black coat (but it was going to be dark) and his old, borrowed robes. He hurried down the lane, hoping he would reach in time.

It took him quite a while to get to the "deserted plain near Court Street", but when he did get there, there was no one about.

"Hello?" He called out reluctantly.

There was a sharp movement and suddenly he felt himself being pushed face-down into the ground, his arms clutched together behind him.

He struggled, but a voice behind him made him still.

"Severus?"

"What are you doing?" Severus demanded.

"I thought it was...never mind, get up," Avery helped him up.

Severus got to his feet, scowling at him. Avery shrugged.

"Security. Sorry. I didn't think you'd come,"

"I had nothing else to do. Good to see you again, though I'd rather you don't assault me in the future," Severus said slightly resentfully, rubbing his sore arm.

They nodded at each other.

"The others are further down the plain. The Dark Lord isn't here tonight, he had some errand to do-" Severus repressed a shiver. "Come on,"

Severus followed him down the plain, brushing the dirt off his clothes.

XXX

"I _hate_ him!" Petunia announced to the empty room angrily as she made her bed. Severus Snape was a git! She was never going to see or talk to him ever again! In fact, she didn't even want to hear his stupid name again!

Scowling, she flipped down on her bed. She felt like crying. The way Snape had treated her, even when she had sympathised with Lily's treatment towards him (well he didn't know about it but still) had been appalling. The way he had snapped at her, looked at her in such hatred, when her own feelings for him were...were…

Were nothing! She had never liked him, and never would. Just because he had grown up and was now tall and attrac-

Petunia let out a cry of frustration. She couldn't let this continue! He didn't even see her as his equal and he insulted her at every turn...how could she like somebody like that?

When Petunia lay on her side and stared out the window and at the clear night sky, she couldn't help wishing that Snape had been calling out for _her_ that night, not Lily.

Once again, she was being overshadowed by her younger sister. But this time she wasn't even sure why she really cared so much about it…

XXX

Severus had been enjoying himself at first. But then things had taken a very, very wrong turn.

He had talked to his old friends and met with new people, and they had all treated him with respect and dignity and told him that he would be a good addition to their group.

Then they had showed off their knowledge about spells and books and Severus had been particularly arrogant.

But then, after the night was over, and everyone had bid each other farewell and expressed their wishes for another meeting soon, something awful had happened.

Severus, thoroughly satisfied with how the night had gone, had made his way back home when somebody stopped him in the middle of the way.

Severus narrowed his eyes as he recognized the man. "What do you want, Kennedy?"

The Death Eater smiled at him slyly, and said in a haughty voice, "Nothing at all, Severus. Why so hostile? Aren't we on the same side?..."

Severus hated Kennedy, even when they had been at school together. The man had always mocked him, always looked down at him for various reasons...for being poor and of low status. For being a half-blood.

"It's getting late and I need to get home. Get out of my way," Severus said coldly.

"Now, now, Severus, that isn't very polite! Speaking of home, where are you currently living anyway? In that same hovel as before? Is your Muggle father and Muggle-loving mother still there too?"

Severus's hand clenched around the handle of his wand in his jacket pocket. "What do you want, Kennedy? A fight?"

"Oh no, I was just trying to make some small talk, Severus…"

"Forgive me but I do not have the tolerance or energy right now to deal with dimwitted, egoistic little prats like you. We can talk some other time...when I get the patience to endure your pathetic little jabs at me,"

Kennedy flushed violently. "Why you…"

Severus laughed harshly. "Go home, Kennedy."

The man's face darkened. He whipped out his wand angrily and slashed at the air. Before Severus could do anything, he was thrown off-balance and was pushed hard into a nearby tree.

He struggled to stand up but Kennedy aimed another spell at him. This time Severus managed to take out his own wand and block it.

Furious, he stood up and then cried out, "_Sectumsempra_!" spitefully.

Kennedy let out a pained cry and Severus heard a sickening slash...the burly man fell to the ground, twitching and grasping his bloody face.

The impact from the tree was still causing Severus's head to throb. He was so angry he could barely breathe...

Unsure whether to finish Kennedy off or leave him be, he looked down at the fallen man with disdain.

Kennedy looked up, a scar cutting through his left cheek. "I'll get you for this…"

Severus opened his mouth but, once again, was hexed hard. He fell painfully somewhere far, feeling disoriented.

Kennedy was livid. He kept aiming curse after curse at Severus as the young man struggled to defend himself. He felt blood from his scraped arms trickle onto the grass.

"Get away-" he said weakly as Kennedy staggered closer to him. He closed his eyes, his temper rising and anger coursing through his veins.

"Get AWAY!" He shouted and a burst of magic made the other man fall down. Severus got up wrathfully, gripping his wand even tighter. Kennedy wanted a fight, then a fight he would get.


	3. Cleaning Wounds

**Author's Note: **Enjoy.

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Three**

**"Cleaning Wounds"**

* * *

Severus barely escaped with his life. But as he limped away, he knew he was more than a little damaged. If only he could get back home quick; he had some healing potions and salves in his cupboard that he could use.

Severus bit his lip and summoned all of his remaining strength. He apparated.

The experience nearly made him faint. He collapsed somewhere near that blasted Playground, staring anxiously at the deep cuts in his arms. His head hurt, his entire body was throbbing with the force of the hexs' impacts, and his lips were bleeding profusely. He had been _really_ close to dying tonight.

The battle had been fierce and savage. Even though he-despite being younger-had had the upper hand in the fight, Kennedy had nearly gotten the better of him in his rage. Severus had eventually managed to knock him unconscious, feeling close to fainting himself.

He was still angry. He would get even with Kennedy later. But for now, he had to concentrate on the problem at hand. It was dark and he needed to get back home. He closed his eyes, and attempted to stand.

When he got to his feet, a sudden dizziness made him stumble. The pain was unbearable. He gasped and suddenly fell back on the ground. And most embarrassingly, Severus actually fainted, the pain proving too much for him to endure.

XXX

Petunia screamed when she saw him slumped up near the park entrance, looking almost like a street beggar with his torn clothes and haggard, pathetic appearance. What was even more alarming was how injured he was. He not only looked paler than usual, but there were cuts and bruises all over him. She had just been on her way to the grocery store when this awful sight had met her eyes.

Petunia bit her lip hard and stared at the young man. She didn't know what else to do...She couldn't leave him here, even if she half-wanted to and even if he had been rude to her. She wasn't _that_ spiteful. Being seized by an awful feeling of pity and something else, Petunia finally decided-after several minutes of frantic decision-making-that she would help him, and rushed back to her house.

She gathered all the tonics and medicines and cotton balls she had, then ran back to Snape.

She knelt down next to him and hurriedly began to clean up the dried blood on his face, but after a while, she began to do it more tenderly. The face looked so innocent when it was asleep like this, and so much more mature for it's age...but then she blinked. What was she thinking about!? She resumed healing him, taking her time.

Eventually, by the time his bruised face had been taken care of, Snape's eyes fluttered. Petunia found herself holding her breath as those admittedly beautiful dark eyes opened up and looked at her.

Snape flinched violently and started, but she put a firm hand on his own injured one.

"Stay still. I'm just helping," she blurted.

Snape looked at her with genuine confusion and fidgeted restlessly. "_Evans?_"

Petunia bit her lip. He was _awake_, now what was she supposed to do? She wanted to run away, but she couldn't. It would make things too awkward, especially after she had just-most idiotically-blurted out that she was helping him. And besides, she...she would never get this opportunity ever again. She couldn't let it go, no matter what. That would be even more stupid of her.

"Hush. What _happened_ to you?" Petunia managed to question, even though she was feeling extremely nervous and shy.

Gosh, this was so awkward! She couldn't believe she was actually doing this! And being so close to Snape was not having a good effect on her nerves. Why was that? What was wrong with her?

"Attacked." Snape said shortly. He said nothing more for a while as she, rather consciously and painfully, cleaned up his wounds. She concentrated mainly on bandaging his hands as she couldn't bear to fix up his face, not with him looking at her with narrowed, suspicious eyes.

After a few awkward moments, Snape said, in a resigned voice, "Why are you doing this?"

"I-I saw you like this and I felt...bad."

Snape fell quiet again and stared fixedly at her as she finished up with his hands.

"You're in an awful state," Petunia remarked, stammering a little.

"I noticed," Snape said sarcastically. But then he breathed out roughly and said in a tight voice, "Thank you, I guess."

There was a jolt in Petunia's stomach and she swallowed hurriedly. She looked up at his face and suddenly let out a cry of horror.

"Oh my God! I just noticed that," she cried, her eyes wide.

Severus sat up straighter, looking uncomfortably rigid. "What? What are you-"

"You have a very deep cut," Petunia sounded terrified, her voice a squeak as she looked at his brutally scarred cheek. "Will it scar?"

"Not if-" Snape started.

"Nevermind, I've got some cream," she quickly splattered it on his cheek.

"I-I think you've helped me enough," Severus mumbled uncomfortably, struggling to sit up even straighter.

Then Petunia blushed slightly, her fingers leaving his cheek and falling by her side. Her eyes travelled downwards unconsciously, to his bleeding lips...his rather attractive, bleeding lips.

She blushed a bright crimson.

"Snape," she swallowed, tearing her eyes away from his lips. "About this. I'm-I'm not doing it because..."

"You're doing it because you feel sorry for me," Snape said bitterly, but then he laughed. "How pathetic was I looking? Will you tell Potter?"

"No," Petunia said. "No one needs to know." She squeezed her eyes shut. "I-Your...your lips are bleeding…"

Severus wiped at them clumsily, smearing the back of his hand with blood.

Petunia went on, stammering, "I've cleaned all the cuts and blood and bandaged your hands. But you need some more medical attention. Which I can't do anything about. Should I walk you to a hospital?"

Snape didn't reply and simply stared at her with slightly narrowed eyes, as if analyzing her, trying to calculate something about her.

She coughed and he suddenly said, "No. I have some potions back at my...house."

She stiffened but surprisingly nodded, not seeming offended by the magical reference.

"Thank you. You, er, didn't need to," Severus said again, when truly all he wanted was to be spiteful to her...but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Maybe he was just too tired.

Petunia nodded and helped him up. She gulped and tried to bring herself to say something but her eyes were still fixed on his lips. What the hell was wrong with her?

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked in a timid voice. "You seemed like you'd been beaten up quite badly…"

"What do you want me to say?" Snape snorted.

"Well, firstly, how were you attacked?"

"Just a misunderstanding between a man…"

"A-a Death Eater?" Petunia's voice trembled.

"How do you know about them?" Severus was genuinely surprised.

"Lily told me about them."

"I see."

"Snape, I'm sorry. For what Lily said that day," To her horror, his eyes grew so sad her heart felt like breaking.

"If I was her, I wouldn't choose Potter, I'd give you a chance-" She suddenly stilled. Had she actually said that!?

Snape stared at her in surprise, his eyebrows raised.

"I didn't mean it like that!" She cried, bright red and nearly in tears. "I'm sorry, I'll just go-"

She was about to rush away when Snape grabbed her arm hastily, causing Petunia to blush even more. "Don't be embarrassed," he said softly. "I understood what you meant to say,". Then he walked away briskly, not looking back.

Petunia watched him go, her breath hitching.

XXX

Severus stumbled the rest of the way home. When he managed to find his house, fall on the mattress in exhaustion, drink the medicinal potion and not pass out, he sat still and contemplated what had just recently occurred in his life.

He had just been healed and tended to by EVANS. Petunia bloody Evans, Lily's sister! The girl who hated him and he who hated her back!

A Muggle!

It was too embarrassing for words. How dumb must he have been looking, slumped up against the wall, mouth probably agape or something.

Severus ran a hand through his hair worriedly. What if she _did_ tell Potter or let it slip to Lily? They'd all be having a good laugh right now.

Severus gritted his teeth and felt angry, but then desisted. He was tired and he just wanted to get some rest.

But the thing that was _really_ worrying him was why he had let her. He could have easily told her to shove off, taken out his wand, and casted _Episkey_ on himself. He would have saved himself the humiliation and her the trouble.

Why hadn't he, then?

Severus bit his lip. He hadn't wanted to hurt her feelings. He had been rather surprised and flattered-for lack of a better word-that she had offered to help him, to heal him, even after he had threatened her with his wand for not shutting up. And since she had been so kind (ugh) to him–however much it hurt his pride at the time–he couldn't have helped but allowed her to help him.

Severus closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh. Why was his life so pathetic?

XXX

Petunia was hyperventilating. Actually hyperventilating. She had to get a few things straight with herself. _Now_.

She could not like Snape. Even if she thought he was one percent attractive. He was still a creep and a wizard and just...ick.

Right?

Curling herself up, Petunia tried to block out all thoughts of Snape from her mind. This wouldn't do.

She had to get help for herself. Because this would not-_could _not-continue under any circumstances.

XXX

Petunia, therefore, vowed to herself to stay far, far away from Snape. Maybe not seeing him ever again would help her to get back to her senses.

"What do you keep blushing about?" Lily asked as she made breakfast.

"What do you mean?" Petunia asked sheepishly, putting the kettle to boil.

Before Lily could reply Mr and Mrs Evans entered the kitchen, looking elated.

"Lily," Mrs Evans said. "There's wonderful news. James has thought of the perfect place for the wedding,"

"Mum," Lily said, blushing faintly. "We're not getting married now. I'm just eighteen!"

"She's just engaged. She needs to get to know him first. And realize she's making a big mistake," Petunia explained snidely, as she took the toast out of the toaster.

"I am not making a mistake. And I _do_ know him, I've gone to school with him for seven years!" Lily said angrily.

"I know for a fact that he was-_is_-a bully," Petunia said, smirking.

"What? How?" Lily narrowed her eyes.

"By you!" Petunia grinned, causing Lily to go extremely red. "You kept saying that a few years ago, remember?"

"Maybe because I was young and immature?" Lily said, still red and looking anywhere but at Petunia.

"Girls!" Mrs Evans said sharply. "Stop arguing this instant. I think this is getting out of hand. Why can't you two just agree on something for once?"

"It's not my fault, she-" Petunia began.

"Okay, okay, let's all just have breakfast now," Mr Evans said exasperatedly.

They all sat round the table, Mr and Mrs Evans looking at each other with concerned glances. Petunia was still angry and she ate forcefully while Lily did her best to pretend nothing was wrong. But she was still seething.

XXX

Severus yelped as an owl flew at him through a large crack in the wall, causing him to nearly cut his finger with the knife he was using. He put the utensil down and glared at the bird.

"Get out!" He ordered.

The owl hooted at him indignantly and motioned towards it's leg. A letter was tied to it.

Severus reached out for the letter, swore as the owl nipped at his finger in distaste, and retreated to his "bedroom".

There he opened the letter with nervous hands.

He read through it, paling a little. Then he put it down and took a deep breath.

The letter had been from Avery. It had briefly talked about his fight with Kennedy, warning him not to pick a fight with the man as he was one of the Dark Lord's favourites as well as a dangerous person. Severus snorted. Was that supposed to scare him? Severus knew he was a powerful wizard and didn't underestimate himself. He could kill Kennedy without even trying…

_Too bad yesterday didn't go too well though, _he thought bitterly.

The rest of the letter was about joining the Death Eaters. Severus just didn't know. He was wary of the entire business but he did want to gain respect. He was also very interested in the Dark Arts. Where else should he go but the Death Eaters? He just wished he knew everything that being a Death Eater entailed. Besides wanting to join his school friends, and gain acceptance, respect and glory, he had no other desire to join. He did not like being part of a "group". Even though at school he had sucked up to some of the older Slytherins for acceptance, he was more of a man who did things on his own. And he didn't like taking orders from anyone.

But it wasn't like he could say no to Avery, could he? Severus had no idea what he was going to do.


	4. Vernon Dursley

**Author's Note:** The story for how Vernon and Petunia met is different in canon. I wrote this chapter before finding out, but I hope you guys won't mind :) You can read how they met in canon on Pottermore. Enjoy!

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Four**

**"Vernon Dursley"**

* * *

Severus spent the morning lazily practicing wandless spells as he sat in the soft, parched grass of the Playground.

Severus had always been largely insecure about himself. His parents had been neglectful and emotionally abusive towards him for as long as he could remember. There were only a handful of times when they had ever shown any affection to him at all. At school, his self-esteem had been destroyed frequently and leisurely, not only by Potter, his friends and the other Gryffindors, but also by his own dorm mates.

But one thing Severus could freely admire about himself was his magical abilities. He didn't care much for anything else, nor his talent in anything athletic. All he cared about was his magic, and in the end that was what mattered most to him.

But nobody knew, and nobody praised him, nor respected him for what he was.

But maybe, just maybe, this would all change once he was a Death Eater...

XXX

Petunia twirled a long strand of blonde hair around her finger. This couldn't be happening to her. She had loved her controlled and her no-nonsense attitude. Anything out of the ordinary had been dangerous and something to be stayed away from, for her. She had told herself all of this to heal her wounds after she had been rejected from Hogwarts. But...but now what? Now she had a crush on Lily's leftovers? A crush on her old friend, whom Lily too seemed to despise now? A crush on somebody so completely different from her and her beliefs? A crush on somebody who could do _magic?_

Lily had once said that you couldn't help who you fell in love with, but that was nonsense, right? Well, Lily _had_ chosen Potter, someone cocky, arrogant and full of himself, someone who Petunia hadn't thought was her type. But Lily loved him. And maybe she liked Snape the same way.

"I _don't_ like him," she growled. "I don't!"

But his deep voice and-and his hand gripping hers, and-and…

There was just something so enticing about him! Or maybe she was just feeling like this because she hadn't had a boyfriend for a while?

Whatever the reason was, this had to stop!

"I need to get out of here," Petunia opened her door roughly and stomped downstairs. She rushed out of the house, breathing in the fresh air. A smoothie would help, it always did. If she stayed another second in her suffocating room, thinking about Snape and every stupid little thing he did, she would go _nuts_.

She hurried down the lane, feeling more flustered than she had ever felt in her life. She hated Lily, she hated Potter, she hated their stupid school friends, _especially_ Snape, and she hated everything to do with magic!

Petunia stopped, panting from all the running, feeling furious. Tears glistened in her eyes for a moment, but then she took a deep breath. It was time to calm down. She was _not_ going to hurt herself because of Lily and her stupid friends again…

She suddenly flinched as she heard a faint _slash_. She turned around and stared at the Playground, which she had passed without knowing it. It had come from there.

Gulping, she went towards the rusted gates and opened it. She could see somebody leaning against the trunk of the tree, while something floated in the air in front of him.

_Get out of here _now_, Petunia_, her conscience ordered.

Yet, she stood there and stared awhile. The somebody looked awfully familiar...yes, she had known it! It was Snape.

Again.

She had to get out of here before-before...

She shook her head. She was _not_ going inside, no matter what. She started to walk away again before she just swore resignedly under her breath and stepped carefully and deliberately into the Playground. The way she was losing to her conscience was startling, and she was not liking it at all.

Snape didn't look up until she was about twenty feet away from him. When he did though, his gaze wasn't hateful or angry, as it had been. It was awkward. The flowers he had been wandlessly levitating fell to the grass abruptly. Petunia was enchanted but didn't show it.

"Evans," he coughed, a crease appearing between his eyes. "What are you doing here?" The tree trunk behind him had a deep cut in it. Snape's wand was gripped tightly in his hand.

"I-I thought I heard something so I came...what you did...I thought it was..." Petunia closed her eyes. What was happening to her?

"Weird? Freakish?" Snape smirked. "Go on. Your rants amuse me,"

"I'm not ranting," she protested.

"No? Strange," he lifted an eyebrow.

"So you're okay now, I see," Petunia scowled.

Severus flushed, his voice suddenly becoming less cocky.

"I didn't really need your help," he muttered, honestly enough. He had the decency to look a little guilty when he saw her outraged look. He sighed sharply and looked her in the eye. "But thank you, anyway. This is the third time I've said so," He suddenly tensed. "Well? What did Potter say?"

Petunia looked surprised. "Nothing. He doesn't really talk to me, it's only Lily he hangs around with…"

"Really?" Severus put his wand away, tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear and put his hands into his pockets. "What do they do while they hang out together? Admire him all day long?"

"Usually they go out on dinners, or just talk," Petunia said, admittedly trying to get a rise out of him. He was colouring a little and looking angry, but his voice was still calm.

"I bet they won't last," he said savagely. "I bet she'll regret it,"

Petunia shrugged. "I don't know. She really does seem to love him..."

"What do you know, Muggle?" Snape demanded, taking his hands out of his pockets and clenching them. "You just told me that you barely spend time with them anyway! You don't _know_ how he is, behind all that simpering he does with Lily!"

Petunia blinked, startled. "I _do_ know. I hate him. But Lily loves him, even so."

"So you think he's a prat too?" Snape was looking interested and more worked up. "Why don't you ever say anything to her?"

"She never listens, I just told you, she's madly in love with him!" Petunia snarled. "And for your information, she's not the only girl in the world! There are so many better people than her, nicer, smarter-"

"Yeah? And what's that supposed to mean?" Severus's face was beet-red, his eyes glittering.

"You know what it means," Petunia folded her arms over her chest and glared into his eyes.

Severus raised an eyebrow and stared at her until she began to blush and realize her mistake.

"I-I didn't...I have to go," she spluttered, a hand going to her mouth. She scrambled away from the Playground as quickly as she could, humiliated.

Snape stared at her retreating back but didn't comment.

XXX

Petunia spent the rest of the day curled up in bed, remembering with a sickening lurch the ridiculous things she had blurted out to him. Remembering the way his eyes had bored into her's…

She couldn't believe she had said that to him! What must he be thinking right now? What was _wrong_ with her?

Petunia tried to block out all images of Snape, the way he had stood so carelessly, his long black hair falling into his eyes. The way he spoke, his voice deeper and silkier than Potter's high, arrogant burble.

Everything about him screamed _dangerous_, _rebellious_, **different**, yet she couldn't stay away. Had he cast a spell on her, was that it?

_Whatever. I'm never going to sink so low... _

There was suddenly a knock on the door. The hinges creaked as her mother let herself in.

"Fix your hair quickly, Petunia. Somebody's waiting for you downstairs," she said, smiling brightly.

"What?" Petunia sat up, shocked. "Who? Why?"

"I've told you about him all week, Petunia! That young gentleman, Vernon Dursley, of course. This is going to be a wonderful evening for the both of you! He heard all about you and wants to meet you and get to know you. He's waiting at the door-"

But Petunia didn't hear her after that. She felt sick to her stomach and for some reason, disgusted beyond belief.

XXX

"Nice to meet you, my name is Petunia," Petunia wrenched out, smiling politely at the stranger sitting in her living room.

An odd, rather flabby, moustached and red-faced stranger. He was a normal man, with ordinary interests, boring things to talk about and no personality whatsoever. But he seemed to like her a lot and showed off happily about his degree and job.

"What a beautiful name," Vernon Dursley smiled, his wide face stretching. He could be decent-looking if he wasn't so flabby. He was so ordinary and perfect in every way–good job, good degree, good family, good manners–that he was actually awful. There was certainly no romance about him, something that made him _him_. Petunia would probably live a happy and content life with him, but she...she didn't know. He was being very flattery, why was she being the stubborn one? Since when had she started to care about interesting personalities? He had the money and the values of a respectable man; what else did she need? She wasn't fifteen anymore. What did she want, anyway? A romantic fairytale where she was rescued by a prince who wrote her love letters and took her abroad? What rubbish.

Vernon eventually drove her out to the nearby ice-cream and smoothie shop, the place she had wanted to go to earlier before being distracted by–no, she had to stop thinking about him.

They sat down on a table, discussing things like politics and the weather. Vernon complimented her many times and, though pompous, was kind enough. Petunia hoped he was telling her the truth when he said how beautiful her hair was and how nice she seemed.

She blushed, starting to warm up. "You are very kind," she giggled, when he made a comment. He smiled and placed a beefy arm on her thin one. The touch was warm and nice, but Petunia couldn't help noticing how utterly different he was from Snape.

His hair was short and neat, his clothes clean and ironed, his frame wide and big, while Snape's hair was long and messy, his clothes were ragged and dirty and his frame was thin and lanky. Vernon's eyes were a watery blue, while Snape's were dark and rich. The way he talked, it was so different from Snape. The ambitions he had, so different from Snape's...

Snape, Snape, Snape, oh she was tired of thinking about him! He didn't even like her! He didn't even respect her! Petunia was starting to get very angry with herself.

She purposefully had more of her chocolate ice-cream. Vernon had chosen plain vanilla, but with lots of chocolate syrup and sprinkles. He was asking for another scoop when she realised that she _could_ live her life with him. He was her type, after all. No-nonsense, typical, normal.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

Lily could have her wizards, _she_ was going to live her life with respect and safety, and with the knowledge that she would have a secure future.

They left the ice-cream store content and happy. Vernon parked his car after a while and they had a nice walk under the moonlight, talking peacefully. Petunia was starting to appreciate him when she suddenly realized, with a tingle of horror, just where they were. They were very close to Spinner's End. Petunia could see the river flowing in the distance. It wasn't fully polluted yet, but it would be.

"Look at those houses in the distance," Vernon said in disgust. "Ill-kept, broken down. Ruffians must live here,"

Petunia didn't answer, though she agreed. All she could think about, however, was that Snape must not be living very far away…

"I know a nice, peaceful place where _we_ could live. There are decent, sensible people there. The houses all have big gardens and..."

Petunia gulped as she suddenly heard a scuffling noise, followed by footsteps. Someone was walking a little distance away from them. Vernon did not notice him but the figure suddenly paused and watched them go on their way. Petunia could not see him but he was making her uncomfortable. They were walking along a pathway with broken streetlights casting shadows on their figures and it was obvious that the person could see them.

"...And we will park our new car in the garage-it's a nice, big one-and grow flowers in the garden..." Vernon's voice was loud and carrying and Petunia wished that the figure would stop eavesdropping on them.

"...Petunia?"

"Huh? Oh yes, that sounds _wonderful_, Vernon,"

Vernon grinned, "Doesn't it? Now let's get you back home, sweetheart. This isn't a very good neighbourhood by the looks of it. I'm surprised we haven't been mugged! I despise people who can't keep their surroundings clean! Pathetic, pathetic…"

"I-I agree,"

"Come on then, let's go home now," Vernon said, leading her back to the car and helping her in.

He barked about street gangsters, the government and dirty neighbourhoods in general the entire ride back, but Petunia barely listened to him.

The talk about Spinner's End by Vernon had made her remember just how much she herself despised and looked down upon places like that too...then why was she so obsessed with Snape? He belonged to the same filthy place, was one of the same horrible people who inhabited it…Then why was she trying so hard to form any kind of acquaintance with him at all?

It was a mystery, and one that was refusing to be solved.


	5. Impulse

**Author's Note:** I hope you enjoy this chapter. Don't forget to review :)

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Five**

**"Impulse"**

* * *

"Was that great, pompous lummock from yesterday your boyfriend?"

Petunia whipped around, clutching her bag of groceries hard. "Wh-what are you doing here?" _Why_ was there such a strange, fluttery feeling in her stomach whenever she saw him?

"Just getting something to eat," Snape smirked, leaning against the wall of the grocery store. He had a strange glint in his eye. "You haven't answered my question."

"And why should I?" Petunia spat suddenly, colouring. "And how do you know about that? Were you spying on me like you always used to do, you fr-" she stopped, her face flushing. She had almost called him a freak...just like the old times. Petunia hated how spiteful she was sometimes, but it was her defense mechanic, and she could never help it.

Severus was still looking very amused. "Me, spying? Oh no, I was walking by when I saw you two starstruck lovers, talking about your future house or something…" Severus was bored, and picking on Evans-someone who had never backed down from picking on him-was fun. He was also very curious about that man she had been walking with yesterday.

"So that creep was you!" Petunia cried, remembering the shadowy figure who had stopped to watch her and Vernon yesterday as they had walked along.

"What? Are you going to ban me from my own neighbourhood?"

Petunia's nervousness of being so close to him vanished. She wasn't in the least jittery anymore. She was livid. "Well, at least I _have _a boyfriend, while you-"

Snape's stance suddenly changed. He stiffened and stood up straight, his eyes narrowing.

"While you don't really have anyone, do you?" Petunia finished maliciously. Then she flinched. What was wrong with her mouth? It wouldn't stop talking, wouldn't stop spewing hurtful words…

Snape's narrowed eyes were intimidating. He spat, "Well, I'd rather be a hermit than have _anything _to do with that fool from yesterday!-"

"Like anyone would ever have anything to do with _you-"_

"You haven't changed a bit," Snape said suddenly and coldly, his voice full of disdain. Petunia froze. Snape dusted his jacket and started to walk away, disgust clearly marring his features.

Petunia glared as she watched him go, opening her mouth and then closing it. She clenched her fists, hating him. She suddenly shouted, "Nor have you! You're _exactly _the same! And it's no wonder Lily can't stand you!"

That seemed to physically wound him, because Severus flashed around, looked at her in pure fury, and then spat, "And it's no wonder that the only one who'll ever love _you_ will be garbage, just like that oaf from yesterday,"

Petunia gasped as he turned around and left, tears sparkling in her eyes. She knew it was true, every word he had said was true, but it hurt more than she could imagine.

And from that moment on, Petunia knew that all of her feelings for Snape had vaporized into thin air, as if they never were.

XXX

Severus was panting hard, his face scrunched up in anger. The argument with Evans was still replaying in his mind and he was very angry. He couldn't believe how little she had changed from their childhood. Though he knew he was no saint, she was one of the reasons he despised Muggles with a passion. She may have grown up, and she may not be a little girl anymore, but she was still immature and petty and her attitude was vicious.

And he hated her, plain and simple. Like he had always had.

He was angry, and he was frustrated. There was one thing in his mind that he desperately wanted to do...he wanted to find out what Lily was doing and try to destroy her relationship with Potter. He wouldn't even feel guilty about it, he was just repaying Potter for doing the exact same thing to him.

Therefore, Severus decided to go to Lily's neighborhood to find out what she was up to. What she and _Potter_ were up to.

He walked all the way there, passing greenery and much better houses than what he had to see everyday in Spinner's End. He noticed a ginger cat at one point and recognised it as Lily's old Tom. He scowled at it and it scampered away. When he looked up, he saw the Evans house. Moving towards it nervously, he made sure that there were no creases on his black jacket.

He was just about to go towards it, keeping a low profile, when the door opened abruptly. The first person to come out was James Potter, followed by Lily. They were dressed up nicely, laughing about something and talking excitedly.

Severus glowered at them and hid behind a tree. James walked out into the street and waited for Lily, who was shouting something to someone inside the house, holding a little purse.

"We'll be back soon!" She cried, closing the door and walking up to James. They walked arm in arm down the street, Lily laying her head on James's shoulder. Severus was revolted and furious.

He took a deep breath and began to follow them discreetly. In time, he saw them walking towards a large, bright red restaurant.

James held the door open for Lily and then went in himself. Severus waited a whole minute before going in too.

He had reduced himself to being a stalker but he just had to find out what Potter had that he didn't. When he walked in a blast of cool air greeted him. He quickly chose a table near Potter's and Lily's (but not too close) and sat down.

Potter and Lily laughed and talked for a while, both looking deeply engrossed in each other. Severus unwittingly felt his fists clench the tablecloth. Then a waiter arrived and he watched the two of them order something, laughing when their favourite flavours matched.

That was when Severus realized where exactly he was.

Desperately searching his pockets, Severus found nothing but old wool and his wand. Panicked, he stood up and made to leave the store. He would obviously have to order something and he had no money, Muggle or otherwise.

Sighing, he stepped out of the restaurant, wishing he had had some spare cash. When he turned around, Potter and Lily were kissing passionately.

He left without looking back.

XXX

Severus felt himself getting more and more depressed and listless as he doodled on his book with a quill, not really reading anything. Days had passed since he had watched Lily and Potter kiss and he had avoided them ever since. Evans too hadn't returned to the playground since their argument, but had stayed put in her house. Not that he really cared either way.

But...Truth be told, he was lonely. Even at school he had had a bunch of friends. Friends that he had laughed with, stolen food with, played chess with...

Decided to join the Death Eaters with.

Severus shut his eyes and took a deep breath.

_Just calm down, _he told himself angrily, _I can worry about it later. _

He had just thought this when there were violent knocks on his door.

Wincing, Severus shot to his feet and grabbed his wand. The knocks were loud and intimidating but he steeled himself and walked towards the door apprehensively, opening it carefully with a spell. The minute he saw who was outside his heart plummeted and dread settled into his stomach.

Kennedy.

XXX

How the hell had he found him?

Kennedy looked aggressive and murderous, his wand trained on Severus. A deep scar ran across the side of his face, apparently Severus's doing.

Severus raised an eyebrow at the man, and lifted his own wand. "Back for more?" He mocked, though he wasn't feeling as confident as he sounded.

"I finally found you, you pig. Hiding away in this pitiful hovel, were you? I'll get you for what you did. Who do you think you are, you half-blood?" Kennedy yelled.

"A little quieter please, you'll bring the neighbours outside."

"Yeah, how do you like your pathetic Muggle neighbourhood, you blood traitor? I'll wipe that smirk off your ugly face-"

"What, did you expect me to let you hex me? Go on, have a go. Just don't be too surprised if you lose again,"

"Why you..._Relas-"_

_"_Not here," Snape barked. "This is a Muggle neighbourhood-"

Kennedy smiled viciously. "Oh, worried about your precious Muggle friends, eh? Oh, we'll see..._Relashio_!"

Severus deflected the spell, backing away. He couldn't let the fool destroy the place he had found with such difficulty (whatever was left of it, that is) nor let him hurt any Muggles. He had to lead him somewhere else...But where?

"_Flipendo!" _Severus aimed above Kennedy's head, causing the man to look behind him, startled. Taking advantage of his distraction, he pushed past him and ran out of the shed, running as quickly as he could.

He was trying his best to lead him away from Spinner's End but his attempts were proving mostly futile as the Death Eater hexed at trash cans and uneven pavements, spreading destruction in his wake.

Snape shouted in frustration, "You're bringing this place down!" but Kennedy merely laughed.

"_Crucio!_"

The spell missed Snape by inches. Horrified, he ran even faster, his heart jumping to his throat as he realised Kennedy meant business.

He managed to fall onto his knees into the playground. Before he could push himself up, however, he felt the presence of a wand aimed at his back.

Stiffening, he mustered all of the wandless magic he had ever learned in his life and...

"_Ow!_" The man stumbled backwards, gasping in pain.

Snape jumped to his feet, relieved. It had worked! He aimed a spell at the man so he fell down, and then tried to run for cover, heading towards the other side of the playground. He knew a dark alleyway, where they could duel fair and square, away from people. Severus might hate them, but he couldn't let Muggles die because of an aggressive, arrogant moron like Kennedy.

Very suddenly, Kennedy aimed another spell at him. It shot over Severus, zooming far away. It exploded in the nearby neighbourhood.

Lily's neighbourhood.

Severus whipped around to face the man, glaring.

"You want to fight, let's fight," he growled, before snapping out: "_Sectumsempra_!"

The spell managed to only graze past the Death Eater, who still fell to his knees, grasping his bloody arms.

"What's wrong? Not so confident anymore?" Snape jeered. "Am I going to leave you dead this time?"

Kennedy growled and aimed another spell at him which Severus deflected. "Just give up," he sneered.

"Not until I've made you pay!"

"Made me pay? That's rich talk coming from someone who I knocked out less than a week ago,"

"Shut your mouth!" Kennedy went red. "_Avada Kedavra_!"

The spell shot towards Severus and he moved away just in time, the green light destroying the tree behind him.

Snape's heartbeat was now very quick, and he was still in a state of shock when the Death Eater stood up and smirked at him.

"That's not all I've got," he gave a very ugly smile.

"What in Merlin's name is going on over here?"

Severus whipped around in surprise. It was Lily, wand in hand, looking wary and furious.

"Severus?" She looked shocked. "What's going on? What-"

"What are you doing here?" Severus demanded. "Get away, you can get hurt-"

"I'm not a child," Lily snapped. "For your information, your little duel destroyed half of somebody's entire backyard! And there was smoke everywhere, I had to come check-"

"L-Lily?" Somebody else had come too, panting.

Severus's stomach give an unpleasant lurch. It was Evans.

"Petunia," Lily turned towards her. "I thought I told you to stay behind,"

"I wanted to come see what was going on, too," Evans said, a little defiantly. She suddenly caught sight of Snape and Kennedy, paled frightenedly, and then backed away. "Um well, I'll be going now…"

"Petunia, go back! He has a wand." Lily cried.

"Are you two friends of his? Any friends of his are my enemies." The Death Eater had a sadistic glint in his eye. He raised his wand and aimed it at Lily.

"_Protego_!" Lily cried. She looked ready to duel anyone if proven necessary. Severus got a hold of himself and stood up straight. He was doing fine on his own, but maybe with Lily's help things would finish up quicker.

Evans was still rooted to the spot, white, watching everything that was happening with eyes as wide as saucers. She looked absolutely terrified.

The Death Eater grunted out a curse that Lily managed to block. Severus shot a spell at him and he stumbled, but did not fall.

The two of them managed to corner Kennedy, deftly deflecting spells and aiming hexes. The Death Eater then used a spell that caused Lily to fall to the ground with a cry.

Seeing red, Severus raised his wand, intending to slice the man to pieces, when the Evans girl suddenly cried out in horror: "_Lily!_"

"Don't move!" Severus shouted at her, but Evans was running towards her sister.

"Are you alright?" She screeched, looking terrified, even as Lily moaned uncomfortably from the ground, shaking her head at her weakly.

The Death Eater took advantage of their distraction and suddenly aimed his wand at Petunia.

Severus watched in slow-motion as the jet of green light shot towards her. Evans stood suddenly still, her face losing the little colour it had and her feet staying helplessly rooted to the ground. Lily's mouth opened in a scream.

The decision Severus took then was split-second. One moment he was standing still, watching the scene with horror and absolute numbness, seeing the green light shoot towards Evans, and the next he was running as fast as he could towards her and holding out his arms, suddenly pushing her roughly to the ground.

He fell on top of her forcefully and they tumbled a little down the grass.

XXX

When he opened his eyes, breathing heavily, he found that he was lying on top of her, both of them sprawled on the grass. He pushed himself up, only to see Petunia's own eyes open and her face light up with a shocked expression. She was breathless, looking as if she could barely believe her eyes.

Severus didn't waste another second. Instead of staring back at her, he jumped off her at once and turned towards the Death Eater.

"_Sectumsempra_!" There was a sickening sound as the Death Eater's chest was slashed open. He gasped. Then he aimed a spell between the Death Eater's eyes, causing the man to fall down, unconscious or dead he did not know.

He scowled at him and then rushed to help Lily up, who was rather injured. Her face was pale and shocked too.

"You-you saved her," she whispered as he grabbed her arm.

"It was an impulse," Severus said honestly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm alright." She used his support to stand up, her legs wobbly. Then she glared at him. "Who was he and why was he here?"

Severus was silent. He knew that if he told her the truth she would be less than pleased. How could he explain the Death Eater get-together they had had? She would hate him even more.

"Well?" Her voice rose. "Who was he, Severus? Why did he try to kill us?"

"Leave him alone," Petunia suddenly snapped. She had managed to get up and had walked towards them.

Severus and Lily both turned to her in surprise.

"_What_? But-"

"You're being really ungrateful, Lily. He tried to save you too, you know," Petunia said angrily. "Why don't you just cut him some slack?"

Lily stared at her open-mouthed. Severus flushed slightly. He had only saved her on a kind of instinct, and had definitely _not _wanted to fall on top of her. The impulse to save her life had been sudden. He suddenly realised-though reluctantly-that he was _glad_ he had had that sudden adrenaline rush.

Evans was staring at him almost in hero-worship, a look of shy admiration on her face. She seemed to have forgiven him completely for earlier.

He only wished Lily would forgive him too.

Lily scowled and pulled at Petunia's hand, leading her away from the playground and back home.

Severus watched them go. Evans eventually snatched her hand away and sneaked a tentative look behind.

But Severus only had eyes for Lily's retreating back, and he felt even worse than he had felt before.


	6. Growing Affections

**Author's Note: **Well, finally. Sorry for the long delay. Don't forget to comment if you like the chapter!

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Six**

**"Growing Affections"**

* * *

Petunia was in a dazed sort of mind the entire way back.

"Did you see it? He saved me! Just rushed over and pushed me away! Like, it happened in a _heartbeat_. He didn't even think about it, it just _happened_. I could've died! He saved my life, Lily! My _life_…"

"I saw it, Petunia. I was there," Lily grumbled dully.

Petunia was practically swooning. Snape had saved her life! It was the most romantic and magical thing ever to happen.

She had kept pushing down her feelings for him, kept denying it, finally even feeling like they didn't even exist anymore...but after what had just happened...after Snape had risked his life to push her away from that spell...she couldn't deny the admiration she was feeling for him. Or the attraction.

The attraction had grown slowly, she supposed. Started when she had first seen him after a long time, and developed over the course of the next several days…

It was normal for her to feel so giddy around him, she had decided, especially since she hadn't had a boyfriend for a while. But...but him _saving_ her. It was like a story. The action had opened Petunia's heart fully and she couldn't stop thinking about it. He was so _brave_ to do it, so noble. But _why_ had he done it?

"And when I saw the green light, I was so scared. I couldn't move. I thought for sure I was a goner. But then _he_ came, and-"

"What are you trying to do, Petunia?" Lily demanded, irritated. "Recite the entire story again and again until I've learnt it by heart?"

"Why are you so angry?" Petunia raised an eyebrow, a little embarrassed. "What's wrong with you?"

"Oh, I don't know Petunia, it's just that my sister's lost it! She won't talk about anything but _him_ even though she's always hated him! And now she's behaving like he's some kind of bloody knight in shining armour-and gosh, what's gotten _into_ you?"

Petunia went red. Absolutely red all over. But it wasn't from embarrassment. It was from anger. "What's gotten into _me_? What's gotten into _you_, Lily? He saved my life, you don't feel particularly hateful towards someone after they do that! And he tried to help you too-"

"Petunia, he _told_ me. He told me it was just his instinct. He hadn't meant to do it. He hadn't meant to save you at all!"

"What did you _want_ him to say?" Petunia faltered, trying not to let her younger sister's words affect her. She didn't care at all. She was always going to cherish this memory for the rest of her life… "That he saved me because of his undying love for me or something?"

_Not_ that that idea was unpleasant in any way…

They had finally reached the Evans house. Lily opened the door furiously and shrugged off her outdoor coat. "Petunia, for God's sake! You're not acting like yourself at all. What _was_ that back there? For me to leave him alone and all that? You've been acting pretty weird ever since he showed up that day…"

Petunia, who had taken off her muddy and torn outdoor coat too and was folding it, suddenly clenched the garment and looked at Lily, her eyes glinting with anger. "What are you trying to say?" She said furiously. "That there's something going on between us?"

Lily looked flustered. "What-no, I meant…"

"If so then you're even stupider than I thought you were," Petunia spat, dumping the coat on the mantelpiece in the narrow corridor and stomping away. "Sometimes I wish you were never my sister,"

Petunia made her way up the stairs, steadfastly ignoring the shocked and hurt Lily she had left behind, the redhead's feet rooted to the spot as she stared with widened eyes.

She went into her room and slammed the door hard, then let out a cry of frustration.

Lily was so infuriating, and so clueless. Her stupid hatred for Snape was blinding her. Why couldn't she see he wasn't that bad? He was just rather spiteful at times. Just like she was, to be honest, but Petunia promised to herself that she would try to fix that.

Then Petunia's entire mood changed. Was Lily right? Was it really just some kind of stupid instinct? Did he really not care for her at all? Besides...everyone knew Snape had the biggest crush on Lily. Whenever Petunia had seen the two of them together as kids, she had noticed him staring at her with a look she couldn't quite describe. And she had always felt this horrible spark of envy…

And even after they had started going to Hogwarts...Snape had shot her greedy looks, done whatever she had asked for immediately. Petunia knew Lily was mostly clueless about just how much Snape liked her but she couldn't help feeling extremely resentful towards her for it. Why Lily? Why not her? Why did it always have to be Lily?

Well, not anymore. Petunia was going to change that.

She went to her closet, chose the best clothes she had, stomped into the shower, and proceeded to get ready.

She was going to make the first move now. She was going to talk to Snape.

XXX

Severus let out a long-winded, sorrowful sigh as he sat forlornly on a bench, just outside Spinner's End.

He had done all he could. He had _renervate_-d and then _obliviated_ Kennedy (rejoicing at finding a pulse even after the horrible assault), erasing all memories of their initial encounter. He had then proceeded to heal his injuries (barely) and dump him in a dark alley far, far away from Spinner's End. Not only did he dislike the idea of the man returning for revenge but he knew that the Death Eaters would most probably disapprove of the entire business.

And he had saved Evans's insignificant life. And caused Lily to get even madder at him. In fact, Lily hadn't even looked back at him. Even saving her sister hadn't caused her to forgive him. What would?

He was lost in bitter thought for a long time when something suddenly broke him out of his reverie.

"S-Snape!"

Severus's head jerked up, alarmed. There, panting and bending down to clutch her knees, was a dishevelled Evans.

What in Merlin's name-

"Oh, there you are!" Evans cried, standing up, a flush across her cheeks. "I-I just wanted to thank you!" She had changed into new, clean clothes and had her hair pinned up instead of in her usual braid. "I ran all the way here to talk to you. I'm really grateful, you know, I really owe you one."

"Er-"

Severus felt his cheeks getting warm and his eyes widen in incredulity. What was going on? Was he having some sort of dream? _Evans_ of all people behaving like this towards him? He suddenly felt his throat close up as he replayed the incident from earlier over and over in his head...The green light, Lily's scream, his sudden pump of adrenaline, him dashing out to save her, falling on top of her, tumbling, tumbling…

"It was nothing." He said coldly, standing up and struggling to stop the humiliated red blush spreading across his face. "Consider us even...since you helped me too…" Oh great, another embarrassing memory.

"You didn't need my help, though," Evans persisted. "It was no problem at all on my end. You could've easily waved your-your wand and fixed everything-" Severus bit back a smirk at this very Muggle sentence. "What _you_ did, though...it was brave. You risked your _life_ for me." Her face fell. "And I'd been so rude earlier…"

What was going on? Severus had no idea how to respond to her or what to say. The conversation was probably the most painful one he had ever had.

"I-I was rude too," he argued. "And I'm _used_ to you being like that to me. I would hardly be hysterical by your comments, would I?"

Evans bit her lip, evidently looking for a good answer. Meanwhile, Severus looked at her uncomfortably. She had a strange look in her eye, an emotion he was reluctant to register. It wasn't just gratitude...what was it? It was making him feel very disconcerted.

"What are you playing at?" Severus suddenly asked, unable to keep it within himself any longer.

Evans looked very surprised and looked up at him. "I...what?"

"What are your intentions?" Severus pressed. "You've always hated me, and the feeling has always been mutual," He saw her flush even more at this. Wasn't he correct? Couldn't she remember their disastrous meetings as children? When he had caused a branch to crash onto her shoulder and she had pushed him hard into the dirt? Among other horrible experiences? "But now...you almost seem to...like me."

There, he had said it. The words left a bad taste in his mouth. She had such a look, and such an odd blush...He didn't want to believe it...

_For Merlin's sake, Severus. Get a grip. Evans liking _you_? Don't be a moron._

Petunia went scarlet.

"Well?" Severus pressed. "What's wrong with you, Evans?" He was about to say more when he caught her expression. Evans was now looking rather angry, glaring at him, her fists clenched in her indignation.

Maybe he should've kept his mouth shut.

XXX

Petunia wanted to slap him. She couldn't believe what the prat had just said! What was he hinting at? What did he think of himself? Talking like that…

_He saved you Petunia, _a voice in her head told her._ Just let it go for this once. Ignore it._

"I don't know what you mean," she forced out cheerfully. "I just wanted to thank you for what you did."

She saw him duck his head a little, then say sheepishly, "Oh. Of course. Well, you're welcome," he said a little shortly.

He looked at her, his eyebrows slightly raised. Petunia tensed and stared at him too. There was a strange tension between them, a tension that felt excruciating. But then she summoned all of her strength and backed away.

"I-I must be going now," she said regretfully. "Thank you once again. Goodbye,"

"Yeah," Severus nodded, his eyebrows still raised. He looked awkward and bewildered. "Bye,"

Petunia nodded and left.

XXX

Could she have done it better? Could she have communicated with him in a better way? There was no use pondering on it now...the damage had been done.

Had she been too obvious? Too desperate? What if he had guessed? What would she do if he had? Her entire sch-

"Petunia?"

Petunia looked up. She had somehow reached her house and was standing in front of the wooden door, face-to-face with Lily.

Her sister, who was standing inside holding the door slightly ajar, took one look at her newly-changed clothes and flushed cheeks, and seemed to figure out everything.

"Where've _you_ been?" Lily's eyes were slits as suspicion clouded her face.

"On a walk. Why?" Petunia said shortly, even though it was obvious that the chances of her going for a mere "walk" were zero after having such a frightening experience in the Playground. She hoped Lily would drop it.

Lily looked like she wanted to talk about it further-her expression looked _very_ sceptical and harsh-but she just sighed and said, "Well, come inside, then. Vernon Dursley's here. He's waiting for you in the living room. And by the looks of it he's gotten you something too…"

Petunia went white.

XXX

Lily was not sure what was going on. First Petunia's skepticalness with her and James when they had bashed Snape when he had first arrived. Then, her sharpness with her when she had tried to question Snape about the whole insane incident…And now her going out, all dressed up, even after having such a scare? What could she have been doing?

Petunia had always _hated_ Snape. What had changed now? It didn't make any sense...and if something _was_ going on, though she couldn't quite prove it, it was obvious that Snape was taking advantage of her! And Lily would _not_, under any circumstances, let him do that to her sister.

XXX

Petunia was awkward.

She didn't know what to do, what to say, and most of all how to feel. After everything that had happened with Snape, all of her feelings for Vernon had evaporated into thin air. She felt nothing for him now and wondered how she would let him know that she wasn't interested. She had been withdrawn and quiet for an hour but he didn't seem to be getting the hint.

It turned out that the thing Lily had mentioned Vernon had gotten for her was a beautiful auburn cashmere coat. She had stroked it with awe, stammering her gratitude in a way that made Vernon smile pompously.

"Only for you, Petunia," he said. So he really _did_ intend to win her over by all this courtship...What was Petunia going to do? He was so kind and seemed very interested in her. But she just didn't feel it with him. She definitely admired and respected him, no doubt, and she knew she could maybe even grow to love him. He was the type of man the old her (the old her being only a week or so old) would have dreamed about. But there wasn't a spark. A spark that made the relationship edgy, interesting, exciting. _Exciting_.

Petunia was so tired of ordinary and humble things and all the uninteresting going-ons of her life. She just wanted something a little fresh, a little different. And apparently Snape was just that.

He was different, he was interesting and he had the type of sarcasm and manners that were both shocking and endearing...he was everything Petunia had hated but was now attracted to. The question was, why so suddenly? And why _Snape_? Why not even Potter, Lily's fiance'? Petunia, truth be told, knew the answer to this. But she was too humiliated to think about it for more than a few seconds. It was a secret she had buried deep within herself...a secret she was reluctant to disclose properly even to her own heart.

XXX

And so Lily had a plan.

She was going to get Petunia back to her old beliefs.

Looking anxiously at the withdrawn Petunia being questioned by Vernon about her week, Lily finally had an idea. She was going to _scare_ Petunia. Convince her that Snape was dangerous. Especially for someone who couldn't do magic and would probably not be able to handle his temper.

And so, after Vernon left and Petunia went into the kitchen to brew herself a coffee, Lily stood behind her, arms crossed.

"You didn't seem too excited with Dursley there," she accused.

"I didn't?" Petunia said absent-mindedly, pouring in the coffee powder.

"Have I ever told you about why I stopped talking to Severus, Petunia?" Lily asked casually, watching with satisfaction as Petunia went stiff.

"Why?" Her hand which had been stirring the mixture was still.

"Well, besides him calling me a Mudblood in front of-what?-the entire school, he had started to change. A lot."

Petunia turned around, her eyes narrowing, suspicious yet interested. Lily smirked.

"It grew slowly, you know, the gap between us. He was in another dorm, I was in another dorm. He had his own friends, own interests, own ideals...He started thinking curses and Dark Magic were "interesting", were "fun". He didn't think of the consequences…" Lily, in spite of herself, started to feel a little reminiscent. Severus had changed so much, yet so little. Where had everything started to go wrong? "He spent hours on end poring over those stupid books in the library. I _told_ him they'd get him nowhere, that they'd lead him to trouble, but he didn't listen, did he? Always changed the subject, always shrugged it off. Then what? He changed completely."

Petunia, whose eyes were wide with interest and fascination, suddenly retorted, "What do you mean? Aren't you exaggerating, Lily? Just because _Potter_ says-"

"James has nothing to do with this, Petunia. I'm telling you, he changed completely. He started spending less time with me, started looking over his shoulder whenever he did, as if worried someone would see. He always talked about how he hated the Gryffindors, how he hated James and his friends...but when I started on _his_ friends, he told me I didn't understand. But I _did_, Petunia. He was joining a bloody death cult! I knew what he was doing," Lily was starting to flush in vehemence. "I swear, Petunia, I just wanted the best for him...I tried to stop him. But he was too far gone. He went Dark,"

"D-death cult?"

"The Death Eaters. They're a Death cult. They kill Muggles like you and Muggle-borns like me. They hate us, Petunia. They want world domination or whatever, and they're going to wage a war soon, Dumbledore said," Lily said confidently. "Not very long and there's going to be a _war_. I'll be _against_ him, against _Snape_. He's not what he used to be. He's changed, and he's going to kill you if you let him too near you. He doesn't give a damn about you, Petunia. He doesn't."

Images of Snape sneering at her, calling her a "Muggle", hating her from their first encounter flashed through Petunia's mind, even though the image of him saving her life tried to push itself to the surface. If he hated her so much why would he have done that…?

But Petunia had gone pale, and she could barely form any words.

Lily's story had left her shaken. How could the innocent, eerie little boy from Spinner's End manage to change so much?


	7. An Unlikely Friendship

**Author's Note: **I have no idea what you guys will think of this. So _please _comment below and let me know! A quick update this time :)

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Seven**

**"An Unlikely Friendship"**

* * *

The sky was a kaleidoscope of colours, pinks and oranges and yellows...And there, sitting on the same bench from before, his head bent over what seemed like a dark jacket, was Snape. He was waving his wand in short, quick movements, apparently stitching the fabric back up, and Petunia spent a few minutes just watching him, his quick, efficient movements, the tiny, colourful sparks, his calm adeptness…

She felt envious, of course. But she felt full of admiration and wonder even more. Something she had never felt for magic before. Previously, she had hated the idea of being a Muggle, of being unable to do magic. She had hated the sight of Lily's wand, hated even to touch it. Because no matter how hard she waved it or how hard she tried, nothing would ever happen, and nothing would ever change. But now she seemed to have forgotten her resentment.

Snape wiped his brow and then held out the jacket in front of him, apparently checking to see if the job was done. Petunia's heart thudded in her chest. After hearing of all the things he had done at that school, and about how he was allegedly in a death cult...she just had no idea what to think of him.

_A death cult's meetings he never seems to go to?_ She thought stubbornly. Snape had, as far as she knew, barely left Spinner's End. What kind of killings and rituals was he doing cramped up at home? And what kind of insane "Dark" person saved someone he disliked's life? She did not believe Lily entirely. Moreover, the possibility of Snape being more than the average graduated teenager was another endearing thing about him...though she sincerely hoped that Lily was mistaken about his loyalties. Sarcastic and biting as he was, he did not seem the type to kill someone...willingly.

Petunia's feet had a mind of their own as they led her to him once more. She stood a few feet away from him when he finally realized that she was there.

"Evans," Snape said in an unsettling tone of voice. "You're back again?" He looked up, eyebrows raised, looking suspicious. "What is it?"

Petunia blushed. "I wanted to see you again, that's all,"

"Why?"

"I don't know...I was on my way to…"

Snape sat up straight, laying his jacket down on his knee. "Are you spying on me?"

"W-what?"

"That's it, isn't it? Your sudden manners-" Petunia bristled. Why was he behaving like this? Things weren't like they were anymore! They weren't children! "Your "gratitude". Who's put you up to this-"

"Excuse me?" Petunia snapped, "That's a horrible accusation! Why would I be spying on _you_?"

He raised one eyebrow, once again colouring her cheeks and embarrassing her to no end. She knew what he meant; why _was_ she here then?

"I mean," she tried to regain her composure. "I-I'm not spying on you,"

"Then what are you trying to achieve? I'm not stupid, Evans, I-"

"Well, if you really _must_ know," Petunia said in a lofty voice, doing some very, very quick thinking. She mustered up all of her courage, her face going scarlet. Time seemed to slow down as she blurted out her next words: "I just want to be friends with you,"

Silence.

XXX

That was the thickest thing Severus had heard in awhile, and he had no idea if she was being honest or if it was a ruse.

Why-_why_?-would Evans ever want to be _his_ 'friend'? She hated him, for Merlin's sake! He couldn't wrap his head around it at all.

Seeing her standing there nervously, with her hands worrying at her skirt, and her eyes looking at him apprehensively and intently, he just had no idea how to respond.

It was baffling.

Of course, his first instinct was to tell her to shove off. As if he would ever acquaint himself with a _Muggle_, more precisely _this_ Muggle, with her petty and vindictive ways and her sudden strange behaviour.

But then, Severus thought, this _was_ the best chance he had gotten in awhile.

Evans was Lily's _sister_. Who else could tell him everything about her and Potter's new relationship—he was about to lose the little breakfast he had had—and the other secrets he was desperate to know? Who else could he use to pass Lily little hints, little pleas, little apologies.

Evans could be very, very useful. He didn't really have to be her "friend", at all.

_Don't get ahead of yourself, Severus. You can't do this. You can't even _pretend_ to be her friend._

Or could he?

He stood up, faltering. His next words were very calculated, "And why would you want to be my friend, Evans?" He was sneering, and her further humiliation was very gratifying.

"B-because I'm tired of our petty fights, and our ridiculous rivalry. We've both grown up, why can't we just be civil to each other? Especially after everything that's happened…" Her eyes were big and wide. She was holding her breath, looking close to tears.

He wondered how blissful it would be to reject her right now, to make her cry, but he decided he did not want to do so. It would have been satisfying if he was a couple of years younger than he was today, because at the moment it seemed unappealing. He was not sure why she was so passionate in the first place, nor did he understand his sudden maturity in not wanting to hurt her for fun. "I see no problem in us being...civil to each other," he allowed himself to say carefully.

"Is-is that a yes?" Evans looked overjoyed, "You mean you don't mind me talking to you?"

"Yes," He said uncomfortably. Evans smiled and reached for his hand. He flinched violently but she only clasped it, shaking it slightly.

"Thank you," she said. "I-I never thought you'd agree," then she let go, backed away, and hurried away.

Severus was left confused. Very confused. What had he let himself into?

_It's just for information, Severus, _he told himself. _Just for information._

XXX

Petunia had to sit down mid-way her journey back home. Her hand was still tingling from grasping his. It had been surprisingly warm and dry, when she had expected it to be colder.. His agreement had been even more astounding. Why had he agreed to such a ridiculous proposal? Especially after all their history? Especially after her spitefulness?

But this was a victory, wasn't it? A great, big start. He had agreed to be her _friend_. Sure, it wasn't what she _really_ wanted, but they could work their way up there, couldn't they? Though it was highly unlikely. But being his friend...being _close_ to him...it was more than she deserved, more than she had ever dreamed of.

And-and she was so _happy_, so overwhelmed. Things were finally looking up for her. She only hoped that everything went well, that he wouldn't change his mind like any sane person would, wouldn't start finding the idea of talking to her suddenly repulsive again.

XXX

"How often does Potter visit?"

It was a bright and windy day, and Petunia's hair whipped around her head as she struggled to keep her hat from flying off into the wind. The heat had gone down a little, and it smelt like it would rain. She was sitting next to Snape, on the grass of the Playground, enjoying the closeness more than anything and savoring the cool breeze. It was their second meeting since the agreement and the weather seemed to be celebrating her victory by being the most pleasant it had been all month.

Petunia looked over at Snape, who was not looking at her but at the sky, looking tense and uncomfortable. He was, however, eagerly awaiting an answer.

Petunia frowned a little. "He comes by often...Maybe once every few days?"

"And what do they do together?" Snape's voice was clipped.

"Talk." She said shortly.

"Ah," a crease appeared between his eyes. "I see. And is it true that they're getting married?"

"They're engaged to each other, yes. So they probably will go along with that soon. But anyways, how was your-"

"Aren't they a little young?" Severus looked at her, interrupting. His eyes flashed with anger as if this was her fault.

Petunia bristled. It seemed like all he ever wanted to do was talk about Lily and Potter. She had to do something about this…

"They won't get married just yet. Maybe when they're a little older. I reckon there's plenty of time before Lily even thinks of marriage. So, forget them, what did you do today?"

"Nothing," Severus looked up at the sky again. "You?"

Petunia liked this. Liked it when he talked about _her_, instead of going on about Lily and her stupid fiance'. She couldn't believe the hatred and jealousy bubbling up inside of her as she thought of just how much Snape adored Lily, rather than her.

"I just did the grocery shopping today, with Lily. Lily wants to find a job, but Potter's not letting her…" Snape smirked gleefully at this. "What about you? Are you looking for a job too? Or do you already have one?" _Like being the vice-president of a Death Cult..._

"No, I...Not yet," Severus said nervously, tugging at a few blades of grass unconsciously.

"Well, you do have enough for meals and stuff, right?"

Snape didn't answer for a moment. "Enough," he agreed.

Petunia wasn't very convinced, "What do-er-magicians do for work anyway?"

Snape froze and turned to slowly look at her, which terrified her to no end. Had she offended him in some way? Was he angry? But instead of the irritated look she had expected on his face, he actually looked like he was trying not to smile. "_Magicians_? They are called wizards, Evans, and "witches" for the women,"

"Oh," Petunia shrunk into herself. "Well, how was I supposed to know about that?"

"Doesn't Lily tell you a little bit about magic?" Snape asked, looking away from her again. "You can't be completely clueless, can you?" he sounded like he didn't quite believe that.

"I don't ask her," Petunia answered honestly, her voice small. She suddenly brightened up and looked at him. "Why don't _you_ tell me everything about it?"

Snape made a sudden choking noise. "_You_ want to know about magic?"

"Why not?" Petunia asked, taken aback.

"I thought you hated my kind, hated everything to do with magic and witchcraft and all that sort of stuff," Snape declared, looking genuinely bewildered. "When did that change?"

"Well, I was a little girl then! I'd like to know at least a _little_. So I won't have to ask you stupid questions again,"

"Alright then," Snape said in a bored voice, though Petunia could still hear traces of bemusement. "What shall I teach you first?"

"What do wizards usually do for work?"

"Well," Snape mused, thoughtfully. "It depends. Whatever Muggles do, but with magic basically. Whatever he's interested in, I suppose,"

"What are you interested in?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'll help out at an apothecary, I've never really t..." He shook his head. There was a short pause. "Forget me, what about you, Evans?"

She didn't like him calling her Evans very much. 'Petunia' was so much better, wasn't it? But she couldn't push things. Not so soon. Though she really did want to start using _his_ first name...very much indeed.

"Well, I'm planning to get a job as well...Though I'm not sure when...And...er...I was thinking...Um, would you mind if I called you by your first name?"

Snape went still, his eyebrows disappearing behind his hairline. "My...first name?"

"Yeah; I just thought that I could call you by your first name...Since we're...well, friends,"

Snape looked at her scrutinisingly, looking incredulous. "And what if I'm fine with you calling me 'Snape'?"

"But…" Petunia bit her lip. "But that's what I used to call you when I hated you. It doesn't seem like we're friends if I keep calling you that. But of course, if it makes you uncomfortable…" She couldn't scare him away by making unreasonable demands.

Snape was quiet for a long time. When he finally spoke, he let out a sigh and said in an expressionless voice, "Right. Okay. You may call me by my first name. Anything else?" He added sarcastically.

She winced inwardly at the slightly annoyed tone. "It doesn't have to be such a big deal,"

"No, it doesn't," Snape looked away, now staring at the grass with his forehead creased up.

"Um, what is it again, right?" Petunia tried hard to remember exactly how Lily pronounced it. "Sevres?"

"Severus," the name in his deep, rich voice made her head spin.

"Oh, right. Severus," It sounded good on her tongue, foreign, strange, but really good. She could probably say it forever, reciting it like a prayer. It was absurd how irresistible he was.

XXX

It simply couldn't go on. That was what Severus told himself all night as he lay on his mattress later after dusk, staring at the cracked ceiling. He sighed and shifted himself to the window, looking intently at the dark night sky. He was deceiving her, that was for certain, but he was only slightly guilty about it yet. He didn't want to hurt her, but he couldn't help it. He felt nothing but resentment towards her...though after talking to her properly he could conclude that she had perhaps improved.

He didn't particularly like her all the same. But that was still no excuse for him to lie to her, to lead her on a false trail. He was not really her friend. He was using her, and using her awfully...

He closed his eyes and remembered.

_"S-Severus?"_

_He repressed a wince. "Evans?"_

_"Er...Lily told me something a few days ago…"_

_He tensed, shoulders rigid. "Did she?"_

_"Yes, and...I...Well, are__ you part of the Death Eaters?" She said in a rush. _

_He went cold all over. "W-what?"_

_"The Death Eaters...Are you part of them?"_

_Not yet. Probably, soon. Why was she even asking this? "No,"_

_"_Will_ you join them?" She looked at him imploringly, holding her breath, as if his admission would leave her devastated, disappointed, absolutely dismayed._

_He had to think about his answer very, very carefully. "No,"_

_Her face relaxed, eyes alight with content and relief. She smiled at him brightly, "Good. That's good,"_

Severus shook himself, trying to dispel the flashback. Sleep, once again, came with difficulty that night.

XXX

Severus was sinking low...so low.

He lead her on for several days. _Several days._ And very, very strange emotions flitted through his mind through it all.

Thoughts like how nice it was when Evans didn't sneer at him but smiled instead, and how pleasant it was when she laughed at his 'jokes', which were harsh, sarcastic comments more than anything. Thoughts about how relaxing it was to come back after a long, hard day of looking for his next meal to...well, company (however awkward and forced it was), in the Playground he and Lily had once inhabited.

And just how nice it was for somebody to do whatever he said, like bringing him a sandwich from her home (Severus was ravenous after all the job-hunting), or telling Lily that he was considering working in a renowned company...something which Potter would never do, on account of that prat being filthy rich.

And...well, maybe this had been a very good idea. He got sufficient details from Evans about Lily, even successfully managed to send messages through her to the Gryffindor. He even got someone to talk to.

But Severus still knew that something was off, not right. He was still convinced that she was spying on him and so made sure to never to let his guard down around her. Eventually, though, he found himself relaxing with her. He had been tense and uncomfortable before, but now he sat more freely, more comfortably, getting more and more used to the situation.

Severus still didn't think much of Evans. Not really, he kept telling himself. She was still a Muggle, and the horrid little girl from his childhood. Someone he didn't care about.

And she would do well to keep wearing her hair that way. He wasn't very fond of braids and preferred her ponytail. He wondered why he even cared.

XXX

Petunia was sinking low.

She _knew_ Snape was taking advantage of her connection to Lily and she _knew_ that she had better stop giving in to all of his demands to tell him what her sister was doing every minute of the day and if she thought Potter was serious about the whole affair.

She also knew that he was still madly in love with Lily!

She had tried everything. New hairstyles, a cuter laugh, better clothes, even told him that she felt sorry for Potter...

But nothing.

And she felt guilty, she did. Lily was her sister after all. But Snape just couldn't keep pinning after her. He would break not only his own heart, but Petunia's heart too. It was for Lily's sake as well. Of course.

As the days went by Petunia felt herself absolutely _adoring_ Snape's presence, his voice, his sarcasm, his comments, his frustration when explaining magic to her, his company.

And most of all, how he looked at her when she told him what he wanted to hear.

That look of approval. Of satisfaction.

What was she doing?

XXX

After more than a week, Severus could definitely say that he was getting used to this.

He was more comfortable around her, that was true, but he still kept the conversations under strict guidelines. There would be no long discussions about him, or why he cared so much about what Lily was doing. Furthermore, Evans was not to think that they were the best of friends. She was to understand that they were acquaintances to say the most. Besides, he still had no idea where this "friendship" was heading or what it's consequences would be.

Evans was perfectly decent, rather surprisingly, throughout their meetings, never unsmiling and always eager to know more and more about the magical world.

He, admittedly, was liking the company a _little_. But it was absurd. Sometimes he was repulsed, sometimes he was drawn in. He had to stop this. Stop getting too far into this business. Evans was _not_ actually a good friend, nor someone to talk to. And this was all an act.

After all, after everything he had wrenched out of her he now had a pretty good idea of how to manipulate Lily to forget all about Potter and consider him again.

Yes, he _was_ the deceiver of the century...but once you got addicted to something harmful—like lying and getting information from unsuspecting girls who wanted to be your friend—you just couldn't stop.

Severus just hoped that everything would stay under control. Unfortunately, as he found out after a while, they didn't.


	8. A Picnic

**Author's Note: **Review!

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Eight**

**"A Picnic"**

* * *

**Mid-July, 1978**

After more than a month, it became a sort of routine.

Petunia would make her excuses whenever necessary and then sneak out to see him, heading towards the Playground or wherever they decided they would meet. The Playground, however, was the primary location.

Severus would deign to show up as well, and Petunia could swear that as time went on, he grew less and less uncomfortable to see her. His eyes lit up slightly, and his expression grew more neutral instead of barely repressing scorn.

Today Petunia struggled to their meeting spot with a heavy, wooden basket. When she reached, she set it down on the grass with a _thump_. She sat down, smoothening her skirt nervously. She was even more jittery than usual today. She had no idea if he would like it or not. She had just figured that bringing him food would make him like her more. Didn't all boys like food?

Her hands were trembling as she fought to keep them at her sides. Maybe this hadn't been a very good idea after all. What if he thought it tasted awful? Lily was a much better cook, after all…

Her head shot up as she heard footsteps nearing her. Severus had finally showed up, dressed in his usual, slightly shabby clothes with strands of dark hair falling across his face, like they always did. Her heart jumped to her throat. She hadn't seen him in a few days and had forgotten just how attractive he was.

"Severus," she said eagerly, making space for him.

"Evans," he sat down next to her, much to her extreme pleasure. He did so every time they met but it still meant a lot to her...That he had willingly sat down next to her.

Severus looked curiously at the basket. "...What's that?"

"I-I brought you a picnic," Petunia said nervously.

"A...picnic?" Severus's eyes were glued to the basket. He looked a little confused so Petunia hastened to explain, "I was cooking today, so I thought I'd bring you something to eat. I hope you like it. I'm not really good at it, I just-"

"What'd you bring?" Severus asked, a little eagerly.

_So he really _is_ hungry, _Petunia realized with a pang.

He looked back at her and hastily added, "I mean, I'll eat it if you want...I don't mind,"

"I _do_ want you to eat it," Petunia nodded. "I've got lot's. See…" She opened the lid and reached inside, handing him a perfect, square, chocolate brownie.

She had spent hours making all sorts of food; brownies, different sandwiches, lemonade, scones, jam tarts...she wondered how he would respond if she told him that she had woken up at eight to make it all...and how Lily had reacted when she had seen the kitchen.

Severus's eyes bugged, scouring the contents of the basket . "You made all of this yourself?"

"Yeah, it took hours,"

"Thank you," he said gruffly, before taking a bite of the brownie.

Petunia had never felt the intense pleasure and satisfaction she felt when she saw his face transport with bliss. Her pulse raced and her cheeks flushed. She would cook for him forever if he looked so pleased every time...

"Er...well, how are things with you?" He asked, taking another huge bite of the brownie so that it finished in a mess of crumbs. He wiped his hand on his jacket and started reaching into the basket to have some more, trying to appear discreet and reserved but failing miserably as he pulled out about three sandwiches with barely-suppressed glee. Severus had started to ask her more questions about herself and had started to talk about Lily and Potter less, which Petunia hoped would last.

"I'm great," Petunia said honestly. _Now that you're here with me._

Severus had already started on the second sandwich. "And Lily?"

"Good, too,"

"Did she help you with this?"

"No, I did it all by myself," Petunia said, a little vehemently.

"Hmm," Severus chewed thoughtfully. He suddenly looked at her intently, his big, dark eyes making her mouth go dry. "Hey, Evans, why don't you talk to Lily about Potter today? The stuff I asked you to say…"

"I…" Petunia faltered.

Severus's hand which had been reaching for the basket stilled as he frowned a little. "Evans…"

"Severus, you know it's-" Petunia began warily.

"Come on, Evans" he urged persuasively, deliberately softening his voice. "Don't you want to help me? We're friends, aren't we?"

Petunia couldn't think straight. The look he was giving her, his deep, silky voice, his words. She was about to say yes or something even stupider...but then she snapped out of it. Agreeing would only pull him further away from her and push him closer to Lily. She had weaved the connection between them with difficulty and was not willing to unravel everything just because of his damn voice.

"Severus, of course I'm talking to Lily. And she's softening, I promise. If I spring everything on her suddenly she won't trust me, nor will she trust you. You don't need to worry about anything just yet,"

Severus sighed, but eventually relented. "Okay,"

"Yeah. Um...did you like the food?" Petunia tried to change the subject.

Severus paused for a moment. Then his eyes lit up.

"Yeah," he said, "I liked the food a lot. If you ever have any leftover baking you can bring it over,"

Petunia preened at the praise. "T-thank you. Do you want the lemonade, too? You once told me that you liked lemonade, right?—" she reached in the basket just as Snape did to take it out himself. Their hands brushed against each other.

Petunia went red, and pulled her hand away. Severus handed her the thermos, looking a little awkward.

"Er," she said, picking up a paper cup. "Here you go,"

XXX

It was another one of those awkward tensions. When they were close enough to touch, when Evans's breath was hot against his neck, when a comfortable, drowsy silence filled the air and they sat without speaking for minutes at end. Evans shifted closer, just as Severus felt his eyes drooping. He was getting a little sleepy. His hair was also standing on end from the small distance they kept from each other.

He forced himself to look away from her, staring at the grass. She had her head bent too, her cheeks red.

Severus swallowed, his throat bobbing. He reached for the half-empty glass of lemonade. His hands brushed slightly with her legs. She shivered a little and he closed his eyes in horror. Why couldn't he be more careful?

"Severus?" Evans said suddenly and softly, causing his eyes to fly open. She had lifted her face to look up at him. His eyes wandered briefly down to her lips before shooting back to her eyes. "I...I kind of wanted to ask you something,"

"Mm?" he asked, feeling a little jittery.

"Severus...do you really think of me as a friend...or are you just tolerating me?"

Severus was at a loss of what to say. Evans and him had been meeting for more than a month. He had grown to know and understand her better, even stopped feeling stiff and forced around her...but feeling uncomfortable for quite another reason. But what did that matter? He was still only using her for information. He didn't regard her as his inseparable best friend or anything. That was Lily. He didn't feel anything but tolerance when he met her. Even though he had been pushing down his feelings of liking her presence a little.

"What's brought this on?" He asked, a little tensely. She shifted so his eyes were once more drawn to her legs. Merlin, could he get a grip? What would Evans think if she knew that he was having fleeting glances at her?

"Nothing. I just...I just wanna know, Severus,"

"Of course I regard you as an acquaintance. Isn't that what we were to be?"

"Yes, of course," she flushed. "But do you _like_ me as an acquaintance? Or are you just pretending so you won't hurt my feelings?"

Severus was starting to get a little nervous.

"I don't mind your company. I _said_," he said persistently, panicking a little.

"Promise?" Her eyes grew wide.

"Yes. If I did mind, I'd tell you," Severus didn't quite know if this was true or not. He had certainly disliked–even loathed–her company before...but now he truly abided it better.

"Thank you," Evans looked extremely relieved and happy. She looked like she wanted to say something else but was too shy too. Her entire face had lit up at his words. It gave him a small, nice feeling inside.

There was another comfortable silence as Evans picked restlessly at her skirt, looking like she was still desperate to say something.

Slightly anxious, Severus proceeded to defend his case, "Evans, look, I wouldn't waste my time with someone I couldn't stand," he said, which was entirely true. "You've grown more tolerable,"

Evans looked up in surprise, a blush spreading across her cheeks. "From you, that's probably the biggest compliment I could ever get,"

Severus was just refraining from rolling his eyes, scowling slightly, when Evans suddenly leaned in closer to him, startling him and making him go red all over.

"You know," Evans said, rather passionately. "I really did make a mistake all those years ago. I see now why Lily became your friend,"

XXX

When it was time for her to go, Severus kept his eyes downcast as she picked up her basket, dusting herself.

She smiled at him brightly. "I'll see you later, then,"

"Right," he said.

Evans turned around and walked back home, a spring in her step. Severus turned on his heel and walked away. He had to sort out his thoughts.

XXX

Petunia lay awake that night, his name on her lips. She couldn't stop blushing. Whenever he accidentally brushed past her, or looked at her, her heart thumped wildly in her chest. She had never felt like this before. Not with Vernon, not with her previous boyfriends, not with anyone. His voice calmed her down when she was hysterical, his eyes made her want to drown in them.

The spark she felt with him seemed to burn brighter each day. Whenever she questioned him about magic, whenever he deigned to smile at her. He was different, and she adored that. She adored having him to herself.

The several meetings they had had were like a drug. There was something enticing about the forbidden, and that was what she was doing. Pining after what was forbidden. Not only was he a wizard, but he was Lily's old friend, her fiance's loathed classmate, Petunia's childhood enemy, a dangerous person in general.

Petunia just wished that she would stop thinking of him in _that_ way so often. She knew she had no chance with him and she had to accept that. But oh, how she wished she did.

XXX

Since when had he started to stare at _Evans_? At her lips, her legs, her clothes…

Well, it was her fault. Sitting so close. He couldn't block out _every_ thought, now could he?

_This is _Evans_ you're talking about_, his conscience told him in a displeased tone. _Blocking out thoughts of her is your _duty.

Still, though. Severus saw her as nothing but a Muggle he was using to get closer to Lily.

Even if he spent long minutes pondering on their strange relationship, on the things she said, her smile whenever he looked at her.

He was starting to like her way too much, damn it. He had to keep the relationship under check, keep it under even stricter boundaries.

_Even_ if it was a little difficult.

Severus turned over, trying to dispel all thoughts of Evans from his mind. She may look remarkably like Lily when she laughed but they had no chemistry. None at all.


	9. Lust And Conflict

**Author's Note: **Longest chapter yet, woo! Enjoy. Not sure what you guys will think of this. LOTS of drama ahead. Review㈷6.

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Nine**

**"Lust and Conflict"**

* * *

**Mid-August, 1978**

Severus could have sworn that he had kept up his stiff approach with her, never let himself soften too much, been himself. Yet, it seemed that as the weeks flew by, Evans changed. She was not the annoying little girl from his childhood anymore...in fact, she morphed into somebody completely different, especially by the time another month had gone by.

He didn't know why, or how, but somewhere in the middle of the road he had accepted the fact that he had gained more affection and respect for her. He even felt himself relent sometimes and be nice to her before bouts of internal battling with himself took over...

Friends wasn't going too far, was it? Friends, acquaintances, whatever. Wasn't like he had started spilling out his secrets to her, was it? Nor was allowing himself small smiles a big deal. It was only because her Muggle-ness was rather amusing at times, maybe even sweet. Sweet in a pitiful way, of course.

XXX

It had been another long, eventful month and things had never been so awkward.

The atmosphere tensed horribly, and Petunia experienced her life's most awkward moments during this period.

For example, there was the time when their knees had nearly touched when they had sat cross-legged from each other, Severus explaining to her another magical concept which she had learnt by heart on the first hearing. It had so romantic, even though there had been no romantic element present at all.

Maybe she was looking too much into it, but Petunia cherished these memories passionately.

She could barely concentrate at some points, wanting nothing more than to lose her self-restraint and just admit everything to him, about how much she loved him, how she could barely stand the thought of him with Lily...

But she was too afraid of his rejection, of the destruction of their friendship…

That was until today, when Petunia decided that the day had come. It had been more than two months, she couldn't keep it bottled in herself forever. Especially as she felt that he was maybe cracking too. He hadn't bothered to look at her a couple of months earlier. Now he _smiled_ at her, as if she wasn't Petunia Evans, his hated childhood rival...but as if she was just like Lily.

XXX

"What do you want me to do next?" Severus twirled his wand around in his fingers.

Evans looked excited. "Can you make it rain?"

"That's some serious work of magic," Severus said, "It'll take a lot of concentration...and for a wizard like me…"

"You're being modest on purpose," Petunia said irritably. "You _know_ you're a powerful wizard. Even more so than Lily,"

"I won't go that far," though his expression lied.

"You know you're better than Lily. And Potter. And many other people. Believe me, I can tell. I asked Lily if she could do half the tricks you did yesterday and she told me that they were for advanced wizards only,"

Severus smirked, "Should've mentioned my name,"

"I couldn't,"

"She still doesn't know you meet me?'

"I think she does." Severus perked up at that. "But I haven't really told her about it directly. She's still not sure, though. Probably thinks that I still hate you, or something,"

Severus smirked. "So you don't hate me anymore?"

Petunia flushed a little. "Well, no. I mean, we're…friends, right? Of course not."

He didn't protest when she scooted a little closer, biting his lip when her knees brushed against his leg. "Why don't we go somewhere together?"

"Where?"

"Anywhere," she looked at him intently, her eyes wide and guileless. The way Lily had looked at him when she had tried to convince him to do something. She was more like her sister than she knew.

"Hmm," he drawled, watching as her breath hitched and her cheeks flushed. "What kind of "somewhere" do you have in mind, Evans?"

"Maybe a restaurant? A park?"

"You know I detest Muggle places," he said in disgust.

"You don't have to look at them. Just talk to me,"

"I do talk to you, every day,"

"Are you complaining?"

He suppressed a hint of a smile. "No. It's better than doing nothing, isn't it?"

She laughed. His heart leapt briefly.

She suddenly sobered. "Er...I forgot to mention. Potter was talking about you last night,"

Severus stiffened, his eyes narrowing. His hands clenched around blades of grass; he could feel the resentment rising in him, higher, higher…

"He and Lily had begun talking about their days at school...and then he suddenly started badmouthing you, making fun of you. I...I got really mad,"

Severus had expected _Lily_ to get upset, not Evans. But instead of thinking about this fact, realising just where he was going wrong, he pushed it aside and said, "Then?"

"I started calling him immature and a hypocrite and Lily had to break it up. Then she asked me why I cared so much, and I didn't know what to say…"

"I'm not surprised he started on that...but Lily…"

"She didn't say anything. She never does when Potter talks rubbish. I guess she really adores him to-"

"No, she doesn't," he snapped.

Evans looked irritated and angry so he hurried on, "I mean, she may be making a mistake with all this. You say so too, don't you?"

"Yeah," Evans looked uncertain. "But-"

"And that's why I want to help her. Because she's my friend. She's been my friends for years. I just...want the best for her,"

Evans looked like she had seen right through his ruse but nodded.

"I know you do," she said, and her voice was slightly bitter.

XXX

The sun was dipping into the clouds, rays of gold, scarlet and purple streaking the sky.

Sunset.

Evans had, without permission, laid her head down on his shoulder, barely able to keep her eyes open.

He hadn't protested, mainly because he was too drowsy to care. And the closeness was not as unwelcome as it would have been a couple of weeks earlier...Nevertheless he was quite neutral about it, especially as he owed her quite a bit. Not only had she brought him the best coffee he had had in awhile but she had also told him all about Lily and Potter's fight a few days ago. It was enough to put him in high spirits.

Evans fidgeted a little as the sky got darker and Severus finally decided that it was time to send her back home. She would probably have a little difficulty finding her way back in the dark. He tilted his head sideways, looking down at her, and opened his mouth to suggest this...

Before stopping short.

Evans had a strange expression on her face, a pink blush spread across her cheekbones. The odd, comfortable mood that had been surrounding them during the sunset seemed to dissipate into something more uneasy, more hazy.

He opened his mouth but before he could speak she had closed her eyes, her slim hand resting on his arm. He watched confusedly as she lifted her face towards his...and then kissed him.

XXX

His breathing hitched, his nerves promptly went out of control, and his head grew light and empty...but then the never-failing rational part of his brain snapped, and he pulled away, dishevelled, startled, angry, surprised, and most of all, confused.

His expression must have betrayed all of this because in a flash she had jumped to her feet agilely, taking off out of the Playground.

He only had a few seconds to register what was going on before he ran after her, furiously determined not to let her disappear like that, without an explanation.

He suddenly grabbed her sleeve and she let out a surprised cry, stumbling to a stop, nearly falling. Her eyes were full of tears. "Evans-" he started angrily.

"I'm sorry, Severus, I'm so sorry…" She started to sob, her carefully made hair starting to fall apart.

Severus took a deep breath. His lips were still tingling and his cheeks were still flushed. He could feel his hair standing on end. "Why did you do that?"

"I was an idiot,"

"Nothing new there," Severus said lightly. She snorted through her tears. "But...I don't understand. It had to be a-"

"It wasn't a mistake," she said furiously. "I meant to do it,"

There was a silence.

Evans glared up at him, her eyes sparkling with tears. "I know you don't see me that way, never have, never will, but I...These past few weeks...Well...I like you, I guess,"

_No_.

"What?" He asked in disbelief. "Evans, are you-"

"I'm completely fine, thank you!" She said vehemently. "I like you, Severus, have liked you for several weeks. I lost all reason back there, forgot you didn't feel the same way. But...I couldn't help it, I'm sorry. I just...I wish…" She started sobbing anew, turning away, her trembling legs ready to resume their path back home.

_Stop. Stop crying, dammit. _Her tears hurt Severus physically, like he had been given a sock in the jaw or in the stomach. "Are you serious?" Was all he could say numbly, feeling rather lifeless. This, as everything else had been, was new for him. It was quite frankly the most unbelievable thing he had ever heard.

Petunia didn't answer, but her wracking sobs were enough. He motioned her to face him, his mouth dry, "Evans, I...don't know what to say," he said honestly. It didn't even occur to him to be angry, outraged, for his hand to itch for his wand so that he could hex her. Not that he had any desire to hex her anyway. He was more bewildered than angry at any rate.

She looked up at him, looking absolutely traumatised. Her eyes were a vibrant shade of grey-blue, flecked with gold, like the ocean. He wondered why he had never noticed them before. He tried to concentrate on the issue at hand.

Their relationship had progressed so quickly over the past few months...from him despising her, to tolerating her, to being neutral with her, to actually liking her...He had spent nights thinking about what exactly he thought of her and why he had given in so easily, instead of maintaining the distance he had promised he would keep.

And then Severus suddenly realized that this was another step he had to take, however reluctantly. He couldn't lose Evans's support. He was very, very close to getting to Lily. He had received countless information about her and her to-be-if-he-didn't-hurry-up husband. He could not, _would_ not, lose Evans now.

_If I show her that I don't mind and am willing..., _he thought_, will she stay?_

"It's okay," he finally said, wooden but resolved. He could feel the white-hot guilt coursing through his veins; the deception had just advanced a step. He would break her heart and break it hard, but he decided that that would be seen when it happened. For now… "I don't mind,"

She gasped sharply, "You...what?"

"I don't mind," he repeated. "I'm...flattered." His inexperience with being liked in such a way was a drawback, however. He was feeling rather unnerved and ineloquent and could not for the life of him process how she had managed to develop such feelings for him.

But as she rubbed her tears away from her flushed cheeks, looking startled and terrified, her blonde hair gradually coming looser and looser, Severus decided that it would not be too unpleasant. Not if she looked like she did now most of the time, anyway.

She looked up at him, swallowing. "You mean it…?"

"Yes," He replied nonchalantly. And when she kept her gaze locked into his and closed her eyes, he knew that she wanted confirmation.

What else could he do? He swallowed and summoned all of his resolve. He had never in his wildest dreams thought about kissing her, but then again, he had never thought of being her friend either. He closed his eyes and tilted his head, eager to get it over with.

He kissed her tentatively, a spark of electricity suddenly jolting through him.

It was the most passionate thing he had ever felt. He could not formulate any rational thoughts as her soft lips met his, as he felt her hands unconsciously grip him for support, as the wind was knocked out of him.

He could get used to this quickly. Very quickly indeed. And what was odd was how he had thought that he would hate it. Maybe his newly-developed relationship with Evans had helped the kiss to be more pleasant. Whatever it was, he enjoyed it more than he should have. He eventually drew away, breathless, cheeks red, surprised at how he had felt and what had just happened.

Evans's eyes were glazed but she hurriedly shook herself and backed away. A hand went to her lips as she went a brighter shade of crimson.

They stared at each other in silence for a few painful seconds, their feet frozen to the the ground.

Then Severus turned around on his heel and left the Playground as quickly as he could.

XXX

"Petunia? Petunia!"

"I just want to get to bed," Petunia pushed past her sister, stumbling into the house. She was dizzy, full of a fuzzy, buzzing feeling that was scaring her to no end. This wasn't her, this wasn't Petunia Evans. This may be Lily, may be the other girls at college, but not her. Not goody two-shoes, homework in time, neat and clean Petunia Evans.

"Petunia? Where have you _been_? It's so late!" Lily said, her voice high-pitched in worry.

"Gosh, can you calm down? It's not that late! Not midnight, is it?"

"Petunia-"

"Leave me alone!" She shouted. She knew she looked a sight, dried tear tracks running down her cheeks, the little mascara she had put on smudged, her hair a mess, her lips pink and swollen.

"Fine, you can talk to mum and dad then!"

"Honestly, what's the big deal!?" Petunia was headed for the stairs.

"It's unlike you, Petunia, and you know that! I want to know what's going on. You look like you've been through Hell and back-"

_Maybe I have, but Heaven too. Definitely Heaven too_. "Do _I_ say anything when you come back from Potter's, nearly drunk and looking worse for wear? I can be like that too, Lily. You're just used to you being the better, more interesting sister who never backs down, always doing the most reckless and daring things. Well, I can do that too, see? I _have_!" And she disappeared up the stairs without another word.

XXX

_Well, I can do that too, see? I have!_ What had she done? Oh Merlin, what had Petunia done? Lily was in agony. What had Snape done to her? For she was certain that it had to be Snape. The strange things Petunia had been asking her for the past few months, the random declarations...What if _Snape_ was feeding it into her system, making her say it?

Questions about why she didn't go and talk it out with him, what she was planning on doing all weekend, if she missed Snape even a little...it was unlike Petunia and Lily knew that.

Vernon was not like that, and if it was someone else Petunia would have talked about _him_, not blathered on about Snape.

Lily had to do something about this. Now.

XXX

She was nearly eleven, her blonde hair tied neatly into two shiny, tight braids. She was the neater of the two sisters. Whereas Lily came home with scratched knees, scraped socks, torn dresses and with her dark-red hair in a mess, Petunia was always immaculate and in pristine condition. Lily was the wild sister, Petunia was the responsible one. The one who took care of her little sibling and made sure that she wasn't heading into trouble.

And so she was waiting for Lily now, who was nowhere to be found in the house. Petunia knew just where she was, however, and was furiously awaiting her return.

Ten minutes later, Lily slowly closed the door behind her, a bright red, entering the house with what she probably thought was a discreet expression.

"And where have _you_ been?" Petunia scowled, standing in the corridor formidably, her arms folded across her chest. Just as she had predicted—Lily was messy, dirt everywhere, even into her fingernails as if she had been digging.

Lily went pale. "T-Tuney?"

"You've been meeting that little Snape boy, haven't you?" Petunia looked outraged and angry for a reason difficult to register. She couldn't believe this! "Even when mum told you to steer clear of him! How can you go meet with someone like that, Lily? I'm telling mum!"

"Tuney, no! You don't understand," Lily's green eyes filled with tears. "He's real, real nice, I swear. A real gentleman,"

Petunia laughed mockingly. "I doubt his parents would have brought him up as a _gentleman_, Lily. You're being ridiculous,"

"Well, he _is_," Lily said, fiercely. "He's not what you think he is. Not really. Why don't you ever give people a chance, Petunia? You're a prat!" She pushed past her sister, running up the stairs.

Petunia turned around to look at her, fuming but unable to pinpoint why. She felt jealous. Very, very jealous. And Lily's words had struck a nerve…

XXX

Petunia changed into more comfortable clothing, then inspected herself in the mirror. She looked awful. Her lips were alarmingly swollen and her hair had never been so messy before.

She dried her remaining tears, combed her hair until it stopped resembling a forest, and then fell onto her bed, sighing and pulling up her knees to her chest. She blinked back new tears.

They had kissed.

On the mouth, his lips firm against hers. It was the most gorgeous thing that had ever happened to her, and probably the most traumatic too.

Her fear and utter misery at his initial rejection and uninterest, followed by her shock when he had said that he did not mind...and then her second kiss of the evening, and undoubtedly the best one of her life.

It had held the "spark" she was looking for, that was for sure. Fireworks had exploded behind her eyelids, she had felt a jolt throughout her body...she had loved it. Infact, she loved _him_. And she was completely sure about that.

The kiss had confirmed it for her. The way she had felt then had told her quite firmly that he was the one. She wanted him. And only him.

The realization bubbled out of her, white-hot, blinding, and purely, utterly true. She couldn't believe the passion and sincerity she felt in acknowledging it, letting it out, accepting it. She felt light-headed. She loved him. _She loved him!_

"I love him," she whispered to herself, then started to cry in earnest.

What had become of her?

XXX

Severus's lips were still tingling, his head buried in his hands. What the hell had he just done?

_You've betrayed her, you've betrayed Lily._

_Like she hasn't snogged Potter in the school corridors, though…_

_Still...her sister. Lily is who you love, not Evans!_

His head was reeling. He took in a lungful of air, starting to panick.

_Evans _likes_ me?_

_But...but she hated me. I hated _her_._

_What does she see in me?_

_Why did I agree to...to do that with her?_

He felt dirty. Not only because he had kissed her, but because it had felt so good. So good that he hadn't minded doing it every day if she wanted, if only if she would keep helping out on the Lily front.

But what would Lily say if she knew that he had snogged her sister before hooking up with her? Had lied to her, deceived her for the sake of getting closer to her and Potter?

_She doesn't need to know_, Severus decided. And he could always cast a charm on Evans to prevent her from telling as well.

He just didn't know how he was going to face her now...after what they had done. What a good example of things spiralling out of control.

XXX

That night Petunia dreamt that she was in the Playground with Lily, the two of them young girls again. It was much breezier than before and pollen whirled around them, the light green grass tickling their ankles.

Lily was seated on one of the swings, oscillating joyfully, as Petunia struggled to climb onto the swing next to her.

"It's so easy, Petunia! Come on!" Lily said, rising higher and higher.

Petunia for the life of her could not get on the swing, and tears of frustration burned in her eyes. Why was she so useless?

Somehow Snape was already there, standing by, looking at her particularly, his dark eyes glinting with malice. Peunia felt the dread deepen in her gut.

"How will she? Shes a Muggle," He taunted, and Lily laughed.

"Why you…" She growled, only to suddenly cower. Snape was smiling at her in an unsettling way and she was, for some reason, afraid. She hated the feeling more than anything.

"Why won't you leave me alone?" She demanded. "Why are you always there when I don't want you to be? Why are you doing this? Why won't you leave me _alone_?"

Snape didn't say anything, and she felt hot tears drip down her cheeks.

"I hate you!" She screamed. "I wish I'd never met you! I wish I had never even seen your face! You've ruined my life! I _hate_ you!"

"No, you don't," he said calmly.

Petunia woke up in a cold sweat, her breathing harsh. From her left, the cold, relentless wind blew hard against the window, sending shivers up her spine.

XXX

**Several Days Later...**

Petunia closed her eyes, her teeth clinking on the glass. She hadn't left the house in days after the...incident and had just forced herself to go and get herself a smoothie. She wasn't in the mood however.

Where had he gone?

She sighed and tapped her fingers on the table. She didn't know what she was waiting for, but she felt on edge. She had looked for Snape everywhere-albeit discreetly-on her way here but hadn't found him. Maybe he had left Spinner's End, determined to leave everything behind.

She still wasn't quite over what had happened...and her memories wandered to the first time she had seen him, after several years. Her surprise at his new persona, the added height, the shockingly deep and mature voice, the bristle on his cheeks...as compared to the skinny, hot-tempered child who had always sneered at her, paid her no heed.

It was odd how people changed. If Severus had been younger he would have never forgiven her for kissing him…but he hadn't minded, at least that was what he had said. She was craving his presence.

She suddenly sat up, looking closely at the figure outside the store, clearly visible from the glass doors. It was unmistakably him. The dark hair, the dark clothing...who else looked like that?

She left the money on the table and dashed outside, startling many people. She wrenched open the door, breathing hitched and laboured and then looked down at him.

His head shot up. His hands were in his pockets, his dark boots skidding to a stop.

She went cold all over. What had possessed her to come face to face with him again? Should she go back inside?

But Severus didn't look at her in disgust or worse, try to escape. He just looked embarrassed, scuffing the street with his shoe. The fuzzy feeling from before filled her.

Finally she spoke, "S-Severus,"

He coughed, "Evans,"

They were both so shy! She tried to say something else but something about his unfamiliar behaviour was unnerving.

Her heart plummeted. Their friendship was ruined.

_Good job, Petunia,_ she blinked back tears.

"We need to talk," she decided shakily. At least she could give him a proper goodbye.

He nodded resignedly.

"Not here," he said.

XXX

They were standing near some trees and flowers, only a little distance away from the smoothie store. He could see the familiar pathway that led back into Spinner's End, wanting nothing more than to follow it.

"Do you regret it?" She asked softly, staring at the ground, her voice filled with an unidentifiable emotion.

He faltered.

"Because if you do," she looked up at him fiercely. "I want to know,"

Severus thought about it. Did he regret kissing her? Yes and no. Yes, because it made things a hundred times more complicated and because he did not love her. And no because it had been the best goddamned thing he had ever felt in his life.

But he couldn't tell her either of those things.

"I don't know."

Petunia laughed mirthlessly and looked away. "Of course,"

Severus knew he had to fix this. He couldn't cut it off like this. Not without tying up some loose ends, finishing the job.

"But it was not unpleasant," he amended.

Her head shot up, her grey-blue eyes growing wide with surprise.

"W-what?"

"I'll be honest about that," he said, his voice low. "That's what you wanted, right? The truth?"

There was a silence where they looked at each other awkwardly. Evans's eyes softened, her lips trembled.

"If you really mean that...kiss me,"

He flinched, "What?"

"Kiss me," she demanded, looking resolute. "Prove it,"

His mind went blank. He knew he couldn't, yet he had to.

If he didn't and ended it once and for all, not only would it be the right thing for him to do but he wouldn't have to betray her, betray himself. But if he did the game would change. She would still tell him about Lily, she would still be his friend.

He had never felt so conflicted before. He stood there for what felt like an eternity, his eyes fixed on her lips, dread and lust coursing through his veins…

"Alright,"

She was visibly shocked, as if she had expected him to reject, going red.

She barely had a moment to adjust when Severus took in a deep breath and quickly closed his eyes, wanting to hurry it up. The next second he had kissed her hard, pushing her into a nearby tree. Things promptly went out of control. He pressed against her, feeling the familiar light-headed feeling coursing through him. He groaned when he heard her sigh against his mouth, gripping his shoulders for support.

His hands were pressed flat against the tree trunk, his back bent as his lips pressed into her's for a few more seconds before drawing away, his breath ragged.

So much for holding back and _putting up a bloody pretense._

She stared at him, her breath laboured as well, pupils dilated. He had never fully appreciated or seen how she looked up-close, the colour of eyes or the dimple she had in her right cheek. Her eyes were shaped just like Lily's, like almonds. In fact, she had never looked more like Lily than in this moment. Never.

For a moment that was who she was.

Lily, with her cheeky smile and bright eyes.

But then Evans moved, and his focus returned. Her eyes were blue, not green. Her hair was blonde and dead-straight, not a single wave in sight.

This was Evans, not Lily.

And he had once again made a terrible mistake.

"You're a good kisser," she interrupted his thoughts breathlessly, cheeks cherry pink.

"You're not far off," he admitted, leaning away.

She broke into a grin.


	10. A Couple, But Not Quite

**Author's Note: **A short and sweet chapter for you guys. Don't forget to review :)

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Ten**

**"A Couple, But Not Quite"**

* * *

None of them acknowledged it, nor did any of them being it up, but it went unsaid—they started dating.

It was the oddest dating Petunia had ever experienced, and she had experienced many. All short stints, with her deciding that it wasn't for her and the boy growing bored. It broke her heart every time.

But this...there were no sweet conversations, no admissions of love or love-filled glances at each other; just meeting, engaging in sarcastic, biting banter and then her motioning for a kiss and getting one...then the bittersweet silence that prevailed as they both decided that their meeting for the day had concluded.

She loved him, adored him even. But she knew that he probably didn't feel even an iota of those feelings back. She could tell. It was written in his eyes. And it was heartbreaking to see it every day.

But, still. She was dating him, _with_ him. How could she dare to complain? Something in her heart told her to be on her guard at all times, while something else told her to be grateful.

And so, when she clasped his hand tight, wanting to express just how much she felt for him, and his hand stayed still and unresponding in her grip, she did not mind. It was more than she had ever dreamed of.

XXX

It was slow, his feelings for her. Gradually building up and up so that he was not bombarded with any sudden emotion...everything flowed by steadily, giving him more than enough time to accept them.

His heart lifted when he saw her, a light in the dreary days he spent alone, writing back and forth to Avery who was adamant to have an answer. His pulse raced when she smiled at him shyly, and he tried to look away because this was not part of the plan. The plan had been to get Lily back, assisted by Evans's support, as who knew her better than her own sister? The plan had not been to kiss Evans senseless in the Playground, and then start feeling things he wasn't supposed to feel.

_You're torn. Between her and—_

No he wasn't. He was _not_. He knew very well who he loved, who he'd rather be kissing, whose hands he really fancied on his shoulder, whose laugh made him bite back a smile, whose sighs and warm breathing made him want to kiss her a little more.

Lily.

Of course.

XXX

"Where are you taking me?" His voice was dry.

"You'll see,"

"You're insufferable,"

"You too, but you don't see _me_ remarking about it all that much,"

"Point taken."

She bit back a smile. It wasn't just that the Playground had grown a little boring, with it's random patches of daisies and daffodils, the big tree with the broken branch (a nice reminder of how he had charmed it to fall down hard on her shoulder several years ago), the swings-set and the never-ending, soft, light green grass. She wanted to keep him interested, to show him that she wasn't the boring sister, as everyone usually described her. She could be interesting, she could be endearing. Just like Lily.

Petunia remembered quite clearly the way Lily and Severus had laughed and mocked her as children. They had called her uptight, someone who couldn't take risks, a coward.

When Severus had once taken Lily out of the neighbourhood on a little "trip" as a little boy, Petunia had raved about them getting kidnapped or getting in trouble by their parents, or worse. But the two of them had only looked at each other with knowing smirks on their faces, then turned their backs on her and walked away.

Maybe today she was finally going to wipe those smirks off their faces.

XXX

"The..._mall_?"

"Er, yes,"

"Evans," Severus turned to her seriously, his eyes sober and dark. "Do I _honestly_ look like someone who'd enjoy going to the _mall_?"

She bit back a laugh. It _was_ hard imagining him that way.

"No, 'course not. I imagine more dark, seedy places when I think of you, to be honest,"

"Exactly," he said without humour, "I'm not setting foot in there,"

"Yes you _are_, because I swear you'll enjoy it. I actually have something to buy for you. You'll love it, I promise. Please, Severus, _please_,"

He looked horrified, "You are not buying me _anything_."

"Yes, I am. I want to,"

"Evans, I…" It seemed like the beginning of another argument.

She raised her head, looking ready for it. She was a stubborn person and could use that to her advantage.

"You know," he gritted his teeth, "It's getting increasingly difficult not to hex you these days,"

"You wouldn't hex me," she said confidently.

"Don't be so sure," though he said it half-heartedly, his hands slipping into his jacket pockets with less vigour.

"Fine, I _dare_ you to."

He growled, "Don't tempt me,"

"Go on, then! What's holding you back?"

He flushed angrily. "Last warning,"

"You're just bluffing," she sneered. "You wouldn't dare to-wait! Severus, wait! I was just-"

XXX

In the end, he had to go with her. He didn't hex her, of course. Because she was right, he wouldn't. But he hadn't decided against not _scaring_ her, which was what he did before getting punched hard in the arm and gaining a new incident to mock her about.

He cringed as they entered the crowded place, wanting nothing more than to turn around and run away.

Her hand reached for his and squeezed. He relaxed a little and then stumbled as she hurriedly led him to a store.

_I'm not going to help her shop. Not in a million years. I might even hex her now, with no regrets, if she dares to–_

"Here," Evans said, her eyes alive with excitement.

They stood before a big clothes shop.

It was a joke. It had to be. But she pulled him inside insistently, leading him to the men's section.

"This one," she said, pointing to a blue jean jacket. "I'll buy you this. Give you something new to wear,"

"I don't need new clothes," Well, he did, but not from Evans and certainly not Muggle ones.

"You need a new wardrobe. It gives you confidence. You like black, right? I'll find you something dark…"

"Evans, you don't need to, I'm serious…"

She pressed a silky, black leather jacket against his chest. It wasn't too intolerable to wear, but he couldn't.

"This one," she said.

"I can't let you,"

"I don't mind. You can pay me back later. Take me out for a dinner…"

"I-" a firm refusal was on his lips but she looked like she would be devastated if he refused.

What could he do?

XXX

They sat, quite a while later, in the food court.

Severus was in one of his moods, eating his first ever burger and fries meal, while Petunia toyed with her nuggets. A big bag of clothes sat next to his chair.

It hadn't cost a fortune, not at all, but she knew, by the look in his eyes, that he didn't like her buying him anything, didn't like him owing her financially, and was thinking of what to do. She wanted to tell him that it didn't matter, but didn't want to bring it up either.

She couldn't help reminiscing on how things had changed, how instead of hating each other, they were spending time together. She had never believed it to be possible...

"This is rather unhealthy, isn't it?" His voice broke into her thoughts as he put the burger down.

"I reckon you need the little extra fat, anyhow,"

He snorted. "Look who's talking,"

She gave an outraged cry, self-consciously wrapping her arms around herself.

He smirked, laughing a little.

"I hate you," Did he really think that she was unattractive? She was going to start bawling...

"It's alright," he said, a little mockingly. "Better than when we were children-"

"-because you were absolutely perfect at that time?-"

"-you've gotten a little better now. Good thing, too, because you keep digging into me with your arm and if you were as bony as you were then I'd have had multiple bruises by now,"

"Honestly!" She grabbed her drink, wanting to hit him with it.

"Well, you were the one who wanted to come here with me. This is who I am. A rather honest person,"

"Maybe I should've come here with someone else…"

Something glinted in his eyes, but it was probably her imagination. "I am already feeling bad for that hypothetical person…"

"I actually _do_ have someone. He's interested, too. Even wants to marry me,"

Severus spluttered, putting down his Coke. Petunia smirked in satisfaction.

"It's true. He was trying to court me, but I'm not interested,"

"Was he that bloke from before? Who was already imagining your future house?"

Petunia flushed. Severus made Vernon look so stupid. "Maybe,"

"Really," he looked disinterested. "I pity your taste,"

"He's the one courting _me_,"

"Though, on further contemplation, I think the two of you would make a rather nice couple," he said, "Both rather thick. Both highly engrossed in themselves."

"I'm leaving,"

"Wait-" he reached for her hand anxiously. "I was just joking,"

"I don't care,"

"Merlin help me if you leave me here," he growled. "I haven't had anything to eat since morning. You could at least wait for me to finish this,"

"If you want me to do you favours you better behave," Petunia sat down, rolling her eyes, feeling prickly.

"Right." Severus smiled sarcastically, and her heart fluttered madly at the sight of it. "I won't say a word,"

XXX

She wasn't paying attention now, looking into the distance. Severus sighed, looking at the bag of clothes next to his chair. He finished the last of his burger-it had been rather nice-and started on his fries.

He stared at her, trying to suss her out. She had her hair loose today and it ran down her back in long, straight locks. She was so alike her sister, yet so different.

He had spent years with Lily, learnt all of her private habits by heart, adored them. When she was nervous, she bit her lip, fiddled with her clothing. And Evans did too. And when she was looking at Potter, even back then, her pupils dilated, her eyes brightened and she perked up, trying not to smile.

He should have known from the moment he realized that Potter fancied her, fancied her disinterest in him and her fiery nature, fancied the way she hated his pranks, that she fancied him too.

His hands clenched, he felt his pulse race and his cheeks flush. He was going to _kill_ him. Absolutely pulverise that bastard…

Evans turned to look at him, smiling before looking apprehensive.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just thought of something,"

She looked fearful, but his anger wasn't directed at her. He stood up. "Let's go, then?"

She nodded and stood up too, and somehow he knew that she had figured it out. What he had been thinking about.

XXX

"I'll walk you back till there," Severus pointed. "I don't think I should go right in front of your house, in case anybody sees,"

"That's fine," it was great that he had walked her back home at all. A cute gesture. She squeezed his hand tight, feeling little shivers go up her spine at the feel of his brief squeeze back.

And though it had been left unsaid, it felt like they were a couple. Coming home from a kind-of date, already thinking of the next time they could meet up...

They walked over to a streetlight and stopped. Severus was holding the bag of clothes and looking down at her with an expression she couldn't quite understand.

"Today was fun," she said, standing up on tiptoes and kissing him softly. She felt him sigh, then bend his head to kiss her back, willing.

His hand made no other move to touch her, but stayed by his side, which was disappointing. Finally, though, he pulled away, the long strands of dark hair that had been tickling her face disappearing.

"See you," she said quietly, stepping back.

He nodded and watched her walk away to her house. She knocked on the door, fidgeting on the doorstep. When her mum opened the door a few moments later, she turned around to see him once more...

But he was gone.


	11. Admissions

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the delay, my exams just finished. Hope you enjoy. Please review!

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Eleven**

**"Admissions"**

* * *

The stars were flickering in the dark evening sky as Petunia finally managed to spot Severus, his figure a faint outline in the darkness. When she came closer she found him lurking by a tree, looking uncharacteristically fidgety.

"Do you know how difficult it was to get past Lily?" Petunia huffed, as way of greeting.

Severus looked up, looking relieved at the sight of her, "She's getting suspicious?"

"I suppose so. And rather narked as well. I guess she's confused,"

"About what?"

"Severus, I've been sneaking out to see you for weeks now. It's not something I normally do. She's just miffed that I've changed," her voice was a mixture of triumph and bitterness.

"Does she suspect anything?" Severus raised an eyebrow.

"I think. Maybe. I've talked about you too much. I don't usually do so,"

Severus felt satisfied but tried his best not to show it. "Hm? That's interesting,"

Petunia tore her eyes away from his gaze and looked down at her dress. Though they had been close for a while, she could never get over the nervousness of being close to him. "Why'd you make me wear this?" She asked skeptically, gesturing towards her dress.

"I just said to wear something not casual, that's all,"

"Why?"

"You'll see," he patted his jacket pocket with a look that left her nonplussed. What was he up to?

In fact, what was going on? It was evening time. They never met after dark. Severus was always busy at night, and Petunia often tried to steer her thoughts away from what exactly he was busy doing at such an hour. But besides that they usually only met in the daytime, in the Playground, or whichever place they thought was convenient.

Severus led her out of the neighbourhood, walking ahead at first but then slowing down and matching his stride with her's. He said it was because he didn't want to lose her in the dark. They walked for quite a while, engaging in small talk now and then until Petunia grew more and more curious as to where they were headed.

"Please?" She wheedled.

"I said you'll see," his voice was impatient.

"But we've been walking for such a long time…"

"It's barely been twenty minutes," he shot back, looking at her with irritation. "Could you stop complaining?"

"I'm wearing heels. I have a _right_ to complain,"

"It's your fault for wearing them," he said unsympathetically and disdainfully. He looked at her high-heels, ignoring her scowl. "Do you want me to transfigure them into something else?"

"Um…" She looked warily at the wand poking out of his pocket. "It's alright. I rather like them,"

"They can be transfigured back, you di-" but before he could finish his insult Severus froze and stopped in his tracks.

Before them stood a large restaurant, it's colourful red and yellow lights illuminating the otherwise dark street. As could be seen from it's tinted windows, it was reasonably crowded.

"Severus?" Petunia gaped at the building. This was so bloody unlike him!

"Don't get any ideas," he muttered, flushing a little. "I am obliged,"

"What?"

"Come on, before I change my mind," He muttered, walking towards the doors. Petunia hurried after him and pushed open the doors excitedly.

She gasped slightly as she stepped inside. It was a rather nice place, filled with people, with soft, pleasant classical music playing in the background. But she had never seen it before.

"Is this some kind of wizard place?" She asked, looking around in awe.

"Run by a wizard, yes. But it's open for everyone, Muggles like you too," but his tone was light and slightly teasing.

Petunia shot him a brief glare, then walked over with him to a free two-people table.

Severus awkwardly sat down as she did too. He then proceeded to look anywhere but at her, his face red.

"Wow," Petunia's light eyes were wide. "You've...actually taken me out on dinner,"

"I know. I'm not that thick," He said in a prickly voice.

"Far from it," she smiled, leaning on her elbows and staring at him.

Colour suffused his sallow face, and he muttered, "Well, decide your order, then,"

Two menus had already been put down on the table, a bright orange colour with the name of the restaurant embossed in black, curly handiscript.

Petunia picked one of them up and flipped through it as Severus listlessly did the same.

What _was_ he doing?

It was so absurd, so uncharacteristic of him to do all of this, to take her out to dinner all of a sudden. She just couldn't figure this guy out.

But besides all that, Severus looked rather attractive tonight, his eyes illuminated by the dim lighting, big and dark and intoxicating. His hair hung cutely around his face, the strands that were always messily running through his eyes making her bite back a smile. Her eyes wandered to his lips, and she swallowed hard at the sight of them, wishing that they would have at least one kiss between them before she went home.

The atmosphere could have been light and pleasant if not for the fact that he had brought her out on a bloody _dinner_. Added to that, Severus had started to stare at her, his menu lying forgotten on the table.

Why was he staring?

His gaze was rather intense, his eyes as scrutinising as ever, and it made little shivers run down her spine and her face flush a light shade of pink.

Their knees were touching under the table but he made no move to move them away, as if he hadn't even noticed.

It was romantic, period.

"H-have you decided?" She croaked.

Severus broke out of his reverie and stared down at his menu. "Er, well, yes. You? You can pick whatever you want," he added confidently.

Petunia stared at the menu. All the food seeming mouth-watering...

"I'll have the pasta. Number 58,"

"Okay," Severus clicked his fingers to summon a waiter. One arrived quickly, holding a little notepad and pen.

"She'll have the pasta, this one here. And I'll...have the steak," he said dismissively, as if he had not paid it much thought and just wanted to get his request over with.

"Right," the waiter noted it down. "And what about the drinks?"

Severus looked at her.

"Go on," he prodded, "Wine?"

"No, water is fine," Petunia said honestly.

Severus looked at her worriedly, biting his lip. It was the most attractive thing she had ever seen him do.

"Water too, then," he said, as the waiter nodded and moved away, picking up the menus.

"Severus, are you going to explain now?" Petunia asked, her patience finally wearing thin and her curiosity proving difficult to control.

He brightened and patted his jacket pocket again. "I've got the money," he said. "To pay you back for the mall,"

"What? You didn't have to, I _said_-"

"Yes, I did. I'm not willing to be indebted to you again, Evans," he said, smirking a little. "And I don't want you to protest, I've dragged myself all the way here for you,"

_For you._ "But where'd you get the money from?" She asked, feeling a little put out.

"What? You think I'm dirt-poor or something?"

She didn't reply.

He sighed. "Well, you're right. I haven't a galleon-er, pound-to my name," he sounded bitter. "I only have a little, and that's from the yearly birthday gifts. I had the luck to have rather rich friends at Hogwarts,"

"So...how _did_ you get all that money?" Petunia asked fearfully.

"I didn't steal it, Evans," Severus rolled his eyes, "Believe me, I haven't stooped that low yet,"

"I didn't say that," though she let out a sigh of relief. "How _did_ you then?"

"Hours of community service. What else?"

"_What_?" She spluttered. "No!"

He looked like he was trying very hard not to smirk. "You're rather dim, aren't you? I wouldn't do that either. I just worked shifts at the apothecary,"

"You...you did that just to pay me back?"

"I started the very next day we returned from the mall," he affirmed.

"Oh, Severus," her feelings for him increased tenfold. "Thank you,"

He looked uncomfortable, then mumbled something that sounded like an 'it's alright', looking slightly embarrassed.

XXX

In all honesty, Evans was looking rather pretty today, though he hated to admit it. Her hair was let loose again, long and blonde. Her approval at what he had done for her had made him feel rather nice, like a hundred butterflies were fluttering in his stomach, like winning her approval was something worth working for.

He felt the same tension he had felt back then, on that fateful day in the Playground...but he held back. The less they interacted with each other that way the better.

In the several days that had gone by, Severus had learnt several things. A couple of them being that Lily was finally cracking and considering seeking him out to talk things over after their initial disastrous encounter. Evans had also told him that Potter was still not agreeing to her having a job when he was so wealthy. And as for Evans, he was at a loss as to what to do.

He was growing fonder and fonder of her each day...and it was beyond the feeling of them being friends.

He knew, because it was how he felt for Lily, only not as strong. He felt possessive of her sometimes, even though he had no right to. He felt like making her happy, even when he was being stingy and sarcastic. He felt like cheering her up when she complained about Lily and Potter. He felt like kissing her.

She was not her sister, as effervescent, ebullient and spirited, but she was something else, something alluring. But he wasn't sure why he had just noticed that.

He couldn't help it. She was reeling him in closer and closer, and the bait was her kindness. That had always been a major turn-on for Severus. When someone deigned to be kind to him, to spend time with him...and that had been Lily and was now what Evans was, albeit only recently. She seemed to adore him, and even though he could not understand how or why, she did.

For she had whispered it into his ear not many days earlier. After they had snogged, after she had rested her head upon his chest in contentment, whispering those three words in his ear. Those three words that haunted him most nights.

He had flinched, unable to construct any response or formulate any words. He could only stare at her in wonder. She hadn't minded his silence, cuddling closer, and that had broken his heart. He had felt terrified and softened at the same time.

He knew he was still using her, playing with her emotions so that he could get closer to Lily. That had been his plan in the beginning; befriend her, gain her trust, and then get her to feed him information about Lily. And it had been his second plan as well...allow her to feel that he was not opposed to her apparent fondness for him and go along with her feelings, allow them to grow.

He felt sick for a moment. How could he do this to her? How could he lead her on so? They were _snogging_ for Merlin's sake. How could he abandon her after so much?

He didn't want to love her that way. He wanted to love _Lily_ that way. But the girl was making it so difficult for him, toying with his emotions so selfishly. Just because he had intended to fool and use her did not mean that he had foreseen that he himself would eventually soften, grow more fond of her. That, he supposed, had been the major flaw in the plan.

Though Severus knew that he surely, certainly, did not _love_ her, nor ever would, what about his other, smaller feelings? The sparks of tenderness, the little moments of protectiveness...what about those? Why was he then harbouring those feelings? He had to do something about them...

His troubled thoughts were broken into by Evans sliding the plate of appetisers towards herself eagerly.

He pushed it towards her to help and she smiled and looked at him. "Just as an aside, I never thought for once that you would do this,"

He went crimson, "It's just to pay you off-"

"I know," she laughed, "Maybe you have a natural knack for such things?"

"Like you have a natural knack for being annoying?"

"And you spiteful?" She shot back.

"And you obtrusive?"

"And you a bully?"

"That's Potter,"

"True, but that's you too,"

Severus laughed mirthlessly, his eyes glittering, "And not you as well?"

"I was young, and it wasn't all me," Evans muttered, catching on. "You cast spells on me, they _hurt_,"

"I didn't have a wand that time, or couldn't use it at least. Everything was emotional. It was truly deserved,"

"We hated each other," Evans said in wonder, reminiscing.

"Don't we still?" Severus asked in a bored voice.

"No," she said seriously, eyes big and searching as she looked at him. His breathing suddenly hitched as he held her gaze. An odd silence surrounded the table as Severus found his mouth suddenly go dry.

"Your orders,"

Severus snapped out of it and looked up, his cheeks flushed.

"Thanks," he said, making room for the plates on the table. But Evans still looked searching.

XXX

Severus polished his plate, full. It was so rare for him to have proper, good meals when not at Hogwarts that meals like these were to be cherished. He looked at Evans, who had finished before him and was drinking her water.

"Did you like it?" He asked nervously. He really did want to pay her back fully.

"Yes," she said brightly. "Thank you,"

"Right, well we should be going then," he said, squashing the small feeling of satisfaction bubbling up inside of him.

"Right," Evans agreed.

He left the money, looking quite pleased with himself as he did so–as if doing so was a novelty for him–and walked her back home.

"You don't need to, you know? I can go back myself," She grumbled when he insisted that he was not letting her walk back alone.

"I know. We live nearby," he said, looking at her in the darkness. "Besides, I want to know more…"

"You always do, don't you?" She sounded irritant.

"Come on, Evans, just a few questions," he looked at her with what he hoped was a convincing and charming expression. She looked at him and softened, swallowing.

"Okay," she croaked.

They walked for about ten minutes, talking softly, when Severus suddenly heard something. He stopped.

"It's dark, isn't it?" Petunia murmured, scooting a little closer to him and looking slightly wary.

Severus reached into his pocket and took out his wand. "_Lumos_," he said slowly, shining the light around the street. It was empty.

From the corner of his eyes he could see Evans looking at his wand in wonder, almost envious.

For some reason she grew a little subdued the rest of the journey back home. He didn't like her like that. He tried to cheer her up.

"How's your summer been so far?"

"Interesting," she smiled slightly, looking up at him, and he knew what she was talking about.

"Is that so?" He smirked.

"Hmmm," she sidled up closer to him, and it felt so natural to have her there. "Thanks for the dinner,"

"I said it was an obligation,"

"An obligation you could've paid off some other way," she said, grinning. "You chose to take me to a candlelit dinner,"

"Stop romanticising everything," he muttered, a little heatedly. "I didn't know what you would like, so I thought I'd take you there. That's all,"

"If you say so…" She said cheerily, and he scowled.

There was suddenly the sound of talking and laughter from ahead. Severus stood on guard.

Evans looked a little apprehensive, and didn't move from his side. The sky was inky, dotted with blinking stars, but besides them and the golden glow shining from the wand, it was very dark and she looked nervous.

They walked ahead, suddenly spotting two teen boys who were walking together down the street, talking loudly about something Severus didn't give a damn about. He whispered, "_Nox_," and pocketed his wand.

"Just some Muggles," he said softly, starting to walk briskly past them.

"Can you stop saying that in such a derogatory way?" Evans hissed.

He blinked. "I didn't mean–"

The boys looked over at them curiously. One of them looked at Petunia. Severus abruptly felt his blood boil.

He gripped her hand hard and pulled her along a little forcefully.

"Ow! What's wrong with you?" She scowled, trying to pull away.

"Come _on_," he insisted.

"You're going too fast! Can you slow down? I can't even see, why've you put your light out?"

The boys started to walk over, looking friendly and innocent enough, but Severus just couldn't find it in him to trust them. He didn't know why he was so on edge, so angry.

"We have a flashlight," one of them said, looking at Petunia with an expression that made Severus grit his teeth. "We could help you back home, if you want,"

She smiled at them politely, making him even angrier. Why did they care? Why were they so keen to help her out? And why was that little git smiling? And why was Evans smiling back at him?

"Evans," he said insistently, his voice laced with censure and underlying anger. "Come on,"

"We're okay, thanks," she said.

"You sure?" The boy smiled at her blindingly, taking a step forward.

And that was it. A powerful surge of possessiveness arose in him, rendering him temporarily incoherent with anger and jealousy.

"Stay away from her," he growled.

"Severus!" Evans looked outraged. The boy raised an eyebrow.

"I'm just trying to-"

"We don't need your help," He snapped. "Now get lost before I make you,"

And then he pulled her towards him, making her stumble and then struggle to match his steps.

"What _was_ that?" She snapped. "Have you gone mad?"

"Merlin, I was trying to help you!"

"Severus, he just offered me a flashlight! You didn't need to be such a prat about it-"

"A flashlight?" He laughed. "You can't be that naive. Did you see how he was smiling? Obviously some kind of-"

Evans looked up at him, raising her eyebrows as if trying to figure him out. But she didn't say anything, following him along quietly.

Severus felt cross and flustered, red-faced. He still hadn't let go of her hand.

XXX

"You scare me sometimes," Petunia admitted, once they had reached the streetlight where he didn't venture further from. She kissed him on his cheek, feeling the slight brittleness.

"Haven't I always?" he asked and she laughed.

"You'll still be here tomorrow?"

"Where I am always am,"

"Promise?"

"Hmm,"

She hugged him hard, inhaling the bittersweet smell of him, the scent of autumn, of herbs.

"I don't want to go," she mumbled into his chest.

"Lily'll be worried,"

"So will mum and dad," she said, a small edge creeping into her voice.

"Yes, them too." He agreed. When she looked into his eyes, they looked different. More softened, less sharp and unreadable.

"One day I'll invite you inside too, promise," she said resolutely.

She felt him start, his breathing getting a little hitched. She looked up, a little startled, and saw him look so sad and guilty that she was left horrified. She never, _ever_, wanted to see him like that again.

"What's wrong?" She demanded.

"Nothing," he croaked. "Nothing. You better go home now. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye," He moved away and she was left standing bereft.

"Goodbye," she said quietly as she saw him stalk away, disappearing into the shadows.

XXX

Her mood the next morning was odd and subdued. She was longing for something but she had no idea what.

_To be with him._

She curled around her pillow, sighing heavily.

She had grown so very dependant on Severus, so enamoured of him, that she couldn't bear to think of how it would probably not last. Severus was a wizard, he would never want to be tied down with a Muggle like her. He would always choose Lily over her. She couldn't keep him distracted for long. She wasn't that beautiful or endearing.

Petunia gripped the pillow around herself tighter. She was in a very, very queer mood today. Emotional, insecure. She needed comfort desperately. All of her bad memories were creeping up on her and her feelings of insecurity were rendering her too weak to get up from her bed. She had no idea why, though. But all she could remember at the moment were all the times she had cried about not being a witch like Lily and all the times she had felt herself lacking next to her sister...especially now that she wanted Snape for herself, _needed_ him.

She had to go see him.

XXX

"Merlin," he said the moment he saw her, "What happened to you?"

"You say "Merlin" a lot, do you know that?" She mumbled, thinking about just how odd it sounded and wishing she had made a little more effort to dress up for Severus.

"Are you ill?"

"No, just...sad,"

"Why?"

"I don't know," she sighed, honestly enough.

He sat down and patted the grass next to him. "Sit down, then."

She settled down next to him and he shifted himself a bit so he was facing her. "Did you have a fight? Did your parents disapprove of you returning so late? Did Lily pester you again?"

"No, though some of those things did happen…" Petunia thought back to Lily's dirty looks last night when she had come back home. "But that's not what I'm sad about. I just feel…" She shrunk into herself. "Kinda odd, that's all," She looked at Severus, the man she had grown to love even after their past differences and the complications; him being magical, her being a 'Muggle', him loving her sister, while Petunia loved him. She suddenly felt ill.

She couldn't lose him, she couldn't. True, he was softening, true he was being nicer to her, but there would come a time when he tired of her, pursued Lily again. Lily was beautiful, vivacious, confident. Petunia was everything but. Severus didn't love her. He loved Lily. He didn't love her, he didn't, he didn't-

"Evans," Severus looked anxious. "Are you crying?"

"No," she sniffled.

Severus looked tense. "Evans, if something's wrong you can tell me. Look, you don't need to cry, right? I'll help if I can,"

"Nothing's wrong, Severus, it's just-I just…" _I_ _love you and I know I'm an idiot for that but Lily was right, you can't help who you fall for, and my luck was to fall for you, but I don't mind because I still love you so so much even though you do not, _will_ not and –_

"It's just that I'm worried this won't last," she confessed finally.

Severus looked taken aback, an unknown emotion suddenly filling his eyes. There was a short silence where he looked like he was at a loss as to what to say. Then the silence was broken as he then replied, in a low voice, "Tell me, Evans, why would you ever want to spend your time with me anyhow? I can't imagine that I am especially kind to you. Then...why?"

Petunia faltered, then seeing that she would probably have to answer, swallowed hard.

That, she supposed, was the question.

But somehow, the answer wasn't too difficult.

"I don't think it started just now," she said softly, knowing that he would understand the "it" as being her feelings. "I think it started ever since we first met, as children. When I was so horrible to you…"

Severus looked dumbstruck. "As children?"

"Yes, I think. I mean, yes, I _was_ jealous of you. Very jealous. You and Lily both. And I think you figured it out, too, though Lily never seemed to catch on. And I hated you for that but it was too late...you knew and every time I insulted you two, you just looked at me with that smug little look and..." it felt absolutely horrible to admit it out loud. In fact, it left a bad taste in her mouth.

Severus did not respond, but a crease appeared between his dark eyes and that encouraged her to go on.

"Mum and dad always loved her more, from the beginning. She was always the special one. I struggled to make friends, while people gravitated towards Lily without her trying. And when Lily started to do all those things, all that magic, I started to get suspicious. I could never seem to do it, and eventually it became obvious that only she could. And, gosh, I hated that.

And then, then she met you…" She blinked back tears furiously. "I didn't like you. Not at first. You made her feel even more special than she already felt. You were like her. I was excluded. And after a while, after it became apparent that Lily liked you too...even when I tried to stop her...I..." She took a deep breath. "I grew jealous about another thing as well…"

"What?"

She took a deep breath and looked at him. It had to come out one day. "You,"

He looked at her sharply, his eyebrows disappearing behind his hairline.

"I was jealous of her having you," her voice was weak. "I hated your magic, your connection to Lily. But mostly I also hated that you two had become bosom friends, while I could only wish that I had a friend too, a friend who cared for me as much as you did for her...and then I-and I was so embarrassed about it back then-I kind of started liking you, you know, that way, but I denied it so much it turned into something else. I used to envy her magic, now I was envying her friends too! You had grown so much more interesting, smarter. Even mum and dad thought the world of you, you just seemed so smart, at least once you started going to that school and grew more confident and stuff. All I know is that whenever I saw the two of you together, I felt so resentful…the way you looked at me like I was dirt, but looked at her like you would die for her, _do_ anything for her. I wanted that, but I knew I couldn't get it. And I just struggled with hating you and being absolutely dazzled by you and then just hating myself too," finally, the tears spilled down her cheeks unchecked. "Gosh, what's wrong with me?" She could feel Severus start and she swallowed hard. This man, this man in front of her, had had such an effect on her life since the moment she had set her eyes on him. First, as children where she had battled with disdain and attraction to the quaint, intelligent boy who had sneered at her whenever his dark eyes caught glance of her, and now as an adult, where she was battling with lust and genuine, pure love for him, everything he was. Why wouldn't he leave her alone? She knew he would never be her's, then why was she allowing him to reduce her to such a state? Destroy her so?

She was sobbing by now and suddenly there was a grip on her shoulders as Severus held her gaze, his arms on her shoulders. He looked like he was in pain, like her tears were affecting him physically.

"Evans. Evans stop," he pleaded, his eyes filled with guilt. "Please. I'm sorry. I can't...I just…" His face crumpled. "It's my fault,"

XXX

Evans's eyes were widened in surprise, grey-blue and flecked with tears. He finally felt his self-restraint slipping, and his grip on her slacked as he lowered his face to her's so they were level.

The guilt from yesterday, how he was feeling now, his sudden affection for her, and the conflicted emotions running through his head...he kissed her deeply, his hands sliding from her shoulders to cup her face.

It was the first time he had ever initiated anything.

He felt her gasp, then close her eyes, tears still dampening her cheeks as she kissed back.

When they surfaced to draw breath, a long time later, he looked at her intently, her dishevelled and taken aback expression both embarrassing him for his loss of control and making him feel rather lustful at the same time.

"You're making a horrible decision wanting to have anything to do with me,"

"It's also the _best_ decision I've made," She smiled weakly.

"I don't know, but I'm sorry if I was a little hard to stomach these days...And...I think you should let the past go, Evans. After all, I'm not the same and you're not the same, and things are not the same. Maybe things didn't turn out how we expected, but they could've been worse,"

Her lips were parted in wonder as she nodded silently, and he had to try very hard to look away. He was not in his right mind today, for what else could explain his sudden odd behaviour? What else could explain how he had allowed himself to get drawn in so much? To be softened and softened until the thought of kissing her was the most pleasant one he had had in days?

Evans settled her head on his chest and gripped the front of his shirt, snuggling close.

"Please, Severus, could you stay with me for just a little longer?"

He hesitated.

"Okay,"


	12. Progressing

**Author's Note: **Thank you so much for all the support :). Honestly appreciate it! For anyone wondering when Snape will 'confess', just be a little more patient. The entire plot has been written down and nothing will take too long. Thanks for reading. Don't forget to review!

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Twelve**

**"Progressing"**

* * *

Severus's eyes were glazed as he surveyed the cracks in the ground, trudging down the street.

He had been feeling terribly sentimental for the past several days, the guilt overwhelming him until sleep was a rare commodity most nights.

He couldn't do this any longer. He couldn't keep playing this game. He couldn't do this to her.

Severus felt like breaking something. Why did he always have to be such a fool? Such a pitiable idiot, falling for people he had no right to love. First it was Lily, with her stunning looks and popularity, someone Severus should have known could never be his...and now it was Evans, her sister...with her long blonde hair and blinding smile...

"Argh!" He clenched his fists. He _didn't_ love her, dammit. Not even close. He had just stopped loathing her, that was all. And their "relationship" was just a game, every single kiss.

But he didn't _want_ to play it anymore. He may not loathe her but he loathed the sight of her tears, despised them more than anything. He could just imagine her face when he told her he had been using her...using her to get to her sister.

_'...The way you looked at me like I was dirt, but looked at her like you would die for her, do anything for her."_

He felt ill. His hands were trembling. He took deep breaths to steady himself.

Was it odd that he hadn't been feeling that enamoured of Lily lately? Wasn't craving her presence, her hand in his? He had spent so much time and energy with Evans that he had almost forgotten about his initial purpose.

These days, instead of longing for Lily, her bright green eyes and cascading red waves, he was continually craving the chance to see _Evans_, craving the chance of her light pink lips on his, the chance to see her blue eyes, the chance of seeing her smile, which resembled Lily's so much but was something of it's own accord. They hadn't met in quite a couple of days...had she forgotten about him? Did she want to avoid him? They hadn't gone for a single day without meeting before.

He sat down heavily on a nearby bench. It was getting dark, as well as chilly.

Severus hated these bubbling feelings inside his chest. He was _not_ in love with Evans. He wasn't, he couldn't be. He was just feeling sorry for her. Sorry he was doing this to her.

In fact, why the hell did he _care_ if they didn't meet? What the hell was wrong with him?

To be honest, the less he saw of her, the better. His lustful, childish feelings would have time to dissipate.

XXX

Petunia had her hands clenched around her cup of tea. She couldn't seem to think of anything but Severus all day.

They hadn't met since she had poured out her heart to him and she had kept the distance between them for a few days, wanting to sort out her feelings...but now she wanted nothing more than to see him again, if only to see his face.

She could imagine Severus smiling at her in that small, shy way he did when he forgot himself...and it made her heart lift.

XXX

Severus stirred his coffee lazily, yawning. He had bought the coffee powder from a store with the leftover money he had earned at the apothecary. It had been a good decision.

He was in a very, very odd mood today. He had woken up feeling completely different about Evans. Now instead of wanting to keep a distance, he wanted to destroy all boundaries altogether. He wanted to meet her.

The rational part of his mind told him it was just lust, coupled with sleepiness and irrational morning feelings…but, well, he didn't quite care. He wanted to see her desperately, and now.

He put the spoon down and moved away from the counter he had magicked up.

He combed his hair and put on his outdoor coat, then, without thinking, headed for Evans's house.

XXX

Petunia knew it was him the moment she looked out of her window.

Tall, thin, wiry, and dressed in dark clothing, who else could it be?

Severus made a motion with his hand, calling her over. He was standing on the street, out of view of her other family members, and her heart swelled when she saw him, a huge smile growing on her face.

She didn't even think about it; she rushed to her closet, pulled out new clothes, and changed in record time. After combing her hair hurriedly, she rushed down the stairs and made for the door.

It did not escape her notice that Severus had called for her from her window, something she had once wished he would do to her...when he had accidentally mistaken her room for Lily's.

Nor did it escape her notice that Severus had also done something he used to do with Lily long ago. Petunia could never forget the way Lily squealed with excitement whenever she saw him standing outside, rushing out of her room and down the stairs to meet him.

She finally opened the front door, cheeks flushed, and walked over to him eagerly.

His face lit up when he saw her and he smiled slightly, once again making her heart skip a beat. It was very difficult to stay calm near Severus.

"Evans," he greeted.

"Severus," she went forward and hugged him hard, without thinking about it. He smelt of herbs and Autumn, just like he always did.

She felt him stiffen then say softly, "It's just been a few days,"

"Felt like forever," Petunia murmured.

Severus pulled back and gazed at her with a look she had never seen on him before. She went warm all over when she realised it was lust. At first she was unsettled but then her cheeks went red. Lust? For _her_?

"Evans…" He said in a husky voice, his eyes hooded and his breath warm. Without warning, he suddenly kissed her, making her stumble in surprise.

She felt herself going red all over, as the overwhelming sensation left her unable to do anything but kiss him back, feeling like she was floating off.

It was not a soft kiss. It was harsh and passionate and bloody amazing. She had never been kissed this way before, and was surprised by how amorously Severus was behaving, something which was very unlike him.

He was always calm, restrained, steady. Now he seemed like he couldn't get enough of her. It was extremely flattering and made her feel a little dizzy.

He suddenly broke off and pushed her gently against a tree, his face close to her's.

He was about to lean down and kiss her again when Petunia managed to squeak out, "Severus...we can't. Not here. Anyone could see. Lily could look out the window and catch us. Let's...let's go somewhere else,"

He looked briefly dismayed, then nodded.

"Alright, come on,"

XXX

_What's up with him today?_ Petunia thought as she quietly followed him to a place outside the neighborhood. _He's never like this. I'm always the one kissing _him_. And he seems so desperate. For _me_. How can that be?_

Severus stopped. There were standing in a very green secluded area, not very far from the Playground.

He sat down under the shade of an oak and she shyly sat down next to him.

They engaged in some catching up, for conversation's sake. Awkwardly, they made up for the days they hadn't met by asking about menial things, pretending the scene of a few days before hadn't occurred.

"So...how have things been these past few days? Anything interesting happened?" Severus asked, after about fifteen minutes of idle chatter , his gaze still far from innocent.

"They've been okay. But no, nothing really happened...it's been really dull without you, you know? I missed you," Petunia admitted softly.

Severus's eyes filled with desire at her words. "I missed you too," his voice was soft as he leaned his face closer to her's. Breath shallow and very surprised at his words, Petunia started to speak before being kissed so deeply fireworks exploded behind her eyelids. At first the kiss was soft and languid, almost like he was requesting permission, before the pressure increased and he nearly leaned over her, Petunia's elbows being pressed into the grass.

Light-headed, she clung to him desperately, arms round his neck, as he sighed and pushed her right into the grass, onto her back, her hair getting messier by the minute.

Unconcerned, she continued to kiss, the most amazing one she had ever experienced in her life, his hair falling over her, obscuring the side of her face.

When Severus finally drew away, several moments later, looking startled with himself, Petunia felt like she had been on a roller coaster and it had just slowed down. She felt absolutely, thoroughly kissed, a glazed look covering her eyes. That had been...intense.

Severus was still looking startled and he backed away, shame filling up his eyes and making him go pale. He tried to speak but the only sound he could summon was a choke.

"Severus…?" Petunia felt her pulse quicken once more, but not in a pleasant way this time. She pushed herself up from the ground, brushing blades of grass from her hair.

But Severus was now looking distraught and looking anywhere but at her. "I..I'm sorry...I…" He opened his mouth and then closed it, swallowing and looking tense and nervous. "I didn't…"

Petunia's eyebrows shot upwards as she began to feel a little anxious. "Severus? What's wrong?"

"I don't know what came over me," his expression was pained. He looked at her pleadingly, as if willing to make her understand. "I just…"

Petunia felt herself go red with anger. She felt cold all over."You just what? Was that just an accident?"

"No, I didn't m-"

"Then what, Severus?" She could feel furious tears burning in her eyes. "Was it a _mistake_?"

He stared at her blankly, then swallowed, and reached for her.

Petunia leaned away, eyes still narrowed. "Maybe I should just go," she made to stand up, though her heart had fallen to her feet.

But Severus grabbed her hands and pulled her down again.

"Evans, wait," he pleaded. "That's not what I meant. I meant I've never been so forward with you before. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable,"

Petunia frowned. "What?" She looked bewildered. "Of course you didn't, Severus. I was surprised but...you didn't,"

"You didn't mind me pouncing on you? I thought you'd be upset,"

"I enjoyed it," Petunia went a bright shade of pink. "It was really...earnest."

Severus flushed briefly, then said nervously, "I'm not used to doing that. I think it was because of not seeing you for…"

"Nearly a week?" She laughed, closing the gap between them and kissing him on the cheek. "I'm sorry for getting defensive, Severus. I didn't mean to shout at you."

"No need to apologise," the grip on her hands loosened.

"I still feel bad,"

"Don't," he said. She leaned her head on his shoulder.

"You could kiss me like that again, you know? Anytime you want. I…" She trailed off awkwardly. _Idiot_.

She felt Severus shift beneath her, but he said nothing. She could almost feel his shock.

XXX

They went to the creek, later.

Severus had found it as a child and it had been one of his favourite places ever since. It was unpolluted and beautiful, contrary to the river running through his neighbourhood. He had really wanted to clear his head after that spontaneous kissing and this place seemed as good as any to go to.

Severus still felt the need to apologise for the rough way in which he had kissed her. He felt guilty about it, not only because it had been uncharacteristic of him and he had lost control, but also because he was moving further and further away from Lily.

Evans clasped his hand eagerly, and a strange feeling went through him. They stared in unison at the bubbling creek, an eery turquoise with pebbles littering it's surface.

"It's beautiful! I never knew t…"

"I discovered it long ago. I thought it would be a change from the Playground,"

"It's beautiful," Petunia whispered again. They stood still watching, Severus looking for something to say.

There was suddenly a scuffling sound from the bushes. Evans flinched and Severus's hand flew instinctively for his wand. They waited. After a few moments, a slight ginger cat emerged from the bushes, shaking leaves from its back. Severus glowered at it.

"Oh!"

Severus suddenly recognised the creature as Lily's old tomcat, it's tawny coat brushed and sparkling as if it had been recently groomed. It hissed at Severus.

"What're you doing here?" Petunia asked softly as she bent down and gathered it in her arms. The cat relaxed.

"It's always unsettled me," he commented as Petunia petted it behind its ears.

"Come on, Severus. He's adorable."

"You like cats?"

"Quite a bit," she smiled. Another feeling shot through him, like electricity.

As Evans began to pet the cat, Severus watched, in fascination, at the spectacle, the cat in her arms, her tenderness, her head tilted to one side as her hair spilled sideways, glinting gold in the sun. And something clicked inside of him. Something big. His throat went dry. He couldn't help but stare at her as the feelings grew and grew in his chest…

"Severus?"

He blinked, then coughed nervously, "Er, yes?"

Petunia stood up, the cat in her arms. "Do you want to hold it?"

"No," he said immediately and the cat bared it's teeth and swung a paw at him.

Severus narrowed his eyes warily and backed away as Petunia giggled and let the cat down. It raced away.

XXX

They were sitting together, staring at the creek as they made small talk.

Severus felt like his heart had been ripped in two. Fine, he admitted it. He _was_ torn between the two sisters.

Torn between Lily, his ex-bestfriend, his first love, the reason he had hooked up with Evans in the first place, done all of this for. She was beautiful, she was vivacious...but she was also not interested. She loved Potter now, while she loathed the sight of him. Maybe she would never forgive him. Maybe she would. But things would never be the same between them.

Evans, on the other hand, was his childhood enemy, a Muggle, one of the people he had loathed and sworn never to forgive. But now...he couldn't help it. He was starting to grow fonder and fonder of her. And she already adored him.

_It doesn't matter what I want. It'll never work out. Things like these never do._

One of these days Severus had to come to a decision. He couldn't carry on using her. It was either let her go, or nothing.

He couldn't help but feel half-hearted about Lily now. Everytime he closed his eyes to envision her, a picture of her and Potter, close together and madly in love, popped up instead. But thinking of Evans was worse, because then it reminded him each and every time just how pathetic he was.

XXX

Severus's presence was extremely comforting and Petunia wished she never had to leave.

It had finally happened–she had gotten over her childhood grudge and fallen completely, irrevocably in love with Severus Snape. A part of Petunia was proud, another part was shocked.

She looked at him through the corner of her eyes. His smile made her heart feel like bursting and his touch made her feel hot all over.

But one thing was still bothering her; the secrecy. Sure, there was a thrill in sneaking out to see him, keeping him a secret, kissing him and knowing that if anybody found out, it wouldn't end well...But it couldn't last forever. She wanted to be with Severus officially, without hiding it from Lily and her parents, but she didn't know if Severus wanted that. Which made her feel very insecure. Horrible thoughts rushed to her mind but she pushed them away. How could he be using her when his kisses were so pure, felt so honest? When his softened eyes looked at her sometimes? But she could never tell with Severus. Severus Snape was unfathomable and mysterious, and that was what drew her to him and what made her feel extremely on edge around him at the same time.

XXX

**A couple of days later…**

Severus woke up that morning to the sound of an owl banging at his door.

He groaned and sat up, rubbing his head.

After about five minutes, he managed to get to his feet. Trudging over, he opened the door and grabbed the letter off the bird's leg. The owl flew away.

Yawning and padding over to his magicked counter, he began to brew some coffee. While making it, he opened the letter and read it.

After about ten minutes, he wasn't making coffee anymore. Utterly distraught, he read the piece of paper again and again to make sure there had been no mistake.

..._asked us and wants your answer now…_

_...War starting…_

_...Needs all the help he can get…_

_...time to make a decision._

Severus tried his best to stay calm. His level best. But he couldn't. His hands were pale and shaking and a sense of foreboding had settled in his heart.

_This is it. The end._

Severus felt ill. He couldn't back out now. He had planned this with them, promised his schoolmates his allegiance...if he withdrew, he was not only a coward but a dead coward. For he did not think for one second that they would take his rejection slightly.

XXX

In the end, he sent a formal letter back, after several rewrites, of his acceptance.

He couldn't sleep that night. Anger lay on the surface, and so did bitterness and worry, but even worse was the guilt and regret.

"_You won't join, will you?"_

_"No."_

He had betrayed her. Lily didn't even come to his mind at this moment. Only Evans's timid question and her smile when he had reassured her shone behind his eyelids.

_So what? _What was she? A Muggle! Just a Muggle! If he continued to keep any ties with her they were _both_ goners.

_You can't leave her yet. Just make your decision...then you can deal with this issue and end it._

_No matter how hard it is._

Severus was not a crier, but that night he came very damn close. His fate had been decided, was now resting in the hands of The Dark Lord. He had not only betrayed his childhood best friend, but Evans as well.

He wasn't sure why that hurt him as much as it did.

XXX

Severus awoke the next day absolutely furious with himself and with everything. What was he, but a fully-fledged Death Eater now?

He didn't bother with breakfast. Something else was bothering him. He needed something to distract him, something to take his fury out on…

He remembered his planned meeting with Evans.

He saw her near the entrance of the gates and a fire burned within him, rising and rising. She was dressed in a deep blue blouse, and a white skirt. Her blonde hair was in a ponytail, pulled back, and her almond-shaped eyes seemed bluer than ever. Severus felt the fire blazing even higher.

"Sorry I'm late," she smiled at him when he neared her.

"It's fine," Severus looked at her longingly. The anger and bitter regret which had still not dissipated was causing Severus to feel an increasing urge to just pin her against the gate and kiss her senseless.

But he opened the gates calmly, and they went inside.

"Severus, are you alright? You seem...put out,"

And he was, but he did not doubt for a second that it would last with her there. "It's nothing," he couldn't look her in the eyes. He wanted to kiss her and release his tension but this time he felt rational enough to desist…just long enough...

"Are you sure?" She tilted her head to one side, looking at him intently.

"Yeah," he mumbled.

"Can I cheer you up?" She asked softly, stepping over to him and kissing him very softly on the lips. Severus caught his breath as his world reduced to that spot there.

_Don't_, he told himself.

But a larger part of him wanted to respond, wanted to respond quite a bit.

His hands went to her shoulders to steady her, and he felt a slight jolt when Evans's arms went around his neck. He was still in control of himself until she deepened the kiss, her hands tangling in his hair...

Severus kissed her hard, taking out all of his frustration and anger on her, tasting her like she was a drug, a remedy for the burning feeling of guilt inside him…unconsciously, he pushed her against the trunk of a tree, the tree with the infamous broken branch. He could feel her writhing a little beneath him. Merlin, she was irresistible. This was bliss…having someone to take out your frustrations on…having someone to yourself…

"Evans….." He sighed mindlessly, before realizing her lips had stopped.

XXX

Petunia had been in heaven, had been more light-headed than she had ever allowed herself to be, but the sound of his deep voice calling out her last name suddenly made her lose all interest whatsoever. She stilled, breathing hard.

She hadn't minded Severus calling out her last name, had found it attractive when he said it in his silky voice, but now, with them so close and intimate, with her arms around his neck and him pushing her against a tree and snogging her, she rathered he used her _first_ name.

"You know," she grumbled, before she could stop herself, pulling away her lips slightly. "You could call me Petunia,"

She felt him start, draw in a bemused breath. She looked up to see him looking surprised, stepping back.

"What?"

"I wish you'd call me Petunia," she could feel her resolve slowly weakening...she was nervous, and Severus's eyes were still slightly wide. "I mean...after all we've done,"

"But-but why does it matter?" He asked, still startled.

"Because we're _friends_, Severus," she didn't bother mentioning that they were quite a bit _more_ than friends. "You can't call me "Evans" forever,"

Severus's cheeks had a faint pink tinge on them, and he sighed, looking away. There was a silence and Petunia wondered if she had made a mistake. A while later, Severus looked back into her eyes, and said slowly, "Does it mean that much to you?"

"Yes," she admitted, later flushing at her admission.

"You won't let it go?"

Petunia bit her lip. She shook her head decidedly.

Severus closed his eyes. "Urgh..." He muttered. "Alright. Whatever,"

Petunia gasped. "Wait...you mean it?"

"Lets see-"he muttered grumpily before being cut off as Petunia lunged forwards and hugged him, feeling euphoric.

"I love you, Severus," she declared, as she whispered in his ear. "I really do,"


	13. Treachery

**Author's Note: **Please comment and tell me what you think :) Also, Snape chooses to join the Death Eaters because he does not want to keep any ties with Petunia and feels guilty about spending time with her at all, especially as it is still considered "using" her when he doesn't properly share her feelings and wants her help to get to Lily. Thanks for reading as always. Sorry this chapter is so long!

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Thirteen**

**"Treachery"**

* * *

**Late September, 1978**

And soon, it was time for his first meeting.

Severus was summoned to a desolate area, where he had to wait for somebody to come and meet him. Feeling rather jittery, he kept himself calm by thinking about how, after this was over, he could go back home, to his books, to Petunia. For now, though…

"Severus! You came," Two men were approaching him, though one had taken off his hood and was smiling at him.

"Avery, Mulciber," Severus said in surprise. It felt rather nice seeing his old school friends again after such a long time. "Is he ready to see me?-"

"Yes," Mulciber said solemnly, "Be as respectful as you can, Snape, and think before you speak. Also, do not balk at anything, or you're a—,"

"That's enough, Mulciber, he's already nervous enough," Avery said quickly.

"I'm not nervous, I'm just...apprehensive." Severus mumbled.

"Understandably. Just stay calm and everything will go fine,"

Severus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He thought of Lily, and he thought of Petunia, and then he thought about the respect he would start getting, the honour and admiration he would receive, and then opened his eyes, decided.

"Let's go,"

Avery and Mulciber led him away, towards a large, dark and abandoned mansion.

XXX

"...We don't really have an official quarters, the Dark Lord just summons us wherever is convenient for him-" Mulciber was saying.

Severus was listening intently to every word. However, before Mulciber could explain _how_ the Death Eaters were summoned, the doors suddenly swung open and everyone fell quiet.

There, sitting on a large chair, and talking to several other Death Eaters, was him.

The Dark Lord.

_Stay calm. Stay. Calm._

There was a short silence where the Dark Lord paused in the middle of his conversation and turned to the doors, looking at him with a gaze that sent shivers down his spine.

"Ah. Severus Snape," He said, his voice loud and resonating. Severus felt his pulse quicken. "I've been waiting for you. It's been quite a while. I was almost fearing you wouldn't join us...Come up here," he stood up from the chair.

Severus walked towards him, "I am glad you gave me this opportunity." He blurted. "I-"

"Nonsense. I have heard that you are a talented wizard, Severus, and it would be a shame for you to not work with us. You know our goal, I presume?"

"The gist of it, yes."

"And do you agree with it? Is it something you are willing to work for?"

Severus swallowed. "Yes, I am,"

"Think carefully, Snape. Can you be of use to us?"

"I can," His voice rose slightly, desperately.

Severus could not see the man very well in the dimly lit room, but he could make out a hint of pale skin. He had heard that the Dark Lord was originally quite normal-looking, like everyone else, but slowly his features had started to mutate...But for now, it wasn't as awful as it would be not very long later, though Severus was oblivious to that fact.

The man smiled, and said, "Good. Very good. But you will have to prove yourself, Severus. Go on a few missions. If you succeed in them, we will finally welcome you in our circle,"

Severus caught his breath as the Dark Lord extended his arm.

It was almost as if he was being forced to confirm the path he had chosen, to finalize his decision.

Willing himself to look reserved, he lifted his own arm and shook the proffered one silently.

XXX

The wind was fierce, Severus's jacket whipping in the air as he stood wearily, not meeting her eye.

"You're ill,"

"No, I'm not,"

"Yes, you are," Petunia insisted. "I think you should get some rest, Severus,"

"I'm fine," he groaned, though, to be honest, he was feeling rather febrile.

"No, you're not. I think you've got a fever. Why don't you brew one of those...antidotes of yours,"

"Urgh...they're all the way back home…" Severus grumbled. "Can't I stay here, with you?"

She blushed a pretty shade of pink, "I'd love that, Severus. But I want you to feel better. You know I do,"

He muttered something, then turned his head. He was leaning against a tree, arms folded across his chest, trying to look untroubled and calm but failing. His skin was pale, he felt lethargic and his eyes had a haunted look to them. But, oddly enough, he had put away his guilt long enough to interact with Evans one last time.

"Should I make you a cup of tea?"

"No," the thought of eating or drinking anything made Severus feel sick to his stomach. "Just stay here with me, Ev-" he stopped himself just in time. "Let's talk. Maybe I'll feel better with some company,"

"Oh, alright," she seemed defeated.

Severus frowned. He didn't like her upset, and hurriedly thought of something. "Er...Why don't you tell me about your-your plans to study further,"

"What, university?"

"Yeah," he encouraged her.

"Well, I really wanted to go..." She mused. "Preferably somewhere abroad, for a change, but mum and dad don't want me to leave Britain. Or even England for that matter. And then I decided I didn't want to study extra anyhow, it's a lot of work. I just want to get a job, something that'll help me earn a bit, until…" She trailed off, blushed, and continued, "I'm a little disappointed to have given it up, though,"

"Well, why would you want to study extra, anyway? All those Muggle subjects…"

Petunia bristled. "Well, we don't have magic classes, but we're not that-" she stopped when she saw his smirk. "Prat."

"Won't deny it," he felt sick again. "Um...I have to talk to you," He closed his eyes.

Petunia went silent. Finally, after a few seconds, she said, "You do?"

Severus opened his eyes and looked at her, blonde and slender, with her eyes looking at him with adoration and anxiousness. He had looked at Lily like that for nearly all his life. But he didn't deserve for someone to feel the same for him.

_Should I kiss her one last time? To say goodbye? _She had a little frown on her face. Just begging to be kissed away. It was making him feel wretched.

_Please. Please just tell her. This can't go on_, one part of his mind pleaded.

_But...but I don't want to leave her yet, _the other part argued.

Merlin, could he stop being so ridiculous? He hated battling with himself like this, hated the scorching feeling of knowing what was the rational thing to do but being unable to do it…

"Severus…" Petunia was looking at him closely. "What is it?"

Severus swallowed. How in the world could he tell her anything? Tell her he had been using her? Tell her he loved Lily more than her? Tell her what he had just signed up for? What he was going to be soon, after he passed the missions? For he had no choice but to pass. Avery had warned him that failing would only get him punished. She would hate him, just like Lily.

There was a silence, where Severus faltered a little and decided that perhaps the time had come to free himself...he had to tell her...he had to end this...before it was too late and Evans never forgave him. He would simply tell her it wasn't working out...and then move on. He would find a way to get to Lily himself, without her help (if he even wanted to, for he felt rather apathetic towards Lily these days) and he would progress in the Death Eaters and gain recognition throughout Britain. Lily would be impressed. She would want to marry him instead.

But just then, before he could say a single word, there was the sound of footsteps and he looked up.

XXX

There, in front of them, stood Lily.

"P-Petunia?" Lily's mouth was agape, her eyes as wide as saucers. "What-what are you..."

Evans had gone white, standing stock-still, not a single word escaping her lips.

Lily slowly turned to him, where he stood, motionless and horrified, feeling his heart beat so fast he feared it would break out of his chest.

"_You_!" She cried. "Severus, what's going on? What's going on? How could you?"

He tried to speak.

"We were just talking, Lily!" Evans finally managed to shout. "Calm down!"

"Talking? Petunia, you _hate_ him!"

"Not anymore. Unlike you I don't hold onto a-"

"That's rubbish and you know it," Lily was starting to turn as red as her hair. "Petunia, I'm not a fool. You've been sneaking out, all these weeks, all this time, to see _him_. And you kept hiding it, keeping it a secret! How could you be so thick, Petunia? Don't you know he-"

"Lily, just stop," Evans's eyes had filled with tears. "You don't understand anything, not a thing. I know you think he's pathetic and dangerous or whatever-but I trust him,"

Severus started to say something but Lily let out a snide laugh and then looked at him.

He was shocked at how she was behaving. She almost seemed to loathe him, like he loathed Potter. This wasn't the Lily he knew, the Lily he loved.

_This wasn't the Lily he loved._

_Nonsense_, he told himself desperately. _Of course you love her...it's just that…_

"Severus, please. You think I'm that stupid? You know I know you don't like her, don't even respect her! You've been _using_ her, haven't you? You're pathetic! I can't believe I _let_ you use my sister, _let_ you hurt her! I can't believe you would do this to her!"

"Lily, shut up!"

Severus's throat bobbed. Once more, he was unable to speak. Lily was looking at him with a look of severe reproach.

"Lily, _please_," Evans cried now desperately. "You need to calm down. I trust him,"

Severus wished she would stop saying that, it wasn't helping with his nerves.

"Lily, let me ex-" He began.

"Yes, Severus, tell me," The redhead overrode him. "Do you truly like her? Regard her as a 'friend' her like you pretend to? Well? Do you?"

_Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know!_

"Lily," was Severus imagining it or was there pain in her eyes? Hatred? "It's not ehat you think,"

Then, like lightning, it suddenly hit him.

_This was his chance!_

His long-awaited moment, the most important day of his life. He had done all of this, schemed tirelessly for this very moment, for Lily to finally be all-ears, without Potter, without distractions.

This was the moment he finally confessed, finally professed his love to his childhood best friend, the woman he adored, needed, wanted, and could not live without.

Though his heart was not nearly into it as he wished it would be, perhaps not even at all, Severus plunged on, foolishly and blindly, putting on a brave front.

Lily backed away, startled, as Evans suddenly fell silent.

"I need you to listen to me. Will you?"

Lily looked suspicious, her mouth parted as if to say no. But then she relented. "Will you explain?" Her voice was cold.

"Yes," he promised.

"Okay," she said tersely. "Im waiting,"

Severus took a deep breath. "I-I should have probably told you this long before..."

"What do you mean?"

"I..." Severus swallowed nervously and closed his eyes for a moment. "I care for you,"

Behind him, he felt Evans start, let out a soft gasp. Lily looked very confused and taken aback. He went on, knowing he couldn't stop now. "I've always cared for you deeply Lily, and nobody else. More than Potter..." He said. She looked very startled at this, understanding now. "I can't see myself with anybody but you. Since that day, when we fought, I havent been able to forget you. And if I could take back what I said to you, I would a thousand times. And if you could only forgive me I..."

And then he trailed off. Time seemed to have stood still. Lily's face had gone white now, her hands trembling. He didn't know what Evans's reaction was, for she was so still behind him it was like she was frozen, though the weather was humid and dry.

"Severus, I…"

Severus suddenly felt a stab in his heart. No. _No, no, no..._

He knew that look. It was a look that spelled discomfort, not love or gratitude. He was going to get denied and he knew it. What had he done?

Lily coughed. "I appreciate it, Severus, I really do, I'm-I'm very surprised about this, I don't know what to say. You were a good friend to me and I always treasured that...But...but I'm sorry, I'm already in love with James," she sighed. "You've done too much, and I...I don't think it will ever work out, not after...But that doesn't matter. What does matter now is what you did. How could you, Severus? If you loved me you wouldn't have hurt Petunia. You've always hated her...How could you lead her on like this?" Her tone grew curt and disapproving again, anger masking her words. She started to scold him, just like she always did after she spotted him hanging out with a House mate, after he disagreed with her in the slightest thing.

She was glaring at him now, throwing away his words like they had been nothing more than an irksome fly.

Shock and anger arose in Severus for a second, melting the numbness and dejection away. She–she had rejected him. He had no chance with her now...

At that very moment, something astonishing happened.

Seeing Lily sneer at him, look at him so hatefully, right after his confession, after the "most important" moment of his life, made something in his heart click. He felt a heavy weight lifting off him, like a boulder, and any feelings whatsoever he had had for Lily fading away.

He did not love her anymore.

And honestly, during the course of the past few days, he wondered if he even had after a while.

It was shocking and unbelievable but that was exactly how he felt right that moment. He had done everything he could, tried his hardest to please her, to gain her forgiveness, but in the end, it was all worthless.

His heart, if it belonged to anyone, belonged more to…

Severus turned around, frantically, to see Petunia, stock-still and staring at him with a look full of hurt and accusation, tears dripping down her cheeks.

Seeing her expression, seeing her cry, clenched something in Severus's heart until it was nearly painful.

_He_ had made her cry.

"No, Petunia, please," Severus began, but she backed away, her face flushed. What in Merlin's name had he done?

"Leave her al-" Lily began but Severus ignored her, walking towards Evans desperately.

"You-you have to listen to me, you have to let me explain," he pleaded, seeing the accusing look on her face.

"Get away from me," she spat, her blue-grey full of hatred. It was like a slap on the face. "Just get away from me, Severus!"

She suddenly rushed away, sobbing, leaving him behind, like he was the most despicable human being she had ever met.

Maybe he was.

"Ev-Petunia, _Petunia_!" He shouted, his legs going after her on their own accord.

She turned around then, her hair whipping about as looked at him in pure fury. "Don't you _ever_ call me that again! You don't deserve to! You-"

"No, no you need to listen Petunia," he blabbered, going up towards her. She didn't move, just looked at him hatefully, tears soaking her face. Severus felt about ten inches tall. How pathetic could one get?

"I-I can't stand you crying," he said hoarsely. "Please, just let me explain,"

"What is there left to explain? What? That you failed with Lily, now want to come after me? But oh wait, I'm a _Muggle_, aren't I? Someone not fit to be seen with the likes of _you_-"

"That's not true," he protested. "I-I stopped thinking that, Petunia, I promise. I just-"

"I thought you cared for me!" Her voice was thick. "At least _liked_ me, that you wanted to spend time with me...that...that you weren't using me!"

"I know what I did was wrong, but I-I made a horr-"

"Save your apologies," she spat. "I don't want to hear them,"

This couldn't be happening again.

"I can explain," he felt close to tears himself. "Let me explain, Petunia, and then you can decide for yourself,"

He looked at her intently, at her tear-stained face, at her bloodshot blue eyes, at her face searching his, teeth biting her lower lip as she thought, mulled what he had said over in her head...

He said a silent prayer in his heart, still ignoring Lily who was standing further away, watching with disbelief, apparently resisting the urge to come between them.

"No," Petunia finally choked out. "Not this time," she stepped back. "I should have known...that you only loved _her_, loved Lily. I-I was never anything to you," she ran away before Severus could reply, Lily going after her, before shooting a dirty look back at Severus.

Grief consumed him, as well as anger at both the women. Lily, who he now no longer held any feelings for, as if they had all been washed away, and Petunia, who he had foolishly allowed his heart to slowly, steadily fall for.

And now he had neither and, Merlin, he was such an idiot!

He had blown _everything_, for such a stupid compensation-a compensation he hadn't even received!

Severus stood still and finally felt his eyes prick with tears...The loss was overwhelming.

XXX

"Petunia-"

Petunia ignored her.

"Petunia, I'm sorry for what happened, but you should have-"

_Ignore her. _Ignore_ her…_

"...James and I both suspected-"

_It's her fault, all her fault! Maybe, maybe if she hadn't come...he might have…_

_Rubbish. That bastard is unredeemable, the double-timing, pathetic little-_

"...so sorry,"

Petunia turned around to glare at her.

"Sorry?" She said loftily. "For what? For spying on us? Coming between us like that? Causing-"

"Don't blame everything on me!"

Petunia was absolutely, completely heartbroken, beyond the limits of endurance. But she was also very, very angry and humiliated. "I blame you partly, Lily! I know I was an idiot-for everything-but that doesn't mean you are any less guilty! Just stay away from me, I want to be alone,"

"I understand, but Petunia, I still need you to tell me why you-"

Petunia felt like killing her. Seeing her standing there, looking oh-so sorry and sympathetic, her eyes wide with concern, made her blood boil. The goody-two shoes Lily Evans, perfectly kind and beautiful, who all men lusted after.

Who, Severus, no, _Snape_, lusted after. Had used her for.

Had loved, and forsaken Petunia for.

Maybe, without her, he would have-he would have…

_No, he wouldn't have..._

It was she who was the thickest in the entire scenario. The one who had trusted him, pretended not to know he was simply using her, had let this progress so far.

She had no one to blame but herself.

Not even Lily, whose perfection had once again destroyed her life.

"Petunia," Lily's eyes were shining. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because I'm tired, Lily. Of everything. But you're right, I _can't_ blame you. Not…not this time,"

She blinked back fresh tears and rushed upstairs.

Lily was frantically calling after her, but she closed the door and isolated herself once more from the world. Her heart was broken beyond repair.

XXX

He traced the old tree trunk wretchedly. Here, here was the place he had sat with Lily as a child, told her everything he knew about magic.

He could almost see them now, he, with his overlarge jacket and overlong black hair, and she, with her dark red curls and light blue dress, looking at him with a look akin to reverence.

Here was where Evans had stood, as a child, embarrassed at having been caught spying on them, before resorting to taunting him.

Much taller than him at the time, she had insulted his clothes, nitpicked his weak points.

Here was where he had, in his resentment, caused the tree branch to fall on her, onto her shoulder, so that she burst into tears, Lily looking horrified and running after her.

Here was also where he had sat, reading, after the disastrous meeting with Lily, back in late June, feeling terribly alone and depressed.

The thought made his stomach churn. For _Lily_? It was honestly laughable now.

Here was where he had first seen Evans, after several years, timid and shy at the sight of him.

He had been hostile and she had retorted, but slowly, slowly their relationship had gotten better and better...and then self-destructed.

This was where he had, not very long ago, kissed her greedily, spent time with her, content in the fact that she wanted this, wanted him.

And this was also where it had all ended, once again. Bloomed and ended. With Lily. Bloomed and ended. With Petunia.

XXX

When her pillow was soaked, when she had sobbed her heart out, lamented all the times she had spent with him, all the times he had smiled at her, Petunia lay still, eyes staring up at the ceiling, her hands clenching by her sides.

She had loved him.

Really, truly, loved him.

Why?

"Do I love him now?" She asked herself quietly.

She didn't quite know. "I shouldn't," she whispered.

But since when had she ever listened to her "I shouldn't"?

Maybe, if she had, she would still be the old her, a bitter Muggle, eager to be betrothed to Dursley.

XXX

**Several Days Later...**

Weeks later, Severus lay restlessly on his mattress, his hands clenched by his sides.

He missed her.

Missed her so much it was like a ache, like he hadn't eaten for days.

He missed her laughter, her head on his chest, her lips.

Most of all, he missed her very presence. How she made him feel when she smiled, when they talked, when he forgot about schemes and plans and betrayals and simply spoke to her, got to know her.

He missed her like he missed Hogwarts sometimes, potion classes and the thick snow on the ground he and Lily used to wade through. Missed her like the innocence of his childhood when Potter and his friends were still less violent, when Black hadn't tried to kill him and the rivalry hadn't intensified into something more, something primal and loathful. Missed her like he used to miss Lily.

It had been so many days, so many days of guilt, isolation and self-loathing. So many days of bitterness.

It always came in the end, after the grief, after the anger.

Bitterness.

He rolled over. He had tried apologising, had tried to explain, but she hadn't listened, had kept overriding him.

_She's more like her sister than she thinks_, he thought for the umpteenth time.

But he knew he could never rest until he truly, _honestly_, explained. Then she could choose what she thought of him. He just needed her to be calm, and alone.

He felt like trash for using her in the way he had, starting all of this in the first place. But he had intended to end it, hadn't he? He'd eventually fallen for Evans, hadn't he?

It had definitely been a few weeks, and he was sure she would listen better now, would accept his apology. He had to go. It was decided.

Then he let out a bitter laugh. He was going in circles.

XXX

Severus took special pains to look presentable, to charm away the dark circles under his eyes and brush his hair away from his face so it was neat.

He stood listlessly on the doorstep of the Evans house, summoning up the courage to talk to her, to go through with this.

_I have to do this. I have to apologise._

Severus felt an odd wave of Deja vu as he knocked at the door of the house for the second time that year, though this time for an entirely different purpose.

_Please can she open it. Please can it not be Lily, or her parents, or-_

The door suddenly swung open. He held his breath.

But it was not Petunia. It was Lily.

She opened her mouth in astonishment, but Severus hurriedly spoke over her, "Look," he said bluntly. "I need to talk to your sister. Urgently. Just let me get it over with,"

Lily frowned. "What in Merlin's name are you-"

There was a clattering sound from inside. "Is Potter here?" Severus groaned apprehensively. What a day to pick!

"Yes," she said, eyes narrowed. "We're in the middle of something right now, Severus, and I think you should just-"

"This has nothing to do with you," he snapped. She flushed a little. Severus was usually never rude to her, but he was feeling very panicked at the moment. "I just want to talk to-"

"Well, you can't," She snapped.

"You can't ju-"

"I assure you I can," Lily said. "I'm her sister, and I'm not going to let you harm her. So just leave!"

"Lily? What's wrong?" A voice sounded from inside.

Lily turned around, looking worried. "Er, nothing James. I think you should just stay there..."

"What? Why?" He asked worriedly, as he strolled over to the door.

He suddenly stopped short when he saw who was standing outside.

"What the-" he looked taken aback. "Snape? Again?"

Severus had a feeling this wasn't going to be easy.

"What are you doing here?" Potter snarled, squaring up to him.

But Severus was not in the mood. He stepped forward threateningly and growled, "Stay out of my way, Potter. Before I-"

"I'm terrified," James flushed angrily. "And you're the one in _our_ way, Snivellus. Why do you keep showing up? I thought that was the last time I had to see your ugly mug,"

Severus bristled. "One more word and you'll wish it had been,"

"Merlin!" James looked at Lily, "Not five minutes and he's threatened me _twice_,"

"Both of you, please," Lily sighed. "I'm not in the mood for another fight,"

"I am," James smirked, and Severus resisted the urge to curse him through the wall. "But I'll resist. For you," he kissed her cheek.

Severus knew he was trying to get a rise out of him, but quite simply, the pain he had expected did not come. He did not really feel the same way for Lily anymore. His feelings had faded away, upon realizing too much had changed. She was not the same.

"Adorable," Severus sneered. "Now perhaps you could stop wasting my time and let me get this over with? I have to talk to her,"

"Lily doesn't-"

"Not Lily," Severus snapped angrily, worn out. "Her sister! I want to talk to Evans!"

"What?" James look surprised.

"Severus, she doesn't want to speak to you, and no bloody wonder after what you did," Lily said, an edge creeping into her voice. "It was pathetic and I don't think _I'll_ ever forgive you either. And I have no idea who you're fooling, I can't understand why you would want to-"

"That's my point. You don't understand," he ground out. "Please, I won't take long, just let me go inside and talk to her," he pleaded.

He could see her perhaps waver a little, though she still looked extremely confused. He understood; why would Severus Snape of all people be so desperate to 'talk it out' with Petunia Evans?

But just that moment Potter said something that made him lose all cool.

"This is just getting ridiculous. He can't even treat _you_ right, Lily, and after what you told me, he can't treat anyone else right either. He's obviously some kind of sociopath. Evans should have just listened to you and your parents and hooked up with that Dursley bloke. She wouldn't have had to go through any of this then. If there's someone you can't trust," James looked at him hatefully. "It's Snivellus,"

Severus went crimson and suddenly stepped forward and knocked the breath out of him with a harsh punch.

Potter's eyes widened as he stumbled behind. He tried to hit Severus back, balling his hands into fists, but the other man grabbed his collar with both hands and slammed him against the door.

Lily flinched, "Severus! James! Stop!"

"I'm going to kill you!" Severus declared, slamming him against the door harder. Potter's glasses were a little lopsided and he was starting to look nervous. The thought of Petunia "hooking up" with any other man had Severus reeling.

"Stop it!" Lily yelled, looking horrified.

James pushed against him hard, then punched Severus in the eye.

Lily reached for her wand desperately, just as Severus grabbed him by the hair and knocked him forcefully, before clasping his swollen eye.

Potter swore, backing away. There was a bruise blossoming on his cheek and his hair was untidier than usual.

"I'll make you regret that," Severus growled, eyes flashing dangerously. He took out his wand from his pocket.

"_Flipendo_!"

Ducking just in time, James watched as the spell hit a vase.

"Dammit, Severus!" Lily repaired it immediately. "I'm going to hex both of you into next week if this doesn't end right this instant-"

Heedless of her words, James pulled out his own wand and hexed Severus so hard he felt himself fall backwards, off the doorstep and into the front yard. The bespectacled man stepped forward and looked down at him.

"Let's duel then, Snivellus," he was trembling in rage.

"Really? Without your mates to back you up?" Severus struggled to his feet. "You know you're a goner, don't you, Potter?"

He swiped his wand, hard, and James deflected it in time, scowling. "I'm not scared of _you_,"

Lily aimed a hex at Severus, but he deflected it, then scowled, "Stay out of this,"

"This is my bloody house, Severus, and I'm not letting you two destroy it!"

"Easy for you to say! You've been making excuses for Potter for years, but you haven't had to deal with him! I should have done this while I was still in school,"

"Bugger off! You did plenty as well!" James hissed. "It's just like a Slytherin to try to get pity for himself. Well, I'll give her a reason to pity you, alright!" He brandished his wand.

"And it's just like a Gryffindor to lie through their teeth, you arrogant little-" he suddenly gasped as a painful hex hit him.

Severus sneered, though there were spots in his vision now. It didn't matter. He was determined to win this battle.

XXX

Petunia could hear crash and bangs from downstairs and it was beginning to seem like more than Potter's innate clumsiness and Lily's usual clatter.

After a particularly loud _crash_, followed by a shout, Petunia had finally had enough. What was going on down there?

After several more minutes, her nerves couldn't stand it anymore. Irritated, she stomped downstairs.

"Lily, what are y-" she suddenly went still as she saw the front door wide open, Lily's figure visible in the front yard as she stood anxiously, looking at some kind of debacle which was taking place there.

"Huh?" She hurriedly ran to the door, until she was standing in the doorway, the sun streaming outside, suddenly in the wake of a magical duel.

Two men were fighting, colourful jets flying everywhere, grunts and insults being thrown around.

She saw a mop of messy dark hair and recognised one of them as Potter...and then she saw the other man. He had long, shoulder-length black hair. He was the one farthest away from where she stood.

Petunia could recognise that tall, lanky profile anywhere.

Severus.

What was he doing here?

Petunia was absolutely dumbfounded, at a loss of what to say. Severus Snape, here, of all places? He hadn't communicated or corresponded with her for _weeks_ and she had bitterly resigned herself to the fact that the prat really _didn't_ give a damn about her. The fact had hurt so much she had wondered about the correlation between emotional and physical pain.

And so seeing him here was a surprise. She couldn't help but call out.

"What's going on over here?" She spoke over the noise.

Severus, who suddenly spotted her, immediately went white, his wand outstretched and shooting a jet of light towards Potter.

Before he could stop it, it zoomed towards Potter, who moved sideways just in time…

The last thing Petunia saw was the light fly towards her, and then nothing.


	14. Forgiven

**Author's Note: **Review ^_^.

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Fourteen**

**"Forgiven"**

* * *

Severus made an odd choking sound at the back of his throat as he watched his spell hit Petunia and her body slump to the ground.

"Petunia!" Lily immediately ran over to her fallen sister as James turned around to see what had happened, looking horrified. He turned back and glanced at Snape anxiously.

Severus, who had been standing stock-still, suddenly raced over to her, fearful, his throat feeling constricted. He knelt down beside her prone form, gasping for breath.

"Petunia…" He whispered with a thick voice, guilt consuming him in gigantic waves. Oh Merlin, what had he done?

His hands shook as he tried to reach for her hand.

Lily went red. "Move aside! This is all your fault! If you had only bloody _stopped_–"

Severus cringed, pale. "I-I know, but you need to let me help-"

"You've done enough," Lily snapped, as Potter came over anxiously. He knelt down as well, as Lily checked for a pulse.

_I've killed her. I've killed her. I'll never be able to forgive myself_. Severus thought woefully.

He felt like his world had ended. He had hurt her fatally now. He didn't deserve to live. He didn't deserve anything but eternal suffering for what he had done to her, how he had treated her.

Thick, hot tears rolled down his face. He didn't even know if she would have forgiven him, given him another chance to prove himself to her. If-if only he could see her eyes open one last time, her smile. He would do anything for that.

Several agonising moments passed by in silence as Severus tried to keep his breathing even and Lily and Potter inspected Petunia, her long blonde hair obscuring her face.

"She's fine!" Potter suddenly heaved a heavy breath. "I've found a slow pulse,"

"Quick, let's get her on a couch!" Lily raised her wand.

Severus felt his heart abruptly leap in relief. "I'll do it," he began, a levitation spell on the tip of his tongue. But Lily glared at him, stopping him in his tracks.

"Don't touch her," she scowled. She and James levitated Petunia's body and gently deposited it onto a soft threadbare couch inside the house.

Severus watched helplessly as they settled her comfortably and then started worrying aloud as to how to wake her up.

"I-I know some spells," Severus tried to speak over them again. "I could help-"

"Haven't you done enough?" Lily demanded. "Why don't you just leave us alone?"

"I know this is my fault. But please, I have to help," Severus begged. "I can't leave her like this,"

"Just let him help, Lily, _I_ certainly don't know what to do. Maybe he can be useful...besides...we need to wake her up before your parents come back and…"

"Murder us," Lily whispered.

"And she's knocked out bad," James said, his eyes filled with anxiety.

Lily looked at Severus, whose hands were shaking slightly as he fought to keep them at his sides. He looked miserable.

She sighed. "Fine. But you better not make this worse,"

XXX

Severus stayed by their side as they tended to Evans, taking his advice as to what to do. They propped up her head on a pillow and then tried to use the _renervate_ spell Severus had read about, though it didn't seem to work.

He was sitting on an uncomfortable, hard wooden chair, his face pale and tired. He had been sitting there for quite a while, making promises to himself in his head.

When she got better, he would apologise to her on bended knee. He would confess to her all the things he loved about her. He would never lie to her again.

He would do _anything_ for her.

Now all she needed to do was wake up.

"We should be grateful she's alive," Lily said in a tight voice.

"Yeah," Potter agreed soberly.

"This is your fault too, you know?" Lily scowled at him. "You shouldn't have fought Severus anymore than he shouldn't have fought you,"

"But–"

"No more excuses, James. In fact, I want the two of you to settle your differences _once and for all,_" She looked and glared at Snape as well. "Shake hands,"

"Lily!" James protested as Severus narrowed his eyes.

"I'd rather die," he shot Potter a look of pure loathing.

"If you two can't be civil, can you at least not start a fight every time you meet? Honestly, look at you!" She lightly touched the bruise that was blossoming on Potter's cheek. She turned and looked at Severus too.

"You have a black eye," She told him through pursed lips.

Severus shrugged.

"Men," she sighed. "They always resort to violence,"

"I didn't start it, Lily," Potter muttered. "And I didn't mean for your sister to get hit,"

"_I_ didn't mean to shoot the spell," Severus croaked. "This is all my fault,"

James looked weary. "If only she–"

"Don't you dare blame this on her!" Severus snarled at him, colouring. "If _you_ hadn't dodged it, this wouldn't haven't happened,"

Lily looked at Severus in surprise but didn't say anything.

Potter growled, "Have I not beat you up enough, Snape?"

Severus's eyes flashed menacingly as he opened his mouth to retort.

"No more hitting each other!" Lily snapped. "Or _you'll_ be the ones lying on the sofa, got that?"

Potter huffed and turned away while Severus calmed himself down by looking at the bruises he had inflicted on the man. Honestly, the hatred he had for Potter surprised him sometimes.

Eventually, his eyes fell upon Petunia's face, peaceful in its slumber. He thought of that Dursley bloke Potter had talked about. He thought of him proposing to Evans. He thought of her accepting. His blood boiled.

But who could blame her if she chose him over Severus? He deserved it. If he had really wanted her, he wouldn't have pined after Lily at the same time.

XXX

Lily couldn't help but watch Severus fidget in his chair, his face a rictus of worry and regret.

He had actually stayed long enough to see if Petunia was well...as if he really cared for her. Was genuinely _concerned_ for her.

She felt uneasy. It was almost like Severus really didn't hate Petunia anymore. But there was also another unsettling undertone...Petunia had seemed like she had loved him...but Lily didn't want to even think of Severus loving Petunia too. It just couldn't be.

But, to be honest, if this wasn't all an act to placate her or anything, she was rather impressed. Shocked too, but impressed.

She opened her mouth to break the stiff silence but before she could a morbid sound filled the room.

It was the doorbell.

XXX

"It's mom and dad," Lily's voice trembled. "They're back,"

Severus swallowed and looked uneasy. "I-I can't leave yet,"

"Maybe you should, they'll probably be confused…"

The doorbell sounded again.

"I have to go open it. Oh, we're in so much trouble…" Lily jumped off her chair and rushed towards the door.

James swallowed, his throat bobbing. "Mr Evans will _kill_ us,"

"Maybe he'll end your marriage with Lily," Severus mused. "A possibility?"

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Potter spat.

"No, I honestly wouldn't care," Severus said, truthfully. "But if it means you in distress, it's not a bad situation,"

"You should be worried too. You're the one who hexed her,"

Before Severus could reply, realizing he was probably right, Mr and Mrs Evans rushed into the room.

"Petunia!" Mrs Evans cried shrilly, rushing over to the sofa.

Mr Evans followed behind, looking very confused. He shot a look at Potter and then a look at Snape. His eyes narrowed at the sight of him. He opened his mouth.

"It's just Severus, Dad. The-the boy from Spinner's End, remember?" Lily said hurriedly.

Mr Evans blinked a little and then recognition dawned on his face. Mrs Evans turned to look at Severus too, evidently bewildered.

"Er," Severus stood up from his chair. "It's nice to meet you..."

Mr Evans opened his mouth but Lily's mother spoke over him, "Severus? Is that really you? We haven't seen you in years…How have you been?"

"Fine, thanks," he wasn't sure she would still be exchanging niceties with him once she found out that he had been the one to accidentally hex her daughter.

"Do you know what happened here?" She wasn't talking to him like she used to do before, cheerfully and kindly. She seemed a little more reserved now, suspicious. Like the first time she had met him. Her hand lingered on Petunia's cheek.

"I...it's a long story…" He went red.

Lily jumped in to his rescue. "Sev-Severus visited the house and he and James...talked. And well, then he accidentally…"

"She'll be fine!" Severus promised frantically. "She's just knocked out,"

Mrs Evans went faint and Mr Evans looked even crosser.

"Why are the two of you bruised?" He demanded.

Potter shot him another worried look. Severus swallowed.

"Dad, let's just forget about that for a while. Petunia's more important," Lily said quickly, her voice firm.

Mr Evans huffed. "Well, then. Are you intending to stay?" He asked Snape.

"Yes," Severus said with conviction. "Until she gets better,"

The man looked very suspicious at this, but mercifully didn't press the topic.

Lily looked relieved.

XXX

Quite a while later, when only weak small talk filled the room, Severus felt himself getting more and more restless. He was determined to stay until Petunia woke up, but all the while he was getting quite mistrustful and suspicious looks by Mr Evans.

He couldn't really blame him. Showing up after so many years, bruised and with a black eye, wasn't a very normal occurrence.

He started to stare down at the floor, feeling awkward in the midst of the worried family. He felt like an outsider.

But the feeling didn't last very long. There was suddenly a sound of joy from both Lily and Mrs Evans that had his head shooting upwards.

XXX

Petunia opened her eyes wearily, groaning. She could see several people gathered close around her. Her mum and dad, her mum's eyes red, Lily, who looked elated, and even Potter, who let out a gusty sigh of relief, standing to the side.

Groggily, she noticed somebody else as well, hastily getting up from a chair, moving over to the couch...

Petunia went red. It was Severus, his black eyes filled with relief. He looked like he was holding back the urge to hug her.

"I...what happened?" She shifted and tried to sit up.

Mrs Evans reached forward and hugged her hard. "You're alright!"

"How long was I out..?"

"Two hours. Maybe more," Lily said. "It seemed like an eternity, though,"

"What hap…" Petunia trailed off when she saw James and Severus signalling her with their eyes desperately.

Petunia could only remember herself walking over to the open door, and asking why there was a duel going on in the front yard. And then a beam had shot towards her before…

_I can't believe I got hexed!_

"Yes, love, do you remember anything?" Mr Evans asked gently.

"Not really…" Petunia mumbled, flushing.

She still had no why Severus was here, hanging around, as if he was actually concerned for her health.

_Even if he is, what does it mean? Nothing._

"Lily took care of you the entire time," Mr Evans continued, as Mrs Evans rushed to the kitchen to get her something to eat. It was evident that he wanted this to be the turning point in their bitter relationship. "And...well, Potter and Snape were here too."

Severus smiled slightly at her but she looked away, feeling incensed. How dare he? How dare he come back here?

Mrs Evans came back with some biscuits for everyone and then the two parents said that they needed to discuss something in private, before leaving for the kitchen.

"Can somebody please explain?" Petunia finally said into the silence after they had left.

"Snape cursed you," Potter said immediately.

"It was an _accident_," Severus snapped. "I meant to hit _you_,"

"Can you believe they got into _another_ fight?" Lily tutted. "You should have seen them, Tuney! See, they're even bruised,"

Petunia tried to say something but she was too dumbfounded to speak.

"I had the upper hand, of course," Potter said, reaching for the biscuits. "When he found himself losing in the physical round, he started fighting using his wand instead. No significant results,"

"If that helps you sleep at night, Potter," Snape said through gritted teeth. Then he looked straight at Petunia. "I'm just glad you're alright,"

Once again, Petunia didn't say anything. She looked down at her hands, feeling a little dizzy. She couldn't understand what was happening at all. She couldn't understand why Snape was here, acting so..._nice_.

The four of them made a little more small talk until Severus finally admitted that he had to leave.

"It's getting late. I...I should get going," he stood up, smoothing down his jacket. Petunia felt a wave of disappointment but forced it back down.

"Don't come back," Potter said.

"Take care," Lily intoned in a flat voice.

"Right," Severus said. He glanced at Petunia, biting his lower lip, and then looked away. Lily shut the door behind him after he left.

A few minutes later, the Evans came out of their kitchen.

"Is Severus gone?" Mrs Evans asked, looking around.

"Yes," Lily replied, taking a deep breath. She felt tired out. Potter walked over to her and took hold of her hand comfortingly.

"He's grown up, hasn't he? Last time I saw him he was a little squirt," Mr Evans mused.

"Yes, I could barely believe it. Did you know him back at school, James?" Mrs Evans asked him curiously.

James grinned, "Let's just say we weren't very close,"

As they talked, Lily turned around to sneak a look at Petunia. She was still staring at her hands.

XXX

Petunia lay awake in bed that night, scanning a book without really paying attention. She was still thinking about earlier, about how Snape had smiled at her faintly.

_"I'm just glad you're alright,"_

What was going on? Why had he been at her house in the first place? It didn't make any sense.

She spent several more minutes pondering this when there was suddenly a knock on her door. Lily popped her head inside before she could answer.

"You awake?" She asked.

"Hmm," Petunia put her book down. "What's wrong?"

"I...wanted to talk to you about earlier…"

"Yeah?" Petunia asked. "What about it?"

"Well, you've been rather quiet,"

"It was a shock, I guess," She shrugged.

"Getting hit by the hex?"

"Yes...and Snape coming by too,"

"Right...about that…" Lily walked inside the room and sat down on her bed. Petunia sat up and looked at her questioningly, hugging a pillow to her chest.

"You know...Severus was rather worried today. Like, _really_ worried. I honestly couldn't believe it. It was...so absurd, Petunia, the way he stayed so long just to see if you were alright. I didn't know what to make of it,"

"Maybe he was trying to get in your good books," Petunia muttered, though she felt her cheeks pinken.

"Or maybe...he was trying to get into yours. He had come to talk to you, actually,"

Petunia suddenly felt more alert. "He had?"

"Yeah. He was pretty determined, kept asking me to let him inside so he could meet you. I didn't really let him do that…"

"You-"

"I know, it was pretty stupid of me. Maybe I should have, because then _James_ intervened and they had a huge fight. _You_ know how much they hate each other,"

Petunia did. Severus had told her.

"So Severus knocks him against the door, and then James hits Severus in the eye–that's why it's bruised, by the way–and then they take out their wands. I kept trying to get them to stop. But they went on and on, and then one of Severus's spells hit you. I was honestly ready to murder him by then but then I saw how...well, guilty he looked,"

"Guilty?"

"Close to tears. He looked like he was ready to go kill himself...and I don't really approve of him much, but I think you deserve to know that."

"Was he that worried?" Petunia looked astonished.

"Yes. Rivalling _my_ worry, to be honest,"

Petunia swallowed. She had no idea what to do with all this new information. She was at a loss of words. Lily had made her feel warm inside...she couldn't help but smile a little. Severus really did care for her a little, then.

It still didn't mean anything.

Suddenly she realised that Lily was looking at her intently, waiting for an answer. She suddenly felt a little guilty.

"Um, Lily...I guess I should thank you for taking care of me," Petunia mumbled finally. "I owe you,"

Lily beamed brightly and reached forward to hug her.

XXX

The next day, the doorbell sounded at exactly 3 o'clock.

Petunia closed the tap of the sink and wiped her hands off with the kitchen towel.

When she opened the door, she was a little surprised to see Severus standing out there, looking briefly relieved.

"Hey," he said shyly, his voice tinged with hope. "Can we talk?"

Petunia felt her heart flutter familiarly. But she frowned and muttered, "What do you want?"

"To give you an explanation. It's the least I can do after...you know,"

He looked earnest and so Petunia eased her frown just a little.

"Well, I'm listening," she said coldly. She wasn't sure what exactly he would say to defend his actions but she was more than willing to hear it.

Severus took a deep, cleaning breath and began, "Well firstly I'm sorry for hexing you. It was a mistake, I promise...I meant to hit Potter…"

"I know," she said. "It doesn't matter,"

He went faintly pink, "And, well, I'm sorry for everything else too. I was a prat, I know that. And I'll never forgive myself for hurting you. I haven't been very honest, I acknowledge that...but I'll be honest with you right now. This is the truth: I wanted to use you. I wanted to use your connection to Lily. I didn't care for you the way you cared for me and I was selfish and desperate for your sister. And if befriending you was what it took to get to her, I was willing. I'm not proud of it. I know it was pathetic. But, then, my plan kind of backfired on me. Because slowly...along the road...I...I sort of started to fall for you too….."

Petunia went red, not daring to speak.

Severus smiled ruefully. "Yes. I know. It's pathetic. I'm not exactly sure when, but I started to feel awfully guilty about using you like that and...every time we met, it was like my resistance broke just a little more each time. And...after Lily rejected me, as stupid as this sounds, I fell out of love with her...just like that. Like...I never loved her at all. And I think it was because of how I was starting to feel towards you," he took a deep, shuddering breath. "You don't have to forgive me. You don't have to talk to me. You don't even have to look at me again. But all I want to tell you is that I am sorry. I'm so sorry, Petunia. I made a horrible mistake. I should have been more honest with you earlier. And I have been regretting it ever since…"

"I...How do I know you're serious about this?" Petunia asked faintly, absolutely overwhelmed by what he was saying.

"I'll prove it you," he pleaded. "In whatever way you want,"

Petunia bit her lip. She shook her head.

"How do-how do I _know_, Severus? That you aren't using me, that you actually _mean_ it when you say that you care for me? How do I know that every time we meet, you aren't thinking of Lily?" Her tone rose a little, her face flushing vehemently.

"I'll prove it," his voice started to crack. Petunia couldn't help but see the sincerity in his widened eyes. She may have been heartbroken after the entire fiasco, but the love she had held for him had never quite faded away...

Severus's hands were clenched by his sides, his jaw set. He looked...miserable. Petunia remembered how he had stayed so long just to see if she was alright. She remembered how Lily had described his worry.

"Do you really care for me?" Petunia suddenly whispered, subdued, feeling rather brittle and fragile.

Severus inhaled sharply. She stared at the floor determinedly, her cheeks red. This was his chance. If he messed this up, then it was over for the both of them. She would never see him again. She would end this chapter of her life.

Several moments ticked by as Petunia began to feel, with an aching heart, that it was time for her to close the door and simply leave. Her heart felt like it had been stabbed with a dagger. But then–

"Yes," Severus croaked finally, looking rather pale. Her head shot up in surprise. "Yes. I...These past few weeks...I can't imagine my life without you, Evans,"

"Petunia," she nearly laughed with relief, tears suddenly filling her eyes. She couldn't believe it. She couldn't.

"Petunia," he corrected himself.

Petunia let out a huge sob and hugged him tightly, arms slung around his neck. She buried her head in his chest, trying not to weep like she desperately wanted to. A few moments later, his arms snaked around her shaking form, and he held her, something he had never done before.

"I'm sorry," he whispered from above.

"I forgive you," she mumbled into his chest, feeling overwhelmed by his scent. Right this moment, with his arms around her and the enormity of the moment, Petunia knew with all her heart, that she didn't want Vernon at all. Or anybody else for that matter. The only one she had ever wanted was Severus.

XXX

"...Severus?" Petunia looked up from the embrace, something peculiar in her light eyes.

"What?" He asked, his cheeks a little pink. He couldn't believe they had literally _hugged_. That too on the Evans's doorstep, out in the open.

"Can we...go somewhere? Private?"

Electricity shot through him at the simple request, though he didn't know why. "The pla-"

"No, not there," Petunia muttered. "Let's...let's go to your place,"

Severus suddenly froze. "My place?"

"Yes," Petunia said, now looking restless. "Please? We can't stay here, or my parents will find out,"

"Why not the Playground?"

"I can't go there. Not yet. Not after…"

Severus nodded, feeling a little guilty once more, "Alright. Alright but...Petunia, you know I don't live with my parents anymore. I live in a...kind of shack. Temporarily,"

She laughed softly, the voice endearing, "Severus, I don't mind. I don't mind what it looks like. I don't mind anything. I just want to be with you,"

Severus couldn't help it. He couldn't say no to her. Not when she spoke like that. Even though he knew that the results could be disastrous. She would be utterly disgusted by where he lived, the cracks in the walls, the rotting floorboards. Perhaps even consider breaking it off with him because of it. He understood why Lily desired Potter; he was rich, he had been athletic and popular back at Hogwarts. But what was Severus? Nothing. How could he ever compete with Potter's charms?

Nevertheless, he led her all the way to Spinner's end, though the trepidation weighed on him. They walked together holding hands, her palm soft and warm as she sidled up to him.

It was shocking to have her back by his side, to have her small, gentle hands clasped in his, to have her smile at him again.

He was honestly feeling things he had never thought he could feel, never thought he wanted to feel. It was hard to believe this was...love. For another. It should have been embarrassing, but it was so gratifying at the same time.

They finally reached the shed, which suddenly looked even worse to Severus in the pale sunlight. But if Petunia was horrified, she didn't say a word.

She walked up to it and traced the wall. "Here?"

"Temporarily," he felt himself saying in a reassuring manner.

Petunia turned around and smiled at him, though, he noticed, it was much more subdued than normal. His heart ached. It was _he_ who had dimmed her smile. Why she had forgiven his actions was beyond him.

"Won't you take me inside?"

He swallowed and walked forward. Slowly, he opened the creaky door. Inside, there was darkness. He opened the switch on the left, and a light shone down on the room. He had installed the light using magic a few months ago.

"Oh, it's bigger from inside!"

"Extension spells," Severus laughed a little.

Petunia looked thoughtful for a second before suddenly crying out in surprise, "Oh; did you magic this up as well?" She rushed over to the charmed counter-top. A bag of coffee body sat near an empty cup and saucer.

Severus smiled a little. It felt good when someone appreciated your magic, even if it wasn't such a big deal.

"And this is the living room," He said jokingly, leading her to a place where he had stacked up his books and potion vials, and where he had conjured a few seating arrangements.

And finally, he led her to the furthest part of the shed, where a simple mattress lay on the floor, albeit decorated with elaborate and cosy comforters and pillows. It was obvious he had tried to make it more comfortable.

Petunia stared at it. "Couldn't you...change it into a bed?"

"Never got round to doing it," Severus admitted, "It's a little tricky. Conjuring up is a lot more difficult than transfiguration,"

He took out his wand and concentrated. After a few moments, he managed to magic up a small wooden bed. He levitated the mattress onto it.

"See? It looks much better," She walked forwards and traced the smooth wood.

Severus watched as Petunia then sat down on the mattress, swinging her legs. "Now what?"

Severus smirked, "Well, you're the one who wanted to come here. What do you want to do?"

Petunia went red, swallowing. "I…"

Severus looked at her questioningly.

She didn't say anything but looked down at the floor, her blush spreading out across her face.

Severus made his way over to the bed and cupped her face in his hands. "You look pretty attractive when you blush, you know?"

Petunia blinked and looked up at him, startled.

Severus bent his head and caught her lips softly, relishing her gasp of surprise. It was no use holding back anymore, he had never been able to resist her.

"Severus…" Petunia broke away, her face now radiating heat.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I… It's just been so long since…"

He felt a sharp twinge of guilt but didn't say anything. He didn't know how to make it up to her in words.

In the end he didn't have to say anything. Because Petunia stood up and all of a sudden, flung her arms around his neck.

"I've missed you." She whispered into his shoulder.

_I've missed you too_…but Severus couldn't bring himself to say it out loud. So all he did was snake a hand around her waist and thank the Heavens that she had forgiven him.


	15. Tenderness

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the reviews everyone! Enjoy.

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Fifteen**

**"Tenderness"**

* * *

Eventually, they ended up on the bed, Severus kissing her deeply.

He had barely touched her before their fight, but now his hands were tangled in her long hair, pulling, as she gripped large fistfuls of the back of his jacket for balance.

Petunia worried that somebody would, eventually, find out that she had disappeared from the house, but she couldn't bring herself to care. They hadn't been together in so long. She had missed this so bloody much. She had missed Severus's dark, herbal scent and the way his eyes glittered just before he bent down to kiss her.

Suddenly, Severus drew away, pushed her back against the headboard and placed his hands on her waist, his gaze lustful and ardent.

Petunia felt vaguely proud of the fact that it was _her_ that had Severus looking so amorous, so full of desire.

He seemed a little breathless. "I still think you're a fool for wanting me back,"

"Severus," she chided.

"You can do better," his hands gripped her waist even tighter. She felt her stomach swoop pleasantly.

"I don't know...so could you,"

He laughed bitterly. "Me? I've got the luckiest break out of all of this, you know? I don't deserve this, not a single moment I've spent with you...I don't know why you've forgiven me,"

She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, feeling his prickly bristle. "I forgave you because I love you, Severus,"

He sucked in a sharp breath and leaned forward to kiss her lips once more. His hand lowered to her hipbone and then slipped slightly under her blouse.

Shockwaves spread through Petunia's entire body at the simple, fleeting touch.

Slowly, the hands travelled upward, gently holding her bare waist and stroking.

She gasped behind his lips. Severus's long dark hair was tickling her face as he parted his lips just slightly from her's, hands now stroking her ribcage.

"I really can't, Petunia," he confessed brokenly, not looking at her.

"Can't what, Severus?" She asked breathlessly, a tinge of anxiousness in her voice.

"Think of my life without you," he whispered. "What I'd end up as if I didn't have you here right now…"

XXX

"WHAT?"

"I know you mean well, Lily, but there's nothing you can do about it," Petunia said irritatedly.

"_You accepted his apology?_ Petunia, are you _thick_?"

"He meant it,"

"He always does, but that doesn't matter,"

Petunia let out an exasperated sigh. "I didn't tell you this so that we could argue about this again. I just want you to know that we're going out. Like you and Potter. I'm sick of hiding it, and I don't want you to pull another "I caught you" on me."

"B-but…you and Snape…"

"We've grown up, Lily,"

Lily sat down on her bed heavily. Petunia remained standing rigidly by her dresser, which had stacks of books on it as well as a photo frame containing her and Potter.

"This...it's just so shocking…"

"I know," Petunia admitted. "I didn't' think he'd...return the feelings, you know?"

"What about mum and dad? Do they know?"

"Oh, I'll tell them...soon," Petunia said uncertainly.

"I don't approve of this at all," Lily said firmly, looking at Petunia sternly. "Not one bit. But can you at least do one thing for me? Promise me that you'll tell me if he hurts you, alright?"

Petunia sighed. She swallowed down her retort and replied wryly, "Okay, I promise,"

XXX

And so Petunia, though still not fully certain of her new relationship, began to feel much, much better about her life.

Severus was amazing. Whenever they could, they met up, his small, shy smiles at the sight of her soon becoming her most favourite thing in the world.

He took her on long walks where sometimes they talked and sometimes they let comfortable silences reign instead. And he took her to his place, where they had all the 'privacy' they needed. And it just felt...good. Good to be young, and in love, and to have a boyfriend who actually wanted you, actually wanted to be with you.

And maybe, in the past, if somebody had told her that the little boy from Spinner's End would end up stealing her heart, she would have laughed. But she had that same boy next to her, looking at her as if he couldn't believe his luck, and she wouldn't have changed her fate for the world.

Eventually, she even decided to tell Vernon Dursley a full, unreserved no from her part, albeit kindly, which confused her parents to no end.

"But he was such a lovely young man, Petunia! And he wanted to marry you," her mother had cried, looking very grieved.

"I'm sorry mum, but...I just wasn't interested enough, I guess,"

Because there was only one man she could possibly be interested in at this point.

XXX

**October, 1978**

He woke up to his NEWT results.

Severus rubbed his eyes and reached clumsily for the tied up scroll when the owl arrived that morning. The Hogwarts emblem looked rather intimidating in the dim room.

He considered making something to eat first but he felt a little sick with nerves.

_Better get this over with…_

Severus took a deep, deep breath and then unwound the scroll...

Several minutes later, Severus rolled up the scroll and took a deep breath. He hadn't gotten any failing grades and had gotten mostly Os and Es. He felt blissfully happy and fell back onto his pillow, relieved.

He thought of going over and telling Petunia the good news but then wondered if she would understand.

_She'll understand that I got a good result, though…_

He eventually decided to get ready, and, without breakfast, left for the Evans' house.

He had barely walked up the front path when the front door swung open and Lily rushed out.

"How was your result?" She asked excitedly.

"It was better than I expected. Yours?"

"Pretty great! How many Outstandings did you get?"

Severus was about to reply when he noticed somebody else walking into the yard as well, her smile making his stomach swoop pleasantly.

"Severus? What're you doing here?"

"I got my result," he suddenly felt rather shy and wondered why he had come here in the first place. Why would she care?

"How was it?"

"Of _course_ it was probably brilliant," Lily rolled her eyes. "Severus was a bookworm in school. The type who spent all day studying,"

"I wasn't," He protested weakly, wondering if this would turn off Petunia. But her smile grew even further and he felt himself looking away, flushing.

"Want to swap?" Lily asked, handing him her result. She was being unusually friendly, and it was welcoming for a change.

Severus handed her his scroll and then took her's.

XXX

"She knows about us...I told her," Petunia admitted later, when they were alone.

They were walking through the neighbourhood, no clear direction in mind.

"How did she react?"

"She didn't approve, of course. But she relented in the end. All in all, I'm relieved,"

He smiled at her a little. "The secrecy not suiting you?"

"It was fun in the start," her cheeks bloomed with colour. "But now it's just troublesome. I can't even smile at you without worrying somebody is going to go off their rocker,"

He smirked a little, "And what about your parents?"

"Um...well, I was thinking _you_ could handle that,"

"Wait, what?" he went pale. "Petunia, I don't t–"

"Don't worry; I'll be the one confessing and all, but you've still got to meet them and stuff. My parents are like that,"

Severus shut his eyes in horror. "Could you prolong telling them, then?"

She laughed and bumped his arm. "For as long as I can,"

When they eventually grew a little tired, Petunia sat down on one of the nearby benches, surrounded by colourful flower bushes and manicured hedges.

When he sat down next to her, her eyes were drawn to his, which were very dark, eyes one could drown in.

She must have been flushing a little because he raised an eyebrow, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Everything's alright," she said softly, realizing just how true those words were, how nice it felt to say them.

His hand reached for her's, squeezing slightly. "I like you happy,"

"That's a good thing," she said teasingly.

He angled his head a little and kissed her lips briefly. "Want to go to my place?"

Something pleasant swooped down below in her belly.

"Alright,"

XXX

The weather was beautiful. The greenery had been replaced by leaves of scarlet and gold, their feet crunching on them as they went their way.

When they were inside, Petunia suddenly spoke aloud what she had been thinking ever since she had first come to the 'shed', "This place could be a lot better if you were only a bit more imaginative, Severus,"

"Imaginative?" He looked puzzled.

"Yes," she said, turning about and looking at the "living room", which was poorly furnished. "For example, you could conjure up a couple of sofas here," she paused. "And...you could use some more extension spells and make the kitchen wider,"

Severus apprehensively followed her instructions and conjured up a threadbare sofa out of thin air, before bemusedly adding the extension spells.

"And you know what would be cool? If you just separated all of the rooms with walls and doors, you know?"

He felt compelled to do what she said and so Severus twitched his wand, and after trying to envision what she had meant, conjured some intersecting walls. He was surprised to see that the shack was looking more like a normal, everyday house, even if it was still rather small and suffocating.

Her suggestions soon ended up with the kitchen getting a table with two chairs and two wooden cabinets installed on the wall. There wasn't much to put _in_ them, but Petunia decided that they would think about what to fill it up with later.

He then conjured up a proper shelf for all his books and potion vials and eventually, the shack looked more homely than it had ever looked in the past few months.

"And we could paint this place too, you know?" Petunia mused.

"No need. I could just-" he flicked his wand and a thick coat of white paint covered one of the wooden walls.

Petunia's eyes once again widened with wonder, like they had every time he had cast a spell or magicked anything up. But this time she seemed almost...envious.

He was startled.

Before he could say anything, Petunia suddenly mumbled, "Must be nice, huh? Having a wand to do whatever you ever wanted…" She trailed off bitterly, then caught herself and looked embarrassed.

Severus was quiet. After a few moments of the bitter silence, he placed a hand on her shoulder so she winced slightly and looked up at him.

"How about from today, whatever you want, _I'll_ do it for you?" He said softly. "You won't even need your own wand. You can just ask me to do whatever it is you need and I'll use my wand and do it. It'll be almost as if it's yours…" He added a little wryly.

Her eyes suddenly pooled with tears and he wondered if he had said anything wrong. But instead she smiled widely and said, "Thanks, I... It's okay. You don't need to do that. I was just acting stupid…"

"Im serious, Petunia...You only have to ask," Severus said earnestly, "I'd do that for you,"

Petunia looked at a loss of words and suddenly reached up and kissed him, unable to express her gratitude.

"I love you," she whispered thickly.

Severus gently took hold of her hand and lead her to one of the sofas in the living room.

XXX

Several minutes later, they were still snogging on the sofa, Petunia seated on his lap, Severus's hands slipped under her shirt, the outside world forgotten.

It was only when a clock chimed on the wall did Petunia note the time.

"Severus…" She drew away, her cheeks flushed. "I have to go…"

"Why?" He groaned, trying to pull her back.

"It's been quite a while. My parents will be worried. I'll be back tomorrow, I promise," She tried to climb off his lap even as his hands pulled her back insistently.

Eventually, Severus got up and started to help her right her clothes.

"You'll get back okay?" He asked, once she had stepped out the door. She was still smoothing down her hair.

"'Course I will," Petunia reassured him, pecking him on the cheek.

"Okay, well, see you…" He trailed off when she suddenly came forwards and hugged him close.

"I really do love you, Severus," she sniffled.

Severus's arms wrapped around her, making her wish she never had to leave. She had just burrowed her head in his hard chest, when Severus suddenly kissed the top of her head, an unusually protective gesture. It made her feel safe but also...worried. She wasn't sure why.

But when she finally began to leave and looked back at his figure at the door of the shed, he looked as calm as always, his smile blinding.

XXX

Severus returned home from his latest Death Eater mission, feeling wretched.

They had gone raiding, him and a couple of other Death Eaters, many of whom he had known personally in school. Everything had been rather thrilling, the planning, the suspense, the feeling of victory…

But that didn't mean it hadn't felt horribly wrong. It was a Death Eater job, after all, and he was sure that they would get worse later on. There had certainly been the pleasure of being in control, of defying the people who had tormented him back at school, even the surge of power that came through using Dark Magic.

But then Severus thought of what Petunia would say, of what even Lily's reaction would be.

And he didn't even want to think about the future problems being a Death Eater would entail with his relationship with Petunia and so he made himself a cup of tea and tried to ignore the worrying thoughts plaguing his mind.

He wished he had a bottle of alcohol instead, something to drown out these thoughts altogether. He drew in a sharp breath. Alcohol solved nothing; and to be honest, it reminded him of his father. Severus often found himself growing up to be just like him, if his awful temper and insatiable thirst for drinking his worries away were anything to go by.

It was odd how much one changed. Ten years earlier, he was a child wandering the streets, trying to escape his home, and now he was eighteen years old, on his own, wishing he hadn't ended up this way.

Severus took a deep, shuddering breath. The Dark Lord had called for him tomorrow morning…

XXX

"I am impressed,"

Severus kept quiet, not daring to speak.

"Your talent is exactly what we need in our group, Severus. Our cause cannot succeed without followers, and with followers like you...we will go very far,"

"I…"

"Yes?" The Dark Lord cocked an eyebrow.

"I am glad to have been found suitable," Severus said softly.

The Dark Lord smirked, "Yes, very useful. You have proven yourself, Severus. There is only one step left...are you ready?"

Severus shut his eyes.

_Glory. Think of all the glory._

_She'll understand. She'll see how much I need this. How much I need this to survive in a world run by Gryffindors, a world run by Potter and his friends._

_She'll…understand._

"I'm ready," he said, his voice steady.

XXX

Petunia had been very worried when Severus had turned down her invitation of them meeting, on account of him being "unwell", but now she tried to talk sense into herself.

"He has a life. He can't always be putting up with me," she told herself sternly as she sat down on her bed, sighing.

_Besides_, she thought. _Maybe he _is_ unwell. I should be more considerate. I shouldn't always be thinking about myself…_

…_Still, though...I'm leaving for Scotland soon. I just want to spend as much time with him as possible…_

_I won't be seeing him for a few _months.

Petunia had been neutral when her father had announced the holiday he had planned for the family, where they would go to Scotland to visit her cousins.

But then Petunia had worried about not seeing Severus for so long and had sulked a little.

Lily had eventually guessed what she was thinking about and remarked, matter of factly, that perhaps this was a good thing.

"And no, not only because of that," she said quickly when Petunia started to look cross. "Haven't you ever heard the phrase? The more you stay away, the more men come after you. And if the two of you are always meeting up you'll eventually tire of each other,"

That hadn't seemed very illogical and so Petunia had dropped the subject for the moment.

But that still didn't mean she was _thrilled_ with the plan. She wondered what Severus's reaction would be if she told him about it.

XXX

His left forearm still hurt and he had honestly tried every spell he could think of. It was almost like the Dark Lord had stopped any spells numbing the pain _deliberately_.

His eyes were drawn again and again to the mark on his arm, intimidating and unfamiliar. He hadn't made a sound when it had been burned in, but he couldn't help but wince every time he tried to feel it now.

It had been a few days and he had been avoiding Petunia, but he knew that she would get more and more suspicious the longer this played out.

Wondering if he ought to go and see her in case she was worrying, Severus buttoned up his sleeves to the wrists. He wasn't willing for her to see anything just yet, or even _ever_ if he had his way.

XXX

The second she saw him, smiling unreservedly, all thoughts of telling him any news flew out of her head.

"Feeling better?"

"Lot's," he chuckled a little nervously, as they settled down into the soft grass of the place Severus had taken her to when they had first met after a long time, after she had poured out her heart to him. "So...what's new?"

"You won't believe what happened this morning,"

"Mmm?" Severus leaned back against a tree.

"Well...Vernon telephoned,"

He suddenly started, leaning away. She watched as his expression turned stony, eyes blazing with fury.

"What did he want?" His voice was steely.

"He wanted to talk it out. He says he isn't sure why I rejected him when things were going so well. He wants-"

"Do you want me to deal with him?" Severus growled, "Because I can and I will,"

"Severus, calm down. It's not his fault. I should've told him. I know you're angry, but I just wanted to tell you s-"

"Of course I'm angry, you're-" he suddenly went red and stopped short.

"I'm?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Well, you're not his fiancée anymore," he muttered. "Or whatever. He better respect that,"

"You're jealous, aren't you?" Petunia teased, smirking. "You're all red, Severus,"

"Ha! Jealous?" He snorted. "Don't be ridiculous,"

"I'm not leaving you, Severus. I wouldn't dream of it," she said, blinking at him innocently.

He went scarlet and looked away.

"Hey, don't get upset with me,"

"I'm not upset," he said, turning around and glaring at her. "But I'm serious...if you want me to deal with him, you only have to ask,"

"Awfully sorry about this, but I don't trust _you_ to 'talk it out' with him," she laughed, "You don't have a very good record. The two of you will end up in a fist fight for sure,"

Severus smirked, "I'd win,"

"Stop acting so macho, it doesn't suit you,"

He suddenly looked at her intently, his eyes glittering. "I would, you know, for you," he said in a low voice.

"What? Fight him? For _me_?"" She asked, surprised.

"'Course I would,"

Petunia looked down at her hands, blushing and fighting off a smile. She didn't doubt it for a second.

XXX

Petunia was once again reminded of how tall Severus was when she had to reach up on tiptoes to kiss him goodbye.

Back when they were children, he had seemed very small, but now he towered over her and it was sometimes a little difficult to kiss him when she wanted to.

"You don't have to go," Severus's voice was a little petulant as he kissed the corners of her mouth. "You can stay here,"

"I can't," she said, even as his fingers opened one of the buttons of her blouse. "I'll get in trouble,"

He looked disappointed and his hands left her shirt. Petunia instinctively reached for his arm but he suddenly winced.

"Severus?" She was taken aback.

He pulled his arm away and yanked the already overly-tugged sleeve up to his wrist.

"What's wrong?" She asked worriedly.

"Nothing," he said hastily, "Er...I'll walk you back home,"

"What's wrong with your arm?" Petunia asked insistently.

"Nothing, I said," his voice was firm but his eyes betrayed his nervousness.

Petunia was determined to get to the bottom of it and while they walked back together, she noticed him keeping his left arm stiff by his side, fists clenched.

_Maybe he got hurt...but why is he hiding it? _She wondered.

When they eventually reached her place he bent his head and kissed her hard enough to see stars.

"I'm fine, Petunia, don't look so worried," he said huskily, pushing back a strand of blonde hair from her face.

She forgot about it a little just then, even though she knew he was trying to distract her from the thought.

XXX

Several days thereafter the mystery remained unsolved, as Severus always kept his arm away, always made sure his sleeve was pulled to his wrists.

It was odd and very mysterious.

He did his best to distract her from it. Sometimes he silenced her questions with a kiss, or a simple fleeting touch. It didn't take long for her to melt completely under his touch, be it the most simple.

But she was tired of his evasions and wanted to get to the bottom of it. He wouldn't even hold her hand anymore if she was at this left side, and he seemed so bloody _nervous_ all the time.

But one day she finally found out, albeit by accident.

They had been at his place, and they had been sitting on the bed, sometimes kissing, sometimes talking.

Eventually, they grew tired and Petunia suggested taking a nap.

"'M not sleepy," Severus had muttered but she had kissed his lips softly and coerced him into having a lie-in with her.

He had long since shrugged off his jacket and was wearing a long-sleeved black T-shirt.

Eventually, he had ended up asleep and she had curled up around him, feeling very drowsy as well.

Suddenly she had noticed his arm, lying limp on the mattress. She didn't know if it was a trick of the light but she saw the top of a marking of some kind, mostly obscured, but standing out on his pale arm.

At first she hesitated. She was supposed to trust Severus, to not invade his privacy.

But…but he was supposed to trust her too.

Her hand reached out of its own accord and slowly tugged the sleeve further down. Petunia suddenly flinched, her heart in her throat.

There, on his left forearm, was a strange impression that she couldn't make head or tail of. It looked rather intimidating. She felt her heart beat rapidly. She felt worried again, though she still had no clear reason why.

She suddenly felt him shift and she hurriedly tugged the sleeve back up and lay back next to him.

She felt absolutely terrible for snooping, feeling like she had seen something she wasn't supposed to. But what in the world could it have been?

Severus's arm wrapped around her in his sleep and he buried his head in her hair.

Feeling warmed by the gesture, Petunia tried hard to forget all about it and closed her eyes, cuddled up to him and feeling rather perturbed.


	16. Beginning Of Winter

**Author's Note: **Since I've posted many long chapters, some nearly 6000 words, here is a quick update with a short one. Don't worry, the next chapter will be of a more decent length. I really hope you guys are enjoying my story and I appreciate all the comments.

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Sixteen**

**"Beginning of Winter"**

* * *

Severus shifted awake, rubbing his eyes with one hand. He could feel a warm presence besides him and noticed Petunia, who was still snoring softly. He flushed crimson when he realised that they had actually fallen asleep together in his bed…

Petunia seemed to be fast asleep, her blonde hair sprawled on the bed. Her long legs were still tangled with his.

He gently peeled himself away from her, wondering what time it was. He didn't want her to get into trouble because of him.

"Petunia…" He gently shook her shoulder. "Wake up,"

She stirred a little, mumbling in her sleep.

"It's late," he insisted.

Eventually she struggled to sit up, looking groggy. "Sev'rus?" She looked around. "What…-"

"We've overslept. You're going to be in trouble if you don't head back soon,"

"They won't mind…" She yawned, combing back her dishevelled hair. "I didn't mention any specific time…" She suddenly paused and looked at him, turning red.

"What?"

"It's just that...er...we actually just...you know..." She looked down at the mattress.

"What? Fell asleep together?" He suddenly went red as well, looking away.

"Yeah...It was nice,"

"It was also reckless,"

Petunia smirked and shifted to the corner of the bed, jumping off. "Let's go to the kitchen, I'll make you some coffee,"

Severus shook his head in disbelief and followed her.

XXX

Halfway through her mixing, Petunia suddenly grew solemn.

"...I've been meaning to ask you something,"

"What's wrong?" Severus felt a little anxious.

He watched her take a deep breath, and close her eyes for a moment. Then she sunmoned up the courage and asked him, "Severus...are you hiding something from me?"

"What do you mean?" He asked, startled.

"I mean, is there anything that you're hiding from me? Anything at all?"

"No. Why would I?"

She looked sceptical. "Then what was that on your arm?" She asked.

There was suddenly a silence, Severus's face paling. This couldn't be happening, it couldn't be. "W-what?"

"Severus I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to look. But...What was that?" She looked frightened and apprehensive.

He felt his hands go numb, "I...it…" He could barely form any words.

There was no way he could tell her. He had to make something up, and quick.

Petunia stared at him, an eyebrow arched. Severus swallowed, throat bobbing, and then found his voice.

"It's a tattoo," he blurted.

There was a short silence. Severus went red and wondered if he had worsened his predicament.

"A..._tattoo_?" Petunia asked in disbelief.

"Er...yes. What else could it be?"

"But…" She looked very confused. "I didn't think you were the type,"

"I thought it was cool and had it drawn on. Big deal," He said aloofly.

"Then why were you hiding it?"

"It...it was supposed to be a surprise," he honestly couldn't stand lying any longer, especially to her, someone he had promised himself he would start to be more honest with.

"Oh," she still looked disbelieving but Severus knew she had no counter-argument, much to his relief.

"Is the coffee done?" He asked, trying to change the subject.

Her hand resumed stirring but this time with less vigour, her teeth worrying her bottom lip.

XXX

Petunia trusted Severus, of course she did. She knew he wouldn't be lying to her, even if she was slightly displeased that he had gotten a tattoo. Why had he gone and done _that_?

But she couldn't shake off the feeling that something just wasn't quite _right_. First it had been when he had kissed her head, almost like he was trying to protect her from something.

And now it was this. She wasn't getting very good vibes from the situation.

She hadn't said a word but she had noticed a new set of dark robes in his closet, a dark, ominous mask stashed under his boots, and even a paper filled with random names lying on the floor, left forgotten.

_Don't be ridiculous. Severus is always with you. He isn't doing anything. He isn't like that._

For how could someone who smiled like that, a smile that seemed to light up the room, be evil? How could someone who spoke to her in such a low, soft voice have a cold and hard heart? How could someone who had saved her life be a _Death Eater?_

It was only at night that they didn't meet, when she was held back by her curfew. Petunia couldn't imagine him kissing her goodbye, and then turning the other way and leaving off to commit a crime. She couldn't imagine that when she was fast asleep at night, he could be doing something unspeakable.

Severus wasn't like that. She _knew_ him.

XXX

Severus had been avoiding Kennedy, even though he knew very well that he had _Obliviated_ him and that the Death Eater remembered nothing of their previous encounters.

But something about the man made him feel on edge.

"So you're a Death Eater now?" He had sneered at him once in the hallways.

"As you can see," Severus had replied cooly.

Kennedy had pushed his face up close and then snarled, "You're only a boy, a _child_. What use are _you_ to us, half-blood?"

"I'm not a child," Severus had answered through gritted teeth.

"You're barely out of Hogwarts! What are you? Eighteen? You're only going to come in our way. Pah! You're not even of pure blood!"

"Leave him alone, Kennedy," Avery had suddenly arrived, shoving him a little. "You're supposed to be making him feel welcome,"

Later, after Avery had left and Severus had tried to leave himself, Kennedy had said one last thing: "I don't remember what happened, Snape, but I know that something _did_. Something to do with you,"

"You're delusional," Snape had sneered.

And then he had left, leaving Kennedy fuming.

Severus hadn't joined the Death Eaters just so he could be ridiculed by even more people and his encounter with Kennedy had left him bitterly furious.

_I could make him eat his words…_

But he didn't need any more incidents with the man. The last time someone had nearly died.

XXX

It started to get colder and colder until people started to talk about snow.

She and Lily started to wear cardigans and sweaters. They were both cooped up at home with nothing to do. The summers were over but Petunia did not have to go to college anymore. Instead she got a local job as a typist and started to see Severus a little less.

One day, when she _did_ meet him he looked miserable, drinking copious amounts of black coffee.

"I hate the winters," he had replied when she had asked why he looked so down. "Winters outside school, that is. And this is my first one,"

Petunia had sat down next to him on the bench and snuggled in close."But this is also our first winter together. And soon it's going to snow as well. Think about it, Severus. Lots of snow everywhere. Won't it be beautiful?"

He had turned to her, eyes softened, and then leaned down and whispered in her ear, "Maybe. But not as beautiful as you,"

She had blushed bright red, looking at him in astonishment. This was the first time he had ever paid her such a compliment, called her _beautiful_. She couldn't believe the last time anybody _had_ ever said this to her.

He was red too, looking anywhere but at her.

She would always remember this moment, even years later; how he blushed pink whenever he expressed love or fondness, no matter how close they became, because to Severus it meant being vulnerable, something he hated the most. At such moments Petunia realised how much he had grown to care for her, and vice versa.

XXX

And although Petunia was content with her life at last, Severus wasn't.

He didn't have a job because being a Death Eater didn't pay, and he didn't have any clue what he was going to do for the rest of his life, doing something he wasn't comfortable with, while pretending to Petunia that nothing was wrong.

He woke up every day discomfited, even though he knew nothing was wrong. Not yet anyhow. Every second he spent with Petunia was tainted with worry and every second he spent with his Death Eater comrades was tainted with regret.

He didn't think things would change, and he was stressed beyond his limits.

No matter how much he tried to distract himself, he couldn't relax.

But one day, his world finally tore apart.


	17. Unresolved

**Author's Note: **Don't forget to leave a comment.

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Seventeen**

**"Unresolved"**

* * *

**November, 1978**

Severus shifted closer to her on the grass, kissing her cheek clumsily. "I don't want you to leave,"

Fidgeting slightly, Petunia blushed and mumbled, "But isn't it getting late?"

Severus kissed her again, his breath warm, "Not that late. You could stay," another kiss. "Please," he added, his voice a little pleading.

Petunia wavered a little. Severus had been acting very odd lately, insecure and overtaxed. Petunia had always seen him as cool and collected...but now there was an unexplainable pained and haunted look in his eye. She loathed it.

"Something's the matter, isn't it?" She wheedled.

"What? No," He objected. "I just want you here with me. Is that so wrong?"

"And if I get into trouble? I'll get you back if I do," she warned.

"You will?" Severus smirked lazily at that. "Alright then. Deal,"

Petunia still felt the need to lecture him.

"Severus, I'm worried about you. You just seem so stressed these days. You've even gotten these dark circles under your eyes. Aren't you sleeping well?"

"I'm fine," he muttered.

"And you just seem so tired all the time...are you _sure_ there isn't something you're not telling me?"

"No!" Severus snapped a little too quickly, before looking startled at her hurt face. He immediately pulled her close and murmured softly, "I'm sorry. Just don't worry about me, okay? I'm fine, see? It's just the new apothecary job…"

When she simply bit her lip and looked down at the grass, Severus cupped her face and lifted it up. "Don't pout. I don't like you unhappy, haven't I said?"

"And I _hate_ you troubled…"

"How can I be troubled if you're here with me?" His voice was warm. His hands drifted to her waist.

Petunia went red and scowled, "Don't change the subject, Severus,"

"I'm not…" He suddenly looked bitter. "Besides. You're the only one who hasn't been treating me like trash this week…"

Petunia was startled. "What?"

Severus looked very resentful but didn't elaborate, his eyes now downcast.

Petunia felt the sudden need to please him. She pushed back his dark hair out of his eyes and kissed his lips chastely, feeling vaguely proud when she heard the sharp intake of his breath. She slowly laced her arms around his neck as he kissed back.

"I'd stay till midnight, if you wanted me to," she admitted.

"I know," his hand moved leisurely down her waist to her hips. "But you shouldn't have to, just to appease me,"

"I like appeasing you," she replied teasingly. "And if _I_ had a say in my life, I wouldn't have a stupid curfew,"

"You're lucky you have a family who cares for you," Severus said, now looking serious. "I never had a curfew, and sometimes I wish I did,"

Petunia was quiet for a while. "I know my parents have my best interests at heart. It's just...You don't know how's it been, Severus,"

"Of course they do," he murmured. "They'd never let you be with me if they knew about us,"

"What's that supposed to mean?" She bristled.

"You know what I mean,"

"Well, that's ridiculous," she said fiercely. "And if they really want a say in _my_ life they should have had more of one years ago,"

Severus kissed her very gently, "Then maybe we have one thing in common,"

Before she could respond he pulled her in a deep kiss that left her breathless, before pulling her to her feet.

"You should go home, Petunia," his voice was deep and rough. "I'll see you...soon,"

"But…" She felt terrified.

"Go. I...I should be going anyway…" He suddenly winced and grabbed his left arm in an action that confused her. "You need to hurry, before it gets dark,"

"Severus," Petunia got the same feeling of dread, especially by the panicked look in his eyes.

"Ssh," he said placatingly. "I have to go now, Petunia. I'm sorry I couldn't walk you back,"

She tried to plead, but he had already started to go the other way.

XXX

Severus's hair was whipping around in the fierce wind, his knuckles white as he crouched behind the cracked wall he and his teammates were hidden behind. Two Aurors were walking ahead of them, conversing in low voices.

"Should we attack now?" Somebody whined.

"No. We cannot. Timing is everything," Nott, who was the leader of the mission, snapped.

"What if they leave?" Severus murmured.

"Just one more minute. We need them to be completely startled…"

Severus took a deep breath and tightened his grip around his wand.

He was trying his best to ready himself, so that when Nott finally sounded the signal he and his teammates could stun and capture the Aurors, before bringing them to the Dark Lord.

But all he could think about was Petunia.

The fear that had been in her eyes, almost as if she knew. Had she reached home safely? Was she alright? And what would she think if she knew what he was doing right now?

"On five," Nott muttered.

Severus shook his head, trying to dispel all thoughts of her from his mind. After all, what did _she_ know? There were some things that were necessary to do if you were to survive.

But, if Severus could, he would quit all of this for her in a heartbeat.

"One!" There was a harsh whisper and Severus forced himself to stand up, rush forward, and stun the Auror in front of him.

The man fell forward with a _thump_ and Severus walked forward with his other teammate, kneeling down to inspect him.

"Out cold," He said.

"Take him to the warehouse…and make sure he's secured. We'll send you a signal if we need any assistance," His other teammate ordered.

Severus was thankful for this; to be alone for a while to sort out his thoughts.

As he apparated with the Auror and pushed him into the abandoned warehouse, Severus wondered for the umpteenth time about what he was going to do if anybody discovered about his relationship with her.

Unfortunately, not very long later, he found out.

XXX

Severus supposed he hadn't deserved it. He hadn't deserved to be happy, to have someone who looked at him with such adoration in her eyes, who put up with him and his every bad habit.

Fate was never kind to him for extended periods of time and not very long after, the thing he had been dreading finally happened.

When Severus reported to the Death Eaters one day, thinking of her as usual, ready for the raiding mission they had planned, he was suddenly stopped by three men.

He backed away, looking startled, noticing that Kennedy was amongst them, his mouth curved in a mocking smirk.

Severus's stomach dropped. Something wasn't right. Kennedy only smirked at him like that if...

"We have a little something to discuss with you, Severus…"

He tried to steady his voice. "What is it?"

"We've found out something quite interesting about you, isn't that curious?" Kennedy was leering now, looking malicious. "Any guesses as to what it is?"

Severus felt his heart drop to his feet. "Spit it out," he snapped, his fists clenched.

"What's that? No guesses at all? Well, did you think we wouldn't find out?"

"Find out about _what_?"

"About your Muggle companion," Kennedy spat.

Severus froze, the colouring draining out of his face ."W-what?"

"There's no need to deny anything, Snape, for we have proof. We saw you both together. Wandering. What a little blood traitor you turned out to be, eh? You knew we don't abide Muggle-lovers here, don't you? What's the Dark Lord going to say when he finds out about your pretty little friend?"

"I don't know her!" Severus blurted desperately. "She's just an acquaintance! She lives close by, that's all,"

Kennedy looked sceptical. "What? Are you trying to _protect_ her?"

Severus scoffed. "That's ridiculous. Why would I ever associate myself with the likes of a _Muggle_? I haven't sunk so low just yet. In fact, why don't you go tell the Dark Lord...Let's see just what he thinks of your accusation!"

"Accusation? I have evidence-"

"As usual, you've proven your intellect, Kennedy," Severus sneered. "I have nothing to do with her. I can't help her living close by, can I?"

"It didn't _seem_ like you had nothing to do with her…"

"Maybe if you had not looked with such intentions in mind, you would have seen the truth."

Kennedy flushed red and started to say something but his companions stopped him, shaking their heads.

"That's enough, Kennedy. I told you this was a bad idea,"

Severus's head was still spinning when he finally got to escape.

XXX

He was absolutely traumatised. He just couldn't believe how badly his world had been ripped apart, in a matter of moments. How could he have been foolish enough to think that his happiness would last?

Severus knew that risking any more ties with Petunia would just get them both into trouble. And not only the trouble of her parents finding out, but a much more dangerous problem; danger of the Death Eaters harming her, which was the last thing Severus wanted.

They would kill her on the spot, and then they would then kill him too for being a "traitor". Death Eaters weren't supposed to associate themselves with Muggles and Mudbloods! They were supposed to hate them, were supposed to work against them, wipe them out.

Severus felt tears prickle his eyes angrily. He was disgusted by what he had become, but he could figure out what to do about it later. Right now, Petunia was much more important.

XXX

It was like he had been stabbed in the chest. Severus couldn't believe just how difficult this was for him. To approach her house the minute he left the headquarters. To wait for her to come outside so that he could dump her.

_It's for her safety. To keep her safe. I won't be able to forgive myself if she gets hurt, just because of me. She'll understand in the long run…She has to..._

Severus had decided to tell her that it wasn't working out for him, and try to put the blame on himself, to make it so that _he_ was the ungrateful one who didn't deserve her, not the other way around.

He waited for what seemed like an eternity for her to open the door, fighting back tears, trying to steady himself, feeling empty and numb.

When the door finally opened a crack, he couldn't help but look away in pain. Had he not stood here not very long ago, trying to win her back? And now here he was again, in an attempt to break it off.

He had been so happy, so content. Now it was all gone. Gone forever, like everything else in his life.

"Severus?" She looked surprised.

"I...I have to tell you something," he said softly, his voice hoarse. He wondered how he was going to look her in the eye after this.

Petunia opened the door wider and smiled, not taking in his tone.

"First _I_ have to tell you something," she said. "The plan's been confirmed. We're going over to Scotland for a couple of months,"

Severus abruptly stopped short. She was _leaving_?

"What? _Months_?"

"Yes," she said, looking a little upset. "Dad made the plan, and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't want to go, not really...since I don't know really how I'm going to handle not seeing you for so long…"

Severus felt his throat constrict. "I…"

"But we can still write letters," she said quickly. "You'll write, won't you, Severus?"

"I will," he said despite himself. He didn't quite know what to say, for this had been quite a shock for him.

Severus hesitated. He didn't think he could talk to her about breaking up, after all. Not after this news...Maybe it was better for them to be far apart anyway. They could gradually stop communicating until they forgot about each other. That would be less abrupt and painful.

Petunia beamed at him, "Thanks…" She suddenly paused. "Oh. What did _you_ have to tell me?"

"Nothing important," Severus laughed shakily. "Forget about it. Come here," he murmured, before pulling her against his chest and kissing her affectionately, leaving her blushing.

XXX

The days sped by sooner than he would have liked and by late November, Severus found himself sneaking out to the airport to see her off and to meet her for the last time.

"I'll miss you," Petunia hugged him hard. Severus found himself unable to speak. There was a huge lump in his throat that he kept trying to swallow down. He had never felt such a keening sadness before.

She pulled away and looked up at him, her eyes a little wet. "You _will_ write, won't you? I'll send you the first letter so you know where I live, and then you can-"

"Don't worry. I'll write," He laughed a little, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and kissing her forehead chastely.

"And you'll take care?" Her voice wavered.

"Yes, of course. And so will you,"

"Yes. Yes, and…" She trailed off, biting her lower lip. Her family was up ahead and she ducked her head a little, cheeks pinkening.

Severus took hold of her chin gently and raised her face up. This would probably be the last time he could admire her freely like this, her almond-shaped blue-grey eyes, her blonde hair in a ponytail, her pale skin and the small dimple when she smiled.

He closed his eyes, bent his head and kissed her as hard as he could, his heart burning.

Petunia started in surprise and then stood up on tip-toes, throwing her arms around his neck and pressing close to him.

Severus felt her tears finally escape, felt her lips tremble. He cupped her face, stroking her cheeks with his thumb as he continued to kiss her smoothly.

_The last time,_ he thought with shock and misery.

He broke away a little while later. Her eyes fluttered open, as she panted harshly, still looking faintly surprised.

"Gosh, I-I love you, Severus," she whispered in a trembling voice.

Severus opened his mouth to speak but there was suddenly a call from Lily, who was standing up ahead, waving out to Petunia.

"Come on!" She mouthed urgently.

Petunia took a step away from him, "Well...I'll see you, then," she mumbled.

"Right," the sadness in his heart was unbelievable. He wanted to stop her from leaving, plead for her to stay, but he couldn't.

Petunia turned around and walked back to her family, her shoulders slightly drooped.

Severus stood watching her until he could no longer see her, not even a speck of her dark top. He felt forlorn.

Earlier that year, he had never thought that he could even befriend her, let alone date her. Earlier that year he had looked down his nose at Muggles, and lusted after Lily futilely. He had looked at Petunia as if she was nothing more than dirt underneath his shoe and she had taunted him for his devotion to Lily. Now, he could barely believe that they would be separated for so long, and that even if she returned, they would never be able to talk again, at least not if he had any say.

Severus turned around on his heel and made to leave the airport. A lot had happened these past few months but almost nothing had been resolved.


	18. Misunderstandings

**Authors Note: **I can't believe I'm finally on the second half of Unspoken Wishes! Things are gonna be a little darker and move along much more quickly. For anyone who is disappointed by any turn of events–don't worry! Thanks again for reading and supporting me. Don't forget to review.

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Eighteen **

**"Misunderstandings"**

* * *

**PART TWO**

**March, 1979**

Petunia Evans found herself shifting nervously in her seat as the airplane started to descend. Scotland had been beautiful, and she hadn't disliked the experience as much as she had thought she would. In fact, it had been great.

To her dismay, however, Petunia had corresponded with Severus very seldom.

At first, she had written to him feverishly, hiding her letters from Lily, who was now sharing a room with her in the guest room of their cousins' home.

She had written about how much she missed him and how green Scotland was, and how different her cousins were from her and Lily, and he had replied, telling her to stay safe, telling her that he missed her.

Later on, she had written to him as often as possible, without being irritating. Sometimes the letter was weekly, sometimes it was every three to four days, sometimes it was even after a week or two.

But she made sure to talk to him as much as she could.

And Severus had written too. For a while…

_It's snowing here_, he said in December, _I'm alright, just overworked at the apothecary. Take care of yourself._

Then, in January, he had said; _Happy New Year to you, too...I'm sorry for not replying, I've been busy with...stuff._

_I'm nineteen,_ he wrote when Petunia wished him a happy birthday on the 9th and asked how old he was, _and thank you._

And in this way, he eventually stopped writing back. From frequent, complying and amicable replies, his letters started to get more and more occasional.

He many times wrote after several _weeks_, making the excuse that he had been busy, his tone cold and disinterested.

But Petunia didn't understand why, and for a while, didn't even notice it until she found him going as far as ignoring some of her letters.

And it had been horrible. Absolutely awful. It had been bad enough not seeing him for so long, but now he didn't want to write to her either?

After hours of worrying and fretting and dispelling horrible thoughts of his fading interest in her, Petunia finally concluded that perhaps he _was_ busy...and that she shouldn't make such a big deal out of it.

Anyhow, it didn't matter now. The holiday was finally over and she was going to see his face again. She was finally going to meet him since she left him last year, in November.

Lily seemed to sense her nervousness and looked at her skeptically. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing,"

"Are you nervous about seeing Severus?"

"What? No, of course not," Petunia ducked her head, red.

"Don't worry, I honestly miss James as well. I think I'll head on to his place after unpacking,"

Petunia looked out of her window. "We're nearly landing," she tried to change the subject.

Lily brushed back her dark red hair and frowned at the grey back of the seat in front of her. "Will he be there at the airport?"

Petunia started, a little surprised. She had told Severus when she would be arriving, but hadn't really asked him to come meet her. She wondered if he would show up. She'd be ecstatic if he would.

"I don't know, he didn't say so," she muttered.

Lily didn't reply, merely looking suspicious.

XXX

Petunia shivered. It was _freezing_ and there was still a bit of snow blanketing the ground from what she could see from outside the windows.

She had been looking everywhere for Severus but in vain.

He hadn't come.

Petunia's heart sank and she tried to blink back tears. Lily didn't say a word but she could almost _feel_ the smugness radiating off her, and she absolutely hated it. But before she could snap at the witch, her father interrupted her mid-speech, asking if anybody was peckish.

Petunia refused immediately. She didn't feel very hungry for some reason.

XXX

When they finally reached home, Petunia didn't sit downstairs with her family but went straight to her room to unpack.

It felt amazing to be back home, to be in her own room. She sat down on her bed and began to pull out her clothes and belongings.

_Why didn't he come?_ She thought bitterly, as she took out her books. _He couldn't_ _have been _that_ busy..._

Petunia wondered why Severus's replies had gotten so distant eventually...he did still like her, didn't he? He hadn't found somebody else, had he?

_Don't be an idiot. Just meet him later today, whenever you're free…_

She paused. No, she wouldn't go meet him after he hadn't even bothered to show up at the airport. She'd go tomorrow, or maybe even the day after.

After all, she didn't want to appear needy and clingy. Maybe it was time _Severus_ started to ask around for her.

She was so deep in her bitter musings that she didn't notice Lily standing at the door, holding a cup of tea and a plate of tarts.

"Mum sent this up for you," she said, putting the cup and plate on Petunia's desk. "Why do _you_ look so cross?"

"Cross? I'm not cross," Petunia muttered. "Just tired out from the journey. It's nice to be home, isn't it?"

Lily looked knowing and Petunia felt fury well up inside of her. What did _she_ know? Obviously she had never experienced any problems of this sort! Everybody pined after Lily. In fact, if it had been _Lily_ in this circumstance Snape would have been waiting _eagerly_ for her, gushing over how much he had missed her, showering her with presents...

_You're overreacting, _Petunia told herself firmly_. Severus cares for you. You know he does._

Maybe she'd just see him tomorrow after all.

XXX

Petunia finally managed to meet him two days later, the mere task proving immensely difficult.

However, something was horribly, horribly wrong.

Severus's eyes remained impassive and unfathomable upon her arrival, his face carefully blank and expressionless.

Petunia found herself nervous and taken aback. It was almost like the first time they had come face to face with each other, last year in June, when they hadn't seen each other in years and Severus had been spiteful and distant.

She swallowed, taking him in quickly. How tall he was, his big, dark eyes and long black hair. How attractive he was and how much she loved him and how overwhelmed she was that she had gotten him in some twist of fate.

"Severus–"

"Yes?" He said aloofly, still looking unfriendly. "Is there something wrong?"

Petunia was absolutely gobsmacked. She gaped up at him, heart thudding painfully in her chest. "What? What do you mean?"

He raised an eyebrow, "I _mean_, what do you want?"

"What I _want_? Severus, what's wrong with you? Why are you behaving like this?" Petunia demanded, her temper rising.

His face betrayed nothing. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he sneered.

Petunia glared at him, "This isn't funny, Severus. Stop it. Now,"

"I'm not attempting to be funny," he shot back, his sneer more pronounced as he stared down at her with what seemed like disdain.

"Severus, it's me! Petunia. Why are you acting so cold? Aren't you glad to see me?" Her voice started to get thick with emotion. "We haven't seen each other since November–"

Petunia thought she saw something flicker in his eyes for a moment, even if she wasn't sure what. Guilt? Grief? Disgust? It could be anything...just not the blank face she was being forced to talk to.

"And why would I be glad to see _you_?" Severus asked coldly, his voice hard but cracking slightly at the end. But Petunia didn't notice. She was too busy panicking.

Tears filled her eyes. She couldn't believe this, she couldn't. "W-what? Why wouldn't you? I...I'm your…" She swallowed hard, backing away. "Why are you speaking like this? Do you think I buy it that you've forgotten everything?"

Severus stepped forward swiftly and Petunia flinched away, startled.

"There was nothing between us, Evans," he said clearly, as if trying to explain to her a simple concept in class. The use of her last name made Petunia's eyes widen with shock. "And there never will be. Ever. It's over,"

And then he left, leaving her standing alone, tears spilling from her cheeks, astounded, confused and absolutely heartbroken.

XXX

Severus couldn't make it back home. His steps faltered as he tried to walk back to the shack. His face had turned absolutely white, a perfect rictus of pain.

That had been the most painful thing he had done in his life. It had been worse than the brief crucios he got whenever he made mistakes during his missions, worse than missing her at nights, worse than _anything_.

Just seeing her stricken face, her eyes filled with tears, had made him want to embrace her and tell her everything, that he would rather die than do this...That he had no choice.

All he had wanted to do was protect her. Not only from the Death Eaters but from himself.

She had no idea, none at all of how torturous the past few months had been for him, working without complaint as a Death Eater, returning home to emptiness and solitude, lying awake at night and missing the feel of her lips on his, her flowery scent.

The Death Eaters had made him work harder than he ever before. With all the constant missions and training sessions, he had found himself busy and useful almost all day.

Severus had forcibly lessened his replies to her, trying to send her the signal, trying to make _her_ resent _him_. He had tried to stop all communications and had rejoiced when she hadn't interacted with him after arriving back in Britain.

But when she had eventually caught up to him, he had been horrified. He hadn't been prepared for this but had known that he had to end it.

Even if it hurt both of them.

Severus still didn't know how he was going to forget her, but he had to, and so did she.

XXX

Petunia was absolutely shaken. She just couldn't understand what had happened. Had she upset him? Had he found another woman?

It was like all of their stolen kisses, all of their whispered concessions had never existed at all.

She was faint and blank as she walked back home, her tears having dried up.

She had almost run after him and begged him to tell her what was wrong, if she had hurt him, to not leave her.

_Ha! You're a fool, Petunia._

How could any man love her? How could any man want her? Severus had come to his senses, that was all that had happened.

"N-no...he said he cared for me...he did!" She whimpered to herself.

_He was lying to you. Again._

Hadn't he himself said it back then? That the only man who could ever love her would be garbage?

_He never loved you. _No one _can ever love _you.

Petunia remembered his heartfelt kiss at the airport. But why had he done that? Why had he changed his mind about her like this?

_He's probably found somebody else, somebody prettier, less clingy. He doesn't need you, a Muggle. You were a fool to think he would reciprocate your feelings. You _deserve_ this._

Petunia burst into tears, hiding her face with her hands. She had never felt this shattered in her life, not even when Severus had confessed his love to Lily in front of her.

_Lily_! Even that name made her cringe with rage. If Petunia could get back at her sister, she would in a heartbeat.

But it wasn't Lily's fault she was so unlikeable, was it?

Petunia shook her head, tears dripping into her shirt. She couldn't shake away the image of Severus's cold, dark eyes from her head.

XXX

The Dark Lord insisted on vigorous training exercises, that left Severus sore all over on his best days. He had never been so active at Hogwarts and he found his body eventually get more toned, get more sinewy.

His mood darkened more as the days went by. He was merciless and hard in all of his missions, his bitterness and anger overruling everything else.

With nothing left to look forward to, Severus started pouring in effort in whatever work he got. He rose to favour very quickly with the Dark Lord. All the other Death Eaters started to be wary and envious of him.

Severus still felt Kennedy watching him sometimes, looking hateful and suspicious. But Severus knew the man could do nothing more to him now. With Petunia gone, he had no way to attack either of them and that was a small mercy.

Eventually, even though he tried hard to abstain, Severus started to buy a bottle of alcohol whenever he could, drowning in his self-pity and guilt.

XXX

Petunia's fingers traced the telephone nervously. Should she call him? Was she being reckless? Would he reject her after everything that had happened?

She closed her eyes. Just because she and Severus were over, didn't mean she was going to spend her days in misery. She was going to show that bastard that her life didn't revolve around him.

But what if Vernon wasn't interested anymore? Truth be told, Petunia wasn't either, but she had a point to prove. She wasn't going to lament Snape her entire life...she had to move on.

She swallowed, and picked up the receiver.

XXX

Several days later, Severus watched with raised eyebrows at the car parked outside.

He hadn't been spying on Petunia but had been walking close by, trying to avoid the house. But the shiny car had caught his eye.

_I recognise that car._

He had seen it before, hadn't he? Near Spinner's End.

_Wait_.

No, she wouldn't. She wouldn't do that.

_Why, she had actually dared_!

No, no this was _his_ fault. He had no right on her anymore. She was a free spirit, she could love anyone she wanted to. She deserved better than him.

Severus's face was flushed red, his fists clenched. He would do anything to stomp over to the house, find that lummock and injure him beyond recognition.

He cringed at the thought of _anyone_ near her, touching her. It made him feel physically ill. _He_ was the only one allowed to kiss her.

Severus suddenly felt sick for his possessive and jealous thoughts. They were uncalled for.

She could do whatever the hell she wanted now...

XXX

Vernon could never make her feel the way Severus did. No one could. Then who was she fooling, trying to call him back into her life?

Petunia could just imagine Severus's face if he found out about this. It made her feel satisfied. It would him serve right for dumping her like she was nothing but garbage.

What had it been? Her Muggle status? Her insufficient looks? Her personality? All three?

"_Not as beautiful as you_," He had whispered in her ear, that day.

Had he lied, then? Had he wanted to lead her on? Again?

"You didn't even give me an explanation," she whispered bitterly in the empty room. "But I've _had_ it now,"

Severus Snape was going to pay.


	19. Heartbreak And Revelations

**Author's Note: **Please review you what think of this chapter and what you hope happens next.

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Nineteen**

**"Heartbreak And Revelations"**

* * *

Time passed on, as usual, until their last encounter was a dim, hazy memory the two of them were eager to forget. Petunia's life, which had started to look up, once again grew bleak and dismal.

She felt _depressed_, and clinically so. The break-up seemed irreparable and she had nothing to look forward to. She often found it difficult to go about with her daily activities, and spent most of her time sleeping or closeted up in her room.

Lily tried her best to figure out what was going on. For a while, Petunia managed to keep her clueless; she was adamant that no one know of her humiliating predicament.

However, the redhead eventually caught on. She approached Petunia one day, while the latter was tidying up her room.

"You and Severus have fought, haven't you?"

"What are you on about?"

"And that's why you've been cooped up in your room, all melancholy. He's done something. Again,"

"It's none of your business," Petunia snapped.

"I assure you it _is_, because you're my sister. I thought you were supposed to share these things with me? What did that prat do now?"

"Nothing. Everything's fine!"

"You can't fool me, Petunia," Lily placed her hands on her hips, frowning.

"I _told_ you, nothing's wrong! Now get out of my room,"

"Just tell me what he did, Petunia," Lily said pleadingly. "I'll _murder_ him,"

"Please don't. He hasn't done anything wrong. It's my fault,"

Her fault for trying to believe that she could be happy, that she could get him to love her more than Lily.

"I swear to Merlin if he hurt you-"

"Gosh, Lily! Severus would never. He hasn't done anything wrong, I _said_. Now can you please leave my room?"

After Lily finally left, Petunia burst out into tears.

She honestly couldn't stand it anymore. Never had she felt such misery. No break-up had ever been this traumatizing for her.

Petunia could remember every word Severus had once said to her, when they had been alone, his voice a low rumble in her ear, possessive yet so adoring that it was hard not to blush.

She could remember the faint flush that had spattered his cheeks every time he had seen her. Her heart had belonged to him and she had hoped that it was vice versa. And, back then, by the look in his eyes, she had almost believed that it _was_.

But now Petunia knew that it had all been a lie.

XXX

Severus and Lucius Malfoy sat together at the long polished table, waiting for the meeting to start.

"How are you liking Death Eater life so far, Severus?" He asked.

"It's fine. I mean...it's good. I am thankful for it…" Severus flushed a little.

"A little overworked?" Lucius smirked.

"What? No. Of course not,"

Lucius smiled knowingly. "But look at all the glory you've gotten, Severus. Already close to the Dark Lord!"

Severus smiled slightly, ducking his head. He was about to answer before a sudden hush fell over the room.

The Dark Lord made his way over to the head of the table, his companion snake slithering behind him and settling around the legs of his chair.

"Macnair, you may begin the meeting,"

Severus tried his best to listen closely as all the Death Eaters started giving in their reports. A light discussion filled the table. He was tense and silent throughout.

It wasn't long before there was another hush.

Lucius nudged him and Severus flinched and looked around the table in confusion.

"Severus?"

"Yes, Sir?"

"I was just speaking of how pleased I am with you, and how, even though you are a new recruit, you have proven yourself very competent and talented, even more so than some of the older ones…"

Severus flushed, trying in vain to keep his voice steady. "T-thank you, my Lord. I–"

He noticed some of the Death Eaters looking at him resentfully, some even glaring...Kennedy looked livid.

"I think a reward is in order. For the next mission, I want Severus in charge. Is that understood?"

There was a murmur around the table and Severus swallowed.

"What do you say, Severus?"

"I would be honored, my Lord," Severus said softly, feeling small yet proud.

The meeting proceeded as usual, but this time Severus felt eyes peering at him, looking at him appraisingly. It wasn't long before the Dark Lord suddenly uttered the dangerous words Severus had been dreading:

"There will be war soon,"

He felt himself go pale. Was the man serious? _War_? It didn't sound like a simple raiding mission or even a duel against the Aurors. It actually sounded...dangerous.

"Against Albus Dumbledore, and the Ministry of Magic. I intend to usurp my rightful position as the leader...and I expect all of you to help me in overthrowing these Muggle-loving rulers…"

Everyone cheered.

"Soon blood purity will be held up in high esteem and the Muggles and Muggle-borns eradicated…"

Severus felt shivers go down his spine.

_Petunia_…

"...We will finally rule."

He suddenly felt ill. Severus turned his face away and looked down at the shiny table, breathing erratically. He did not notice Kennedy watching him.

XXX

Eventually, the searing pain over the break-up grew more dull. It had felt like piercing sharp knives in her midriff, but had now faded to a dull throb; enough for Petunia to manage to get out of bed one day and leave her room.

She woke up refreshed and walked over to her dresser. She combed her hair and tied a long braid, then changed into new clothes and put on her sneakers.

She barely thought of Severus as she left the house, heading for the supermarket just for something to do. The weather was cool and pleasant and it spurred her on.

As Petunia walked slowly, deep in thought, she felt herself being watched. She had felt herself being watched quite a _lot_ lately, but had no idea by what.

Petunia hurried her pace, swallowing. A few moments later, she thought she heard _footsteps_, but dismissed the thought as them probably being her own.

Just as she was finally nearing the store, something very, very odd happened.

She was suddenly grabbed by the arm by a tall, strong man who wore a dark cloak with a hood that hid his face.

Petunia screamed and tried to pull away, struggling madly.

But the man did not let go, a sickening leer on his face. There was a very abrupt movement and all of a sudden Petunia felt herself jolting forwards.

XXX

Petunia was taken to a strange, dusty room that seemed like it had been abandoned.

"Where am I?" She demanded in a voice that was braver than she felt.

"Shut up," the man snapped. "Just wait here like a good little Muggle until your boyfriend comes to play the hero…"

"W-what are you talking about?"

"I said shut up! Don't make me hurt you, got that? I'm waiting for _him_ to arrive first,"

Petunia felt absolutely horrified but before she could beg for her life, he used his wand to silence her.

XXX

Severus was laughing and chattering with Avery and Lucius when a sullen-faced Death Eater approached them, looking apprehensive.

"What is it?" Avery raised an eyebrow.

Severus, who had just recovered from an amusing joke told by Lucius, suddenly felt uneasy. The man was looking straight at him.

"Er...Kennedy wants to see you, Snape,"

"What?" He felt anxious. "Why?"

"Shall we come as well?" Avery asked.

"No. It was his express wishes that it was only to be Snape. He says it has to do with some mission…"

"Good luck, Severus. And don't fret about it, you know he can't do you any harm without getting into trouble," Avery said.

Severus nodded, and followed the man to the very corner of the Headquarters.

"He's in this room," the Death Eater said, before disappearing down the hallway.

Severus swallowed hard and then turned the knob.

Inside was a poorly lit room, with an assortment of junk items piled in boxes which were stacked against the wall.

Kennedy suddenly stepped into view, a large smirk adorning his face.

"Severus,"

"What do you want?"

"That isn't a very polite tone, Severus," the man's voice was slightly mocking. "How about we lose the attitude before somebody gets hurt?"

"Why did you call me here?"

Kennedy smiled widely, twirling his wand around in his hand.

"I have called several Death Eaters here as a sort of testimony," He said, gesturing to the silent men standing in the far corner of the room, who were shifting slightly, a few looking vaguely interested, others actually excited.

"What are you trying to accomplish?" Snape demanded, feeling his pulse rise.

"I was getting to that,"

"Hurry it up, Kennedy! What's going on?"

"If you recall, several months ago, I questioned you about your loyalties…? And about your Muggle friend…"

"What? I thought we had discussed that,"

"You told me and my teammates that it was a false accusation and so we did not go to the Dark Lord. For if we did, you would have truly suffered Snape...He does not abide Muggle-lovers in his group…" Kennedy went on.

Severus was starting to get very panicked. "Yes, and your point? What does this have to do with me?"

"Well, assuming you were telling the truth…" Kennedy suddenly walked towards a corner of the room, pulling with him somebody by the wrist. "Then you will not have any objections to this,"

Severus felt his mouth go dry.

It was Petunia.

There was terrified look on her pale face. His blood boiled in a way it had never done before.

Before Severus could even try to recover from the shock, Kennedy let go of her wrist and smirked, "We thought...since, as you said, she was nothing but a worthless Muggle acquaintance...you would do the honors of putting an end to her?"

"W-w-what?" Severus stammered, his blood running cold. He couldn't believe his ears. He saw her eyes fill with pure terror.

"Do you prefer we do it? It doesn't matter either way…"

"But there is no need...it's senseless and a waste of time!" Severus's voice was tinged with desperation and fear.

Kennedy looked even more gleeful. "Come on, Severus. Her life isn't valuable in the least. Killing her off holds no weight,"

"I…" Severus tried desperately to keep his cold, emotionless facade up but he was failing quite a bit. He felt his fists clench as he tried to figure out what to do. There was no way he could let his happen.

He would rather die himself.

Long seconds ticked by. The assembled Death Eaters watched him curiously.

"Go on, Snape!" One of them jeered.

Severus couldn't form any words. His eyes flew across the room, looking for a solution.

"It's a _little_ shame though…" Kennedy suddenly murmured, grabbing hold of her slim wrist again and stroking it with an intent that was malicious and lustful. "Perhaps, before we kill her we can…"

It was just like that day in the Playground, when he had watched the green light shoot towards her in numb agony. Severus's anger shot up to the point that his face flushed absolute scarlet and his fists clenched until there were little half-moons pressed in his palms, his eyes glinting with fury.

In a flash, his wand was out, pointing straight at Kennedy.

"Don't. Touch. Her!" He shouted, a curse escaping from the tip of his wand and hitting the man square in the chest so that he went flying into the wall behind him.

The Death Eaters, shocked out of their wits, drew their wands, but Severus had already rushed forward, grabbed Petunia by her hand, and apparated before a single hex could hit him.

She collapsed in his arms as they arrived in a neighborhood near Spinner's End, limp and shell-shocked, coughing and spluttering from the rocking sensation the apparition had caused.

"Petunia," Severus's voice was thick, traces of anger still left in it. "Come on. Stand up. We have to get you somewhere safe. They're going to try to find us,"

She shook her head at him, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"What's wrong?" He asked anxiously.

She shook her head again and Severus suddenly realized. He took out his wand and pointed it at her mouth.

"_Finite_ _Incantatem_," his voice was wobbly. "Oh Merlin, I'm sorry,"

Petunia whimpered, still limp in his arms.

"We have to go," he pleaded with her.

"C-can't," she mumbled.

"But…" Severus tried to stand her up but her legs were too wobbly. The shock had proven too much for her.

He tried to think. The Death Eaters were going to get them, he was sure of it. They had to hurry; there was no time to lose.

Panicking, he carefully lifted Petunia up in his arms and struggled toward home.

She clung to his neck fearfully, face pale and tearful as he tried his best to accommodate her weight and hurry back home.

"I'm too heavy," She whispered to him as he ambled along.

"No. No, it's fine. Just hang on, okay?"

He felt her bury her face in his neck dolefully and he went on.

He was still furious, his face still very flushed. He felt extremely protective of her and suddenly realized that he had failed in keeping her safe. And that was only the start of his mess-ups.

Eventually, Severus reached the shack. He went inside and placed her down on the bed, covering her up with a blanket.

She was frail and weak, shivering slightly.

"Petunia…" He whispered, looking down at her in concern. "You're shaking like a leaf…"

She didn't respond but closed her eyes, letting tears fall.

He faltered. "How are you feeling?"

She didn't answer.

"You're not hurt, are you?"

No response.

Severus swallowed. "I know how angry you are at me right now. Probably pretty bloody confused as well. I...I know you probably hate me. But I-I have an explanation,"

Petunia didn't say a word, but she was glaring now, looking accusing.

"Er...I'll get you some tea. Something to give you some energy. I'll be right back…" and with that Severus disappeared, leaving her all alone.

XXX

Petunia looked apprehensively at the man when he returned, holding a tray in his hands.

He set it down on the nightstand next to the bed and then sat down on the chair he had conjured.

"I made you some broth," he said in a low voice, nodding at the bowl. It smelt pleasant but Petunia didn't feel very hungry.

"And here's a cup of tea. I figured it'd warm you up,"

When she still didn't say a word, feeling resentful, Severus swallowed audibly.

"I...I think you should try the broth first?"

She merely scowled at him.

He took a spoonful of the hot liquid and brought it to her mouth.

"Petunia," his voice was stern when she turned her face away.

"I don't want it," she growled.

"It's to make you feel better," he protested. "You're so frail right now. I can't let you go back like this. So open up,"

She felt angry tears prickle her eyes but she still didn't comply.

"_Please_?"

"No,"

"But you need to get your energy back,"

"_No_,"

"How–how about this?" Severus sounded desperate now, face a perfect picture of misery. "I'll reward you if you have some?"

"I'm not a bloody _child_, Snape!" Petunia snapped.

He flinched. "I know. Far from it," he forced himself to smile, almost seductively. "That's why, for every spoonful, you get a kiss. How's that?"

Desire filled Petunia as she found herself blushing furiously. Severus had always had that effect on her, what with his deep voice and dark eyes.

But how could he offer to _kiss_ her? They weren't a couple anymore. They had broken up. For good.

"I'd rather _die_ than have _you_ kiss me," Petunia retorted maliciously. "I'm not that desperate,"

She saw his face contort, first with shock, then, briefly, with anger, before being replaced by a self-loathing guilt.

"I understand," he mumbled. "Are you sure, though?"

"Positive. I'll have that myself, thank you," Petunia struggled to sit up.

He wordlessly passed her the tray and Petunia began to have it quite forcefully.

It was surprisingly delicious and she felt her energy slowly trickle back, until she was no longer feeling a rag doll that had been through the washer.

Severus watched her quietly. He was wearing a black cloak with a hood that she wanted nothing more than to taunt him endlessly about. The man who had kidnapped her had worn the same.

Severus's eyes eventually dropped to the floor, his head slightly bent, face hidden behind his hood. His long hair covered his eyes as he bit his lip. Petunia could see him shaking slightly, his breath harsh.

She suddenly realized that he was crying. Thick, slow tears were flowing down his flushed cheeks as he struggled not to make a sound.

Petunia suddenly felt _horrible_. She had had much sadness in her life but none as awful as watching Severus cry, silent in his misery.

"S-Severus? Are you…"

He looked up at her and laughed shakily. "It's nothing," he mumbled thickly.

"I...Severus, please. I can't stand you crying," Petunia croaked, feeling helpless. She had never in her life expected someone as self-confident as Severus to actually cry.

Severus wiped his tears away from his wet cheeks. "Don't worry about me. It's nothing I don't deserve…" He took a deep, shuddering breath. Petunia noticed that his collar was slightly soaked with tears. "I...I owe you an explanation, Petunia…" He whispered.

Petunia didn't reply, but her eyes spoke for her.

He finally managed to steady his voice. "I...I'm so sorry. I...Look...what I said that day...I didn't mean a word of it, alright? Not a word,"

Petunia was very, very confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I was lying. I think by now you can guess what I am...A pathetic little _Death_ _Eater_...yes, I know," he said at the look on her face. "I'm part of _them_. I-I didn't want to, Petunia, but I'm not going to pretend like it wasn't my choice. Though I doubt I'm still a member after my recent stunt…" He smiled slightly. "That was what I was hiding from you. I'm sorry,"

"You _hid_ this from me?" Petunia demanded. "Something so bloody dangerous?...Severus, how could you? How could you join them?"

"I know. I know. I deserve Azkaban. But please believe me...I don't want to do it anymore. All I wanted was for them to give me the glory I craved so selfishly...but all I did was sin,"

"So...the man who kidnapped me…?"

"Was a Death Eater, yes. I've been trying to protect you...I know you don't want to be mixed up in this, don't want to be in constant danger because of me. They-they had found out about us. That's why I broke it off. That's why I had stopped writing to you. That's why I pretended I didn't know you,"

Petunia was gobsmacked. So...all the misery she had faced...was just because this git had tried to _protect_ her?

"I didn't want you hurt at any cost...but what did I end up doing? Nearly getting you killed. You have to forgive me, Petunia," he begged. "Or I won't be able to forgive myself,"

"Severus, I…"

"Please…" His voice was cracking. "Please. I'm so sorry...For _everything_," His face searched her's pleadingly. "You have to understand,"

"Severus, I...It's okay. Please don't...I can't stand it…" Petunia looked away from his pained face.

There was a spark of magic and the tray disappeared from her lap. Petunia looked back to see Severus reaching forward and hugging her tight.

"I missed you," he whispered in the ear.

Petunia clung to him needily, not daring to respond. She could barely believe this was happening and as much as she wanted for Severus and her to go back to normal, it would take at least a few days to get over all that had happened.

"You're a _git_, Severus," she suddenly hissed in his ear. "Do you even know what I've been through these past days? I was _miserable_,"

"I know. I'll make it up to you...somehow,"

"You still have a lot to explain," she said sternly. "And when I'm better, I want to hear all of it,"

"Anything," he kissed her ear and buried his head in her hair.

Petunia could feel by his clinginess, that he truly was sorry. She was very surprised to find out that Severus had never stopped loving her...perhaps he cared for her even more than she had thought.

"Did you hear that?" She suddenly whispered.

Severus pulled away, looking alert. "I think they've finally caught up,"

Petunia looked fearful. "Severus, what do we-"

"Don't worry. Just...get up and follow me,"

Petunia struggled to her feet, hating how wobbly they still were. She gasped when Severus led her away hastily, to another door at the very opposite end of the shack.

"Petunia, you need to leave. Go back home, to Lily. Please, promise me you'll go straight back," He had opened the door and was ushering her out.

"I'm not leaving you alone!"

"You have no choice, they're wizards, they have wands-"

"I can't let you fight them alone–"

There was a loud, crashing sound and Severus kissed her forehead, and closed the door in her face.

Petunia, pale but determined, crept slowly towards the front of the shack, making sure she was hidden from view.

A few moments later, Severus stood in front of the main entrance, wand drawn and his face set. There were seven to eight Death Eaters surrounding him.

Petunia felt her heart jump to her throat. How would Severus fend himself?

There was a moment's pause and then Severus shot a hex towards the Death Eater right in front of him.

The fight began.


	20. Talk Of War

**Author's Note: **I'm sorry for the long wait! School's started and everything has been rather hectic. That being said, I hope you enjoy the chapter :)

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Twenty**

**"Talk Of War"**

* * *

She was very lucky not to get hit; the sky was filled with colour as jets of deadly magic were blocked and issued.

She could vaguely hear taunts, accusations, stumbling footsteps whenever anyone got hit, but the only thing Petunia could concentrate on was Severus. His face held determination, even though she was sure he was terrified. If Severus had truly been part of this group she did not imagine that they would take his sudden disloyalty very graciously.

She stood there staring, in awe and horror, until there was a sudden shout. Her eyes widened and she abruptly backed away, moving away from the wall. One of the Death Eaters had lit fire to the shack, and it was burning to the ground.

She saw Severus whip around, his dark eyes widening. Petunia panicked; could she go in and get his belongings before they got burnt?

...But it was probably too late; the house was quickly dilapidating. Tears suddenly sprung to her eyes. They had worked so _hard_ on that house.

Severus looked back at the Death Eaters, his eyes flashing with fury. The battle suddenly changed. Now, instead of deflecting spells, Severus was shooting them out. Petunia noticed that after a while, the Death Eaters began to look more afraid than malicious. She felt wary too.

Soon, the battle seemed to draw to an end; Severus's new anger helped him to quickly defeat all of the men, leaving some of them fallen, and the rest of them leaving, dematerialising into thin air. She couldn't believe how fast it had all happened. It was almost as if his outrage had given Severus a boost in power.

She saw him eventually turning back to the shack is dismay, after the last of the men had dematerialised. It was now completely engulfed in flames and quickly burning to the ground.

Petunia rushed up to him at once, "Severus!"

He looked surprised as she ran into him and hugged him hard. "Petunia? I thought you were going to–"

"Did you actually think that I was going to leave you alone like that?" She wiped some of the tears off her face, glancing at the house. "Oh, Severus...–"

"It's alright," he said quickly. "I needed a new place anyhow, remember? It was...temporary. And as for my things…" He looked a little bitter. "I'll just have to go check and see if there's anything left to salvage,"

He cast a spell to put out the last of the fire, and then looked Petunia in the eye.

"Petunia, I need you to get to Lily. I'll be coming as well, alright? I have something to talk about with her, it's important,"

"Okay," she said uncertainly. "Will you be coming soon?"

"Yes, just after I check the damage of this place,"

"Okay," Petunia kissed him on the cheek, ignoring the rapid red blush that spread across his face, and then left at once for her house.

XXX

"Petunia?" Lily looked at her in astonishment. "Are you okay? We were worried sick. What happened to your clothes? Where have you _been_?"

Petunia was breathing hard, looking around the living room with raised eyebrows. Potter had visited, and he was standing near one of the sofas, looking at her in surprise. Lily looked traumatized.

"You just _disappeared_–"

Petunia tried to steady her breathing. "We...we can talk about this later...Um...Severus said he's coming…–"

"_What_? Why?"

"He said he had something important to tell you…"

Potter looked irritated. "Oh, come on,"

Petunia bristled. "If you have such a problem with that you can go sit in the kitchen while he's here,"

Potter opened his mouth angrily but Lily stopped him, looking irritated. "We'll have to suspend any questions until he comes, then,"

XXX

Severus knocked on the Evans's residence about half an hour later, biting his lip nervously. It wasn't long before Lily opened the door for him, her eyebrows raised warily.

"I know this is rather impromptu...but it's important,"

"Make yourself at home," the witch said in a flat voice.

Severus walked gingerly into the house, entering the warm living-room. He allowed himself to smile slightly at Petunia, who was sitting on one of the sofas, next to Potter.

He suddenly raised his eyebrows. _Potter_ was here too?

The bespectacled man suddenly stood up, looking unwelcoming and menacing. "_You're_ back,"

"That I am," Severus sneered at him. "Why don't you sit back down and not embarrass yourself...this won't take long,"

The other man hesitated for the fraction of a second, but then relented and sat back down. Lily finally walked into the living-room, looking exasperated.

"Okay," she said. "Can I finally have an explanation?"

Severus settled down into one of the couches as well, taking a long, deep breath. He had no idea how he was going to get them to believe him...or even to trust him.

"...I'm here because I have some bad news for all of you," he began.

Potter's eyebrows shot upwards and Petunia looked confused. Severus swallowed hard and continued wearily, "There...there is soon going to be a war…"

Everybody flinched. He looked up to see Lily looking very, very startled at his announcement.

"How do you know about this?" She demanded.

"I...let's just say that I got some inside information,"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Potter said at once, looking suspicious.

"That's not the point–" Severus said.

"Actually, it is. Are you trying to say that you–that you got this information _first_-_hand_?"

Severus didn't meet anybody's eye, flushing slightly. "Any ties I had with anyone are broken,"

"Wait…Merlin!" Lily finally seemed to catch on. "Severus, you–"

"Nothing. There's nothing to worry about. As of now I have no allegiance with anybody,"

Potter still looked challenging, "And why should we trust you? You've all but admitted that you're in some shady–"

"You're just going to sit there and have a rebuttal to everything that I'm going to say, won't you?" Severus bristled.

"Maybe,"

"Then maybe you should just–"

"Both of you, pipe down! We have much more important things to focus on right now...Do you know anything else about this war, Severus?"

"I do. And I need you to...to tell Dumbledore all of this, because this concerns him too," Severus swallowed hard before continuing. "The Dark Lord has claimed that he wants to take over the Ministry of Magic, and...that he is planning to take over Hogwart too, even if he has to take on Dumbledore. It's a pretty dangerous situation and I think it may be necessary to, well, alert the Order so that they pre–"

"You know about the Order?" Lily looked shocked.

"The Order? Yes, of course I do. And I think this information would benefit them,"

"But how do you know all of this? This Dark Lord stuff?" Potter asked again.

"Inside source, I _said_,"

"Well, why are you helping us?"

"Because I am on your side," Severus said firmly. He looked at Lily, who was staring at him with a confused expression in her eyes. "And I want to help,"

XXX

When the meeting was over, Petunia walked over to him quietly, just as he was about to leave.

"Did you find anything?" She asked softly, knowing that Lily and Potter were probably watching them.

Severus turned around, his hand slipping from the handle of the door. "Not much. A couple of my books. Only a few of my clothes…"

"I'm sorry," she swallowed. "I know how hard you worked on that house,"

"How hard we _both_ worked on it. But anyway...It's alright," he looked at her closely. "And I should be the one apologizing. For everything. I haven't forgotten–I'll be making it up to you," He gently and nervously touched her face.

Petunia was quiet, relishing his touch on her cheek. She wished he would kiss her–but besides their company, she wasn't sure if that was possible. They still had some things to patch up before...before anything could be the same again.

"I...I think we shouldn't tell Lily or Potter the details of what happened today, alright?"

"I wasn't planning to, anyway. Lily'll go nuts if she finds out,"

Severus smiled slightly. "Then let's keep it between us. Everything. What happened today...and the Death Eaters. I need them to trust me, and if they know that I...well, they'll never listen to me. And it's important that they do, very important,"

"Alright," Petunia bit her lip worriedly. "Um...is the Death Eater threat gone now?"

Severus laughed shortly. "No. I'm in some pretty hot water right now. They'll probably be hunting me down as I speak,"

"_What_?" Petunia turned pale, looking aghast.

"Summary is, I've broken one of their biggest rules..._and_ I've quit. They won't rest until they've caught me,"

"Severus, Lily told me...that they say if those people keep their eye on anyone…"

Severus didn't answer, merely looked down at the floor. "I don't know anything, Petunia, but before...well, before anything happens I want this information spread out. So that they can prepare,"

"Nothing will happen!" Petunia said vehemently, which caused Severus to look surprised. "You'll be fine, Severus...you have to be,"

Severus's eyes flashed with some emotion she could not register. She wondered if things would ever be the same between them.

As if he could read her mind, Severus suddenly looked very nervous. He took a deep breath and whispered, "I care for you, Petunia,"

"I care for you, too," she mumbled, blushing.

"And I promise that you won't get into any of this...you have enough of your own to worry about without...this...this talk of war and–"

"I'm not worried," Petunia murmured. "You'll figure something out Severus, you and Lily…"

Severus smiled, and even though she was still conscious of their company, they couldn't help but keep each other's gaze.

XXX

"You should probably end whatever you have with Severus now," Lily said to her after James left later that evening. There were both making themselves coffee in the kitchen. "It's...dangerous now, Petunia. And I'm still rather sceptical about his "inside sources"."

"But he said that he holds no allegiance to anybody–"

"I don't know, Petunia, the fact remains that he _did_. Probably. But I'm glad he's on our side..._if_ he's telling the truth. And if he is, and if he really wants to work with us, then that's fine, more than fine...it's great. But Severus is still a dangerous person overall, at least for you,"

"Is it just because I'm a Muggle?"

To her surprise, Lily didn't deny it. "_Yes_, Petunia, don't you see? He can do _anything_. How will you defend yourself? Mingling with him…"

"Basically, I shouldn't want to be with a wizard? I should be dating someone more like _me_, isn't that it? Lily, just because I can't do magic and I'm useless and all that, doesn't mean I'm _overwhelmed_ by him or anything."

"Petunia, I never said that…"

"I know what I'm doing, alright? I don't want to talk about this," she said shortly, and Lily huffed but fell silent.

Petunia angrily started mixing her coffee. The truth was that she really _didn't_ know what she was doing. The past several months she had acted in ways she had never thought she could act in. She had done the most risky things, said the most vulnerable words. Befriending Snape, _dating_ Snape, mixing with wizards, people she had once despised...the danger she had just been through earlier in the day…

Petunia knew that things were more dangerous than ever, if there was talk of a _war_. She knew that the Death Eaters hated people like her, even people like Lily. But at the same time, even though she was apprehensive and frightened, she craved to be part of it, to be important.

She craved Severus, and even though he was far from perfect and stable, she loved him.

Petunia had, in these past months, seen who he was behind his harsh facade...seen that Severus was just as lonely and misunderstood as she was. Seen that he was someone who would do anything for those he cared about.

The only thing she was unsure of was how they were ever going to go back to how they were.

XXX

**April, 1979**

Severus tried his best to appease and 'make it up' to her all through April, until Petunia found herself getting rather amused by his attempts. They were so endearing, and she felt herself seem to want him even more.

Petunia had been rather reserved their first few meetings but had quickly seen his sincerity in wanting to patch things up.

Severus tried everything; from buying her small gifts, to taking her on walks, to readily listening to whatever she said. Petunia kept trying to tell him that she had more than forgiven him but he was still unconvinced.

There was nothing much to keep them apart now; no Death Eaters, no hidden love forget Lily. Petunia realized that everything really did happen for a reason. If the Death Eaters had never found out about them Severus may never have left them.

"You're still mad, aren't you?" he said to her sadly one day, while they were sitting together in the grass.

"No," Petunia rolled her eyes. "I forgave you long ago, I _said_, Severus,"

He bit his lip. "Are you sure?"

She laughed, "I'm sure,"

Severus paused and then angled his face, kissing her gently. Petunia's eyes fluttered close.

He kissed her for a few moments, before drawing away slightly and saying softly, "I missed this,"

Petunia felt the heat rising up in her face, and she struggled to control her blush. They kissed again, Severus pulling her close gently.

It was a little longer before he pulled away this time, slightly out of breath. "I've messed everything up, haven't I?"

"No, you haven't. I still…" Petunia trailed off, her cheeks blooming with colour and her eyes gazing down at the grass. "I still want to be with you, Severus,"

He laughed in disbelief. "If I were you I'd have gotten sick and tired of me by now,"

"I could never feel like that for you,"

He snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her against him. "I don't deserve your forgiveness,"

"Don't say that," Petunia sighed, even as she snuggled close to him, enjoying his warmth. "I just...I just wish that we could be together now. No more problems. No more fights or fallouts…"

"There won't be any of those. Not again. I promise," he said earnestly.

She smiled at him, feeling absolutely blissful and at ease. For several moments they simply sat against each other, enjoying the weather, when Petunia felt Severus shift, his face paling a little.

"What's wrong?"

"...I've just realized that I really need to start looking for a proper place to live in,"

Petunia flinched, paling too, "Gosh. I completely forgot about that. What will you do, Severus? Will–"

"You don't need to worry about it," He said immediately. I'll figure something out,"

But he looked like he didn't quite believe that.

XXX

How long, exactly, had it been since he had been kicked out? Nearly a year? Perhaps more? Would he be denied entry if he went now?

Severus was nineteen years old, he didn't _need_ to live with his parents. But after the unceremonious burning down of the shack, the least he could do was get some advice.

And so, Severus found himself going back to his old neighborhood, and knocking on the worn out door of his ancient, childhood home.

He waited.

And waited.

But nobody answered.

Sighing, he turned the handle experimentally and was very surprised when the door gave way easily.

_It's unlocked?_

Severus walked inside, peering around. There was a sense of nostalgia in the air. He could see the small living-room with the musty sofas, empty bottles stacked against the shell, and the door of the kitchen ajar with the stove bare and empty.

As he walked further inside, he got the increasing feeling that the house was empty.

"Hello?" He called out reluctantly. He started to go upstairs but there was no one there either. His parent's bedroom door was standing open.

"Have they gone out?" It seemed very unlikely, especially with an unlocked door.

He walked to his old bedroom and went inside warily. He was pleased to see that it looked almost exactly the same as when he had left it; Messy and small, with books piled onto everything and loose parchment littering the floor.

Eventually, Severus went back downstairs, strolling into the kitchen.

He was just about to give up searching for them when he noticed something taped to the fridge.

Severus faltered. He walked over carefully and examined it. It was a little note written in jerky, cursive handwriting.

Fifteen minutes later, he was sitting at the kitchen table, his head in his hands. The note had been from his mother.

His father had apparently run away for good, after a heated argument, and his mother had gone to live with her family, which consisted now only of her widowed mother, who had taken pity on her and let her in.

Severus cursed out loud. It had to be a joke, only it seemed like it wasn't. It was reality, and a horrible one at that.

He suddenly paused. There was one detail he was overlooking. If the house was abandoned, and no one was occupying it…

He could have it for himself.

XXX

"I'm going to do it,"

Lily flinched and looked up from her book to see Petunia, standing at her door and looking determined.

The younger woman carefully and deliberately put down the tome. "What are you going to do now?"

"I'm going to tell Mum and Dad," The blonde declared, even though her voice held deep nervousness. "About Severus,"

"Are you _serious_?" Lily sat up in horror. "Petunia, isn't it too soon t–"

"Lily, you know I can't hide it from them forever. Eventually they'll want to know where I keep going out to…"

"But what if they don't accept it?"

Petunia froze, swallowing. "Well...then...I…"

Lily raised an eyebrow.

"I really don't know,"

Lily scowled at her, "That's what I mean. There's going to be a major argument, I'm telling you,"

"But you _know_ that I have to do this. Before it's too late,"

The witch simply looked bitter and didn't respond. Petunia sighed.

"Will you help me?"

"And why should I? You _know_ how I disapprove of you being together with him,"

"Lily! This isn't the time. You know I can't help loving him,"

"And _you_ know why I disapprove anyway,"

Petunia looked helpless. "Lily, please. Not now. I'm wracked with nerves already,"

"Fine," the redhead stood up, resigned. "But if I do this... you owe me big time,"

"Oh, I'll do anything," Petunia's voice was filled with relief.

"Come along, then,"

XXX

Lily was right, there _was_ an argument.

And Petunia was losing.

There was almost no convincing her parents, and her father was the worse of the two.

"But why _him_, Petunia? He is a wizard, and has always been _Lily's_ friend. What's he to do with you?"

"My stars, I would never have expected this! _Snape_? What is so special about him?" Her mother demanded.

"You should be with somebody more like you, Petunia. Not a _wizard_...How ever will you adjust?"

"I'm not helpless, Dad!" Petunia turned a bright scarlet. "I can do whatever Lily can, I'm _not_ weak,"

"Weak? This isn't about being weak,"

"On the contrary, that _was_ one of your points," Petunia snapped.

Her father looked angry, his mouth opening and closing but no sound coming out.

"I'm sick of you two treating me differently from Lily. And just because Potter's rich and established doesn't mean Severus is any lesser than him! You don't _know_ him. You don't even know _m_–"

"_Petunia_," Her mother began dangerously.

"I know I'm going to get into trouble for this but I'm an adult now and I can make my own decisions. All I wanted to do was tell you two. And I have. You can't stop me from doing anything or loving who I want."

There was a silence. Lily looked pale and frightened. Her parents' faces were stony, but hurt. Petunia was slightly out of breath; she didn't like speaking to them so, but she also felt wronged and betrayed. There were so many years of pent-up bitterness for their treatment towards her.

Finally, her mother sighed, "Petunia...I can't imagine why you're so angry at us…" She carried on before Petunia could reply. "And we've always loved you just as we've loved Lily. We're sorry you feel we are treating you differently, but that was not what we meant. We just want the best for you, Petunia, and we think Severus _isn't_ that,"

Petunia blinked back tears. "All I want to do is what _I_ fancy for once," While Lily had been allowed and given freedom and adventure, Petunia had always been cooped up at home, suffocated and forced to go on with her dull, daily life.

"But why _Snape_, Petunia? Why him?" Her father was now croaking. "We know you're not helpless but...why not a steady, '_Muggle_' man with a…"

"Because," Petunia said. "That's not I _want_. You tried to make me like Vernon but I didn't like him, Dad, I didn't. And you know I can't love someone I don't _care for,_"

There was another pause. Petunia felt extremely on edge and wished she could just run away.

"...It's been awhile since we've even seen him. He was always a polite child but...I never saw him as responsible enough to…" Her mother trailed off, forehead creased. "I see there's no convincing you right now, Petunia. And so we'll drop it. But that doesn't mean that this topic is closed. I think...it may be a good idea if we met him properly, right Joseph?" She turned to Mr Evans.

"W-what? What does that mean?" Her heart was hammering painfully in her chest.

"I mean, why don't we call Severus over for dinner and get to know him a little better?"

"You...you _don't_ mind us being together, then?"

"Of course we still aren't convinced...but we'd like to meet him even so…for impression's sake,"

Petunia smiled weakly at her mother and rushed forward to hug her while her father still looked grudging and bitter.

It was a start, and she would do her best not to ruin this chance. And so for now... "Thank you,"

XXX

The blonde-haired girl hugged Severus hard the minute she saw him, startling him out of his thoughts.

"They agreed!"

It took Severus quite a few moments to register her words. He looked down at her in confusion. "Your parents…?"

"Yes! I mean, not _fully_. But they did say they'll consider it,"

Severus laughed nervously, "Well, that's...that's good news…" He mumbled. He couldn't quite believe it. Why would the Evans ever agree to her being together with someone like _him_? He had always thought that they would want the best for their daughter and he...

"But there's just one catch…"

Severus swallowed. Of course. "And that is?"

"Well...The catch is that they've invited you over for dinner at my place. I have no idea what exactly they have planned but _please_ don't mess up,"

Severus went pale. "_What_? Petunia, I don't think–"

"Come on, Severus. You've _got_ to do this for me,"

"But–but…" he searched for any excuse he could find. A dinner with the Evans was nearly as bad as a dinner with Potter and his friends. He hadn't properly spoken to Lily's parents in years.

"You said you wanted to make it up to me, didn't you?" And now she was glaring up at him, her hands on her hips and her blue-grey eyes flashing. "Well, this is your chance,"

"Isn't there any other way I–"

"No. Either you come to this dinner, or I don't forgive you and we're done. For good,"

"Petunia," Severus murmured petulantly.

"It's your decision," She still looked stern.

Severus knew that he cared for her, and having her upset at him made him feel awful. But that didn't make it any easier.

He sighed deeply, and then grumbled, "For Merlin's sake...Alright. I'll come." He felt rather cross and put out.

There was a pause, and then her eyes softened and her lips twitched in a smile. Severus suddenly didn't regret his words at all as there was a sudden, swooping sensation in his belly.

"Good...and then you'll not have to worry about me being mad at you,"

"Does it mean nothing that I was simply trying to protect you?" Severus muttered.

"_Telling_ me about it would have been a hundred times better, you know,"

"But you would never have agreed,"

"That's besides the point," Petunia suddenly blushed and fidgeted with her skirt. Severus found it quite endearing.

"But I'm very thankful anyhow, you know? That you wanted to keep me safe…"

"I _do_ want to keep you safe. That's why I'm so worried about you getting mixed up in this war…"

Petunia stared up at the endless blue sky, looking thoughtful. "I'm not scared, Severus. You've never failed to save my life before, have you?"

When he looked like he was searching for an answer, Petunia reached forwards and kissed him softly and earnestly.

"I don't regret meeting you," the words were whispered sincerely and his heart swelled.

Severus was rather overwhelmed with emotion and couldn't formulate a proper response. He couldn't believe that a time had come where it was Lily's _sister_ who was making him feel like this. His hands slid down to her waist and he pulled her close. He could feel her soft breath against his lips.

When he kissed her next, his hands still holding her waist, Severus suddenly realized how natural this felt.

He _belonged_ here, with her. And there was no place else he'd rather be.


	21. Wistful

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the long time it took to update. School has been especially burdensome lately and I'm going to be having exams soon. I hope you enjoy the chapter. Please review.

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Twenty One**

**"Wistful"**

* * *

Severus hadn't even been this nervous before first going to Hogwarts.

Petunia had visited earlier to help him decide what to wear, before giving him a long list of things that could possibly tick off her parents. By the end of it, after futilely memorizing whatever she had told him, Severus had whispered, "I'm going to mess up,"

"No, you will not," But Petunia had sounded just a little uncertain. "Just be yourself,"

And now, several hours later, Severus was staring hard into an old mirror, in the corridor of his childhood house, feeling his heart thudding in his chest. He couldn't believe what he was going to do.

When later, he stepped out into the cold night air, closing his eyes briefly and trying to calm himself, Severus wondered if perhaps, for once, things wouldn't go that bad.

XXX

He arrived just in time, his heart in his throat as Petunia opened the door for him, her eyes glimmering with fear as well as amusement.

"You're here," she said softly, smiling up at him.

"I'm terrified," he murmured to her.

"You'll do alright," she said firmly. She looked rather pretty, but before he could mention it, or even complete the thought, Petunia abruptly pulled the door open.

Severus swallowed audibly, trying not to panic. He now had no choice but to step inside. He could hear her parents talking quietly further down the hall.

He had to exert extreme self-restraint upon himself to avoid fleeing.

XXX

Petunia was on pins and needles throughout the night. The dinner was ten times more agonizing than Potter and Lily's. Now it wasn't just about how annoying the two of them were–it was about her _life. _

"You have a part-time job at the Apothecary, you say?" Her father was asking sternly.

"Yes, I do,"

"And they–?"

"They produce potions and–"

"Oh yes, I know," Mr Evans cut across him. "And how about your…"

Her father had never looked more intimidating and Petunia was glad when her mother, after a little while, changed the subject to lighter issues, ones that did not include his life story.

"How do you like the food, Severus?"

"Oh–er, it's great–"

Petunia smiled tightly; Severus was trying so hard, it was adorable.

"...you're a good cook,"

Mrs Evans looked very pleased. "Why, thank you,"

"What about you?" Her father said out of nowhere. "What do you like to do in your spare time?"

"M-my spare time?"

"Oh, Severus likes to read," Petunia said quickly. "And...he's not a bad cook too,"

He shot her a thankful but confused look. Mr Evans raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, yes, I'm sure he loves to read! Always had a book with you when you were little, didn't you?" Mrs Evan said pleasantly. "And what a pleasant surprise! What can you cook?"

"Not much...Just the bas-"

That was when Mr Evans suddenly sat up straight, his hazel eyes narrowed. "That's all well and good but Severus, perhaps the most important question of all...why are you interested in Petunia?"

_Honestly? _Petunia flushed furiously, noticing Severus's cheeks pinkening a little as well.

"Because I care for her," he said after a while, with what seemed like difficulty.

"Do you? But were you two ever close before?"

"No. But we met after I graduated and…well…"

"That's not the point. It doesn't matter how we met or why we did," Petunia interjected a little hotly.

Severus was too flustered to continue, his blush deepening. Her mother came to their rescue.

"Severus was Lily's friend as a child, but of course he and Petunia must have gotten to know each other then too. Isn't it simply adorable?"

Petunia was very glad her mother did not remember all the insults she had spewed about him when she had been little.

"What about the fact that you're a wizard?" Her father asked suddenly.

Petunia felt a sudden jolt in her stomach. She couldn't believe her father would go there, and so brashly. She felt her ears turn red and her lips tremble. She had to look away.

Severus's voice was calm. "That is of little concern to me. It doesn't have to matter as long as we like each other,"

Taken aback by his firm words, Mr Evans was unable to speak for a few moments.

"How true, Severus," Mrs Evans beamed at him.

Still highly embarrassed and hurt, Petunia managed to feel a small pang of relief.

xxx

Right before leaving Severus privately kissed her on the cheek, something he didn't do very often.

"How was I?" He whispered.

"Amazing. Thank you so much, Severus,"

He smiled at her and then opened the door slightly. "It was nothing...I'll be heading out now. See you sometime soon,"

"You, too,"

When he left, he closed the door softly behind him, leaving Petunia feeling wistful and slightly sad.

XXX

They met after three days, in a quiet thicket nearby, where the trees obstructed most of the sunlight so that everything was nicely dimmed.

Severus was nervous upon seeing her, his hands twiddling with his jacket. He looked like he wanted to say something but couldn't.

Petunia smiled, and took a deep breath, "They said okay,"

Severus's face lit up at once, his tense shoulders relaxing in relief. "Merlin–how did I convince them?"

"You were so polite," Petunia said. "How could anybody find any fault with that?"

"This is great news," He exclaimed. "Now you won't have to risk getting into trouble anymore,"

Petunia blushed prettily. "Oh. Yes. But it_ was_ fun having that risk though, wasn't it?"

Something glittered in his eyes. He stepped towards her slightly and asked, "Have you forgiven me?"

"What? Of course,"

"Are you sure?"

"Y..yes," She looked down at the grass.

"Why doesn't it feel like it?" His voice contained both accusation and hurt.

Petunia swallowed, "I don't know what you mean,"

"I just feel that you're still upset with me. Reserved..." He bit his lip, "You're _not_ cross, are you?"

"No, I'm not, I promise," Petunia said, trying to suppress the growing heat on her face. She proceeded to defend her case, "I know you were only protecting me, Severus. Why would I ever be upset because of that? I should be grateful…"

"No, you shouldn't, because I failed, didn't I? You could have died. All because of me…"

"But I didn't,"

Severus's eyes were a little desperate when he looked at her next. "You _have _to forgive me, Petunia. Just this last once. I know I messed up, and it's not the first time, but I-"

Petunia's heart fluttered. "I do. I do, Severus,"

"And do you still want to be with me?"

"Yes. Of course. I would never want to leave you,"

They held each other's gaze. Petunia felt hot all over by his stare. There was a lull, and then he was stepping a little forward again and she was moving slowly towards him, and he had grabbed her by the chin gently and lifted it up so that he could kiss her, while she gripped the front of his jacket, floating off.

It made her remember their very first, proper kiss, how giddy it had made her feel, how strongly she had felt for him after it.

Severus parted his lips just a little from her's, and Petunia realised how she really couldn't live without him. And it was all her fault. _She _had gotten closer to him by her own volition and now she was paying the price.

Severus backed her gently against the tree trunk she hadn't known was there. Her hands gripped the back of his dark jacket as his hands wandered up her waist. When he kissed her again, she saw stars.

When they drew away she was breathless.

"You're not going to leave me again, are you?" She asked in a high voice, panting.

"No," his voice was rough, also breathless.

"_Promise?" _Petunia looked at him appraisingly, her eyebrows raised.

Severus's lips lifted up in a smile she didn't see often on him. "I promise,"

XXX

He could feel his breath catch in his throat. He still hadn't gotten over the feeling of being so close to her.

He cared for her so much it hurt. He knew he couldn't do justice if Petunia asked him to express how much he had missed her during the days they had been apart. He hated how dependent he had grown on her, how his happiness was linked closely to her's.

They were still kissing deeply, and his hands snaked up her blouse. He relished every hitch of her breath.

He felt her arms clinging around his neck, pulling him closer.

Severus didn't know when next he pulled away, but it felt like hours.

XXX

Petunia didn't know how long they lay there afterward, in the soft green grass, her body pulled close to his, his long arm around her.

Severus was quiet, contemplative, and had been so for quite a while. Petunia, who had never felt so close to him before, suddenly murmured, "What're you thinking about?"

"That I'm happy," he said in a low voice. She was very surprised by his tone. "...With you,"

"I make you happy?"

He turned his face to her slightly. "Yes,"

She couldn't help but smile at that, "And if I told you that you were the only reason _I _was happy too, would you believe it?"

To her amusement, Severus went brilliantly pink "Honestly?"

He sounded so surprised it made her heart ache. "Of course."

When they eventually managed to sit up, Petunia looked at him and said, "That's why, I can't bear to lose you,"

His hand rested on her bare leg and she couldn't help the little sparks that went up her spine.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't be," she said. "Just… just stay,"

XXX

**_A few days later…_**

"...But isn't that better?" Petunia asked him, still holding onto his hand. "A proper house instead of your old shack?"

"It doesn't hold very good memories," Severus murmured, as he led her up the neighborhood. "And it needs to be re-furnished,"

"Oh!" Her blue eyes lit up. "That's fun,"

"No, it's not, it's just extra, useless work," he muttered. "I swear I spent all day dusting yesterday...it looked like the place had been abandoned for _ages_,"

"You can't get to complain about work; you have a wand," Petunia said, frowning at him.

"I'd rather be doing something other than dusting…"

"What if I help? I love cleaning up,"

Severus gave her a strange look that made her blush.

"I mean...I like setting things in order,"

"You'll be fed up if you try to do that there," he replied, his shoulders slumped a little. "It's not like _your _house, it's all small and stuffy…"

"That doesn't matter," Her voice was oddly firm. Severus was surprised to note how her views had changed. "We'll make it habitable, you'll see,"

When they reached the small house at the end of Spinner's End, right at the corner of the street, Severus felt even more conscious than he had when he had first shown her the shack.

There was a pause.

"_What_? You spoke as if it was barely larger than a broom cupboard,"

Severus flushed. "The inside isn't any better,"

It was her turn to shoot him a strange look.

"Well, we better go inside before the neighbours get suspicious," He ushered her inside the house, undoing the lock with his wand.

They awkwardly shuffled inside as he closed the door behind them.

"This is it."

Petunia looked her fill, staring around. It seemed like an average, everyday house, albeit gloomy, stuffy and a little dim.

"Those are a lot of books," she commented, staring at the shelves.

"I haven't read them in ages," Severus said. "This is the living room, that's the kitchen...and here's the study."

After about ten minutes, he was leading her towards the stairs. "There are a few rooms up here as well,"

Petunia already had her foot placed on the first step, and they both climbed the dingy flight of stairs together.

Severus simply gestured at the doors, pointing out his parent's bedroom and the spare bedroom. But Petunia was eager to see _his _bedroom.

When he opened the door nervously, Petunia's eyes lit up. It was just the room she'd associate with him. Full of books, dimly-lit, and with a single bed, the only thing neatly made. The floor was littered with loose parchments.

Severus took out his wand and swiped it, the mess on the floor clearing immediately. "Well, at least this bed is better than the one at the shack,"

Later, when they had made their way back to the kitchen, a pot of coffee boiling on the stove, Severus struggled to make them something to eat as Petunia sat at the table, talking animatedly.

"And Lily said that she wanted to get married before the war started as there was soon going to be mayhem everywhere…But _I _think she's still rather young…"

"Well, she's right...it would be better to do it now, before the war starts," Severus said, as he took out two mugs from the cupboard. "...Than during all the chaos,"

Petunia suddenly looked thoughtful but didn't say a word, her cheeks going pink.

"Will...will there _really_ be no chance for them to marry if the war starts?"

"Well, it'll be very difficult. People won't have time to attend weddings, they'll probably be fighting or hiding, won't they?"

Petunia went redder and fell silent as he began to pour the coffee for them.

"Can't say I didn't see it coming," he muttered bitterly. "She seemed to hate him when they were at school, but maybe I was wrong,"

"She was probably just putting up an act," Petunia said aloofly. "Typical Lily," she took a sip of the coffee. "Oh, it's good,"

"It is?" He felt pleased.

Petunia nodded, taking another sip. "You know, Severus, this place isn't that bad. It's actually...well, cosy,"

"_Cosy? _That's the last word I'd associate with this place,"

"Oh, Severus,"

"I don't understand why I hate this house so much, but I do," he sighed. "But I'm the only one this belongs to now and it'll have to do,"

He took a sip of the coffee himself, watching as Petunia did the same.

XXX

Severus drew away from her slowly.

It had been quite a few number of days, and a lot of things had happened.

He had taken Petunia's advice and tidied up the house. The kitchen cupboards were stocked, the house had been dusted and swept and mopped until everything was shining, and Severus had taken it upon himself to slowly throw out everything that wasn't needed anymore.

He was starting to feel much better about the place and could tell that Petunia was too. He had never imagined she would be so eager to help in the cleaning; it was a job many people disliked, but Petunia seemed to enjoy it.

"It's starting to look good, isn't it?" She had asked, after they had shoved out extra chairs from the living room into the spare room.

"It is," He had said, his voice laced with disbelief.

Severus had placed several wards on his house, protection spells against the Death Eaters. He was prepared to fight them if it proved necessary but he knew that he had to do everything he could to protect Petunia as well.

"You want to protect me?" Petunia had asked amusedly when he had explained all the spells he was using to ward the little house.

Severus had flushed, "Well…Yes. I don't want you hurt,"

That had got him a gentle kiss on the cheek and Severus had gone scarlet, while wondering what else he could say to please her like that.

"Severus?" Her soft voice brought him out of his thoughts. She was sitting against the headboard, with her hands around his neck. He leant forwards and kissed her once more, this time languidly and lazily.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing," he said in a thick voice when he drew away. "Just thinking that I want you to stay here with me all day,"

Her breath hitched and he knew her answer before she could even say it, "Alright,"

Severus smirked, and kissed her rewardingly.

"But only till sunset," she added when they drew away. "No use aggravating my parents when they've only just agreed…"

"No," Severus agreed, only slightly disappointed. His hands casually went to the front of her shirt, unbuttoning it slowly.

As he started to reach the end of her shirt, he pressed his lips to her mouth again.

She gasped against them as his hands roamed higher, against her skin.

"I love you," She said breathily, as his hands reached under elastic and cotton.

Severus opened his mouth but try as he might, the right words did not seem to come to him and despite the pleasure, he felt a sense of guilt weighing down on him.

XXX

Later, shirt buttoned haphazardly, Petunia smoothed down her skirt and opened the door of the little house, looking back at him with a look full of adoration.

"You'll be safe, wont you?"

"These wards could stop anybody, there's nothing to worry about,"

"Right. Of course. But still…be safe, alright?"

"You, too."

She swallowed and then looked at him shyly. "Severus I...I…"

"I know," He said softly. "Me too,"

Petunia turned pink, startled, and Severus couldn't get the image of her surprised face out of his mind even after she had left.

XXX

It wasn't that bad living in Spinner's End again, after all.

Petunia was a constant companion. Their romance started to feel fresh again, just as risky and exhilarating as it had felt before.

But as time went on, Severus started to find her behavior a little perplexing.

She started to talk a lot about Lily's wedding, stressing on the point that the war would start soon and that she hoped Lily would get settled before that.

He wondered if she was trying to see if he still had feelings for Lily, but it didn't end there.

Severus even spotted her looking at him wistfully sometimes, almost sadly. It made him feel put out. Was something really wrong?

And then, one day–

"Severus,"

"'Mm?"

"Lily seems so happy,"

"I'm sure she is,"

"She's going to have a family,"

"Hmm," Severus said, even though his heart twinged a little. "Lucky her,"

Petunia looked at him but didn't reply.

XXX

"Do you know?"

"What?"

"Potter's got Lily this house all to themselves in this "Hollow" place,"

"Godric's Hollow?"

"Yes,"

"I recall Lily saying she'd like to live there,"

"And now she is. With Potter. Together,"

Severus looked at her puzzledly, eyebrows raised.

Petunia flushed, looked irritated. "Oh never mind…"

XXX

The days flew by and her behavior still remained quite odd. Petunia would talk about Lily's imminent wedding often, and then talk about her having a family, about _everyone _soon having a family.

Severus wondered, more than once, if she was trying to send him the signal that he was tying her down, stopping her from marrying and settling down like she so obviously wanted to do.

It didn't hit him until then that that was probably exactly what Petunia wanted. A steady, married life. They couldn't keep dating forever. He hadn't ever thought their relationship would one day have to end and it hurt him to think she would break it off with him.

_Of course. It couldn't have lasted. She...she has her whole life in front of her. I don't know if I'll even survive this week...if the Death Eaters really are after me…_

It infuriated Severus to think of her moving on, loving somebody else. He hadn't thought he would grow to be so possessive of her but he _was. _He felt both jealous and possessive, but wasn't about to tell her about it.

XXX

One day, Petunia's parents had to go somewhere and phoned in later saying that they'd be sleeping over at the guests's place.

At 7 o'clock, while he was cooking himself a meal, Severus heard light knocks on the door.

"Petunia?" He asked, startled upon seeing her on his doorstep.

"My parents have gone to stay somewhere overnight,"

"And?"

"Lily's fled to Potter's, leaving me alone in the house. I don't want to be the only one stuck there. It's scary. I'm sleeping over,"

Severus went red. "W-what? Petunia, are you sure?"

"Why? Don't you want me here?" Her eyes narrowed.

"What? No, it's not that, but won't you get into tro–"

"For somebody who joined the Death Eaters," she said. "You play things way too safe. I won't get into trouble, of _course, _because no one's going to find out. Besides, what's the big deal?"

"Come in, then," he said bemusedly, his pride slightly wounded.

Petunia dawdled a little. "You don't _mind_, do you?…"

"Of course I don't," he said, rolling his eyes. "It's just…never mind, just get inside, it's cold,"

Petunia hugged him briefly, then walked inside eagerly. "Oh! What's for dinner?"

"It's nothing special. Just some–"

But she was already in the kitchen, standing by the stove. "Ooo, soup,"

"Do you want some?"

"Yeah,"

Severus filled her a bowl and then they sat down at the table, content.

XXX

"What do you mean you'll take the couch? We can share the bed," Petunia insisted.

"But–" his ears were red.

"Oh, please! We've shared a bed once before too, remember, at the shack? I don't want to sleep alone,"

"That was different,"

"What? _How?"_

"I don't know," he huffed. "It just was. Your father-"

"Is never going to know! Unless you're planning on telling him…"

"Don't be ridiculous. You know what? Fine. Whatever. I give up,"

He used his wand to open the door to his room, then transfigured his bed to a larger size.

When they lay in it together, later, the moonlight streaming through the window and Petunia's eyes dropping, Severus felt his blush finally ease off.

This wasn't so bad. It was...comforting. The bed was large enough to accommodate both of them comfortably, and the silence was soothing.

Until Petunia whispered, "Severus?"

Severus looked at her in the darkness. She had pushed herself closer to him, and he felt something stir in his heart.

"Yeah?"

Petunia shuffled a little, nervous. She swallowed. "Can I...ask you something?" Her voice was thick, slurred with sleep. He wondered if she was fully aware of her words.

"Go ahead,"

She bit her bottom lip, eyes heavy and only half-open. "Would you do anything for me?"

He was surprised. "Why do you ask?"

"Tell me,"

Severus pressed a soft kiss against her forehead. "I would,"

Her breath hitched. Still whispering, she said, "Then wouldn't it be nice if we...settle down?"

"Settle down?" He felt the breath knocked out of him.

"Yeah. Live together. Be together," her sleep-slurred contained a bit of excitement.

"What are you saying?" Severus's voice was no longer a whisper.

"I… I want you to marry me,"


	22. Commitments

**Author's Note: **I am SO sorry for how long I took to update this story. I was hit with the worst case of Writer's Block. Please review! :)

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Twenty Two**

**"Commitments"**

* * *

Severus looked at her in pure horror, his cheeks splotched red. He couldn't even speak, all he could do was stare at her, his heart beating out of his chest. He couldn't have heard that right…

"I don't understand,"

"It's like you said. There's a war starting soon. Everybody's getting settled down. Things won't be the same when it starts…And I want to be with you,"

"You _are_ with me. Right now."

"I know I am. You know what I mean. I want to _be_ with you, Severus. Live with you. Spend my life with you,"

Severus struggled to sit up, even as Petunia lay on her side, her eyes still half-open.

"...That's what I've been wanting to say for so long,"

"Why? _Why_ would you want to be committed to me like this?" He demanded.

"Because…" She swallowed, searching for an answer. "I want to,"

He didn't say a word after that. They dissolved in silence. Eventually, after a while, Severus eased back onto his side and pulled the covers over him. Petunia had closed her eyes and was breathing slowly, deeply.

She had fallen asleep.

Severus wondered if her words had been sleep-induced, not very sincere and something she may regret in the morning.

But they surely set him thinking.

All night.

XXX

The next morning, as the soft sunlight streamed in from the window, Severus, who had had very little sleep, nudged her awake.

Petunia shifted, her blonde hair covering half of her face. "Go away,"

"Wake up. You'll be late–"

"Oh, who cares," she said irritably. "_Lily's_ always late,"

Severus rolled his eyes, used to her constant bitterness towards her sister. He sat up and looked down at her. He didn't know if she remembered last night, but he did and he wished he could stop thinking about it. It made him feel anxious, made him worry.

_Why me?_

"Will you make me some coffee?" She asked. "While I try to get up and get ready?"

"Whatever you say," he said sarcastically.

Petunia struggled to sit up, her hair messy but still managing to make her look endearing. She sat cross-legged on the bed, smiling at him. "Sorry. Thank you for having me, by the way. It was very nice of you,"

"It was no problem,"

She cocked her head to one side. "You seem worried,"

"I–" she honestly seemed to have forgotten everything. "It's nothing. I'll be downstairs,"

XXX

Petunia felt her heart thud in her chest as he left the room. It all suddenly came back in flashes. She remembered her words last night, as sleepy as she had been. It all came back in a rush, making her shiver. What had she done? She was an _idiot_.

She struggled to find her shoes, comb her hair, wash her face.

Nervous to go downstairs, Petunia delayed time by combing through Severus's room, finding stacks of books, several old quills and filled in parchments. She took a deep breath. It didn't matter. It wasn't like Severus remembered what she had said anyway.

She'd never mention it ever again.

XXX

Severus cared for Petunia, but marriage was a foreign concept to him. It wasn't the idea of living with her that was daunting but the fear of her growing tired of him. He felt she was making a hasty decision in wanting to have anything to do with him.

He was bad-tempered, his magic was volatile when he was angry, he was stubborn, spiteful, unyielding.

Not good enough.

She'd be fed up within a week, and leave him for good.

And Severus wasn't like Potter. He wasn't like most of his old roommates. He wasn't the type to marry and have a wife. After losing Lily, he had resigned himself to a single life, and not minded it to the extent he had thought he would. He had grown used to the idea of living and working in solitude.

He couldn't imagine himself marrying. Not even a little. And worse, he couldn't imagine them not getting along. His parents hadn't gotten along. His mother had been miserable and detached. What if Petunia became like that too?

XXX

Petunia felt helpless. She couldn't stand listening to Lily talk of her wedding anymore. If wasn't fair. _She_ should have gotten married first. And if things hadn't changed, she would have been.

_To Vernon_, she thought with disgust.

But it was clear Severus didn't want that. And why had she thought he would? Her expectations were sometimes too high for people. She felt guilty for even bringing up the idea. But she was now at a loss. She couldn't stay unwedded for the rest of her life. She wanted a family. What would she do?

XXX

"How's this dress?" Lily pointed at the frilly white gown in the magazine.

"It's too flouncy. Don't you think something sleek would look better on you?"

"It would?"

"Yes. You'd look beautiful," her voice was wistful.

"Hmm...should I ask James what he prefers? I bet he prefers sleek too,"

"You do that," Petunia sighed heavily and looked away. She was in Lily's room, watching the witch decide her wedding dress. It was torture, and it made her heart ache.

_There are other things besides marriage, Petunia. A job. Traveling. Leaving this old town and moving somewhere I don't have to remember…._

"And what about my hair?" Lily lifted her wand and twirled it, so that her head sported different hairstyles every time she moved her wand.

"That bun. It's very elegant,"

"I like it!" Lily exclaimed, patting her dark red hair. "Oh thank you, Petunia,"

"You're welcome," Petunia sighed.

XXX

**A few weeks later**

Petunia found forgetting what she had asked him more difficult than she had thought. Her mother spent hours on end helping Lily with the wedding preparations and her father would thumb through magazines, looking for different decorations from chairs to tables to flowers.

Petunia knew her mother looked at her dolefully once or twice, wondering when _Petunia_ would decide to settle down now that her college, too, had finished. But not a word was spoken, and as usual, all attentions were on Lily.

Petunia sometimes felt, along with the wistfulness, a sharp jab of envy as she watched the going-ons...but she kept her mouth shut too. It was her sister's happy day. They shared their differences but she couldn't let her pettiness destroy everything.

Her mood was off for a while, and Severus noticed it.

"You seem cross. Is everything alright?"

"It's fine," she muttered.

Severus raised an eyebrow, eyes still on her face. "Are you sure?–"

"I'm sure. I'm fine, alright?"

"No, you're not," he scoffed. "And you're going to tell me why," He reached for her hand.

"Why don't you just quit it?" Petunia snapped, pushing his hand away with her own. In the motion, Severus could grab her elbow and he did, pulling her closer.

"Let go!" Her eyes narrowed up at him.

"Aren't you grumpy today?" His voice was half-mocking, half-lighthearted and Petunia suddenly felt prickly.

"You're such a prat!" She said, futilely trying to pull away from his strong hold. Severus did not let go. Instead, he bent his head and kissed her, and she was too startled to do anything but stand there, her bitterness still a lump in her throat.

"You… you…" she couldn't find the words, as he drew away, and she was sure they wouldn't make an impact anyhow, not with her scarlet, burning cheeks. "You're a git,"

"Never denied it," he looked vaguely amused.

She turned away, still seething.

"Petunia," Severus's voice was concerned now. "Are you sure it's nothing?"

"Yes,"

"We...we could go for some ice-cream at that Muggle store...if you want,"

"Stop trying to cheer me up," she scowled. "You hate Muggle stores, I know that. I don't understand how you don't hate _me_," And perhaps that was the main reason for everything...why he wasn't marrying her. Because she was a Muggle!

"Hate you?" He sounded surprised. He walked over, coming face-to-face with her. "What are you talking about?" He tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

She looked up into his eyes, still frowning.

"I would do anything for you," he murmured.

"I would, too," she whispered. "But…"

"But what?"

"But nothing," she sighed. She had sworn to forget about it and stop being so foolish.

"Do you want me to prove it?"

"Prove it? What do y–umph," Her eyes fluttered close as he kissed her suddenly.

They had scarcely drawn away when Petunia felt Severus kiss the part where her neck met her shoulder, her legs getting a little unsteady.

He kissed her again, a series of kisses that left her breathless and made her see stars. Petunia was breathing hard by the time their lips parted from each other's and his head had lifted.

"Convinced?" He asked.

She laughed shakily, trying to settle down the blush which had spread all over her face. She was.

XXX

Severus trudged along the lanes of Diagon Alley. It was early, and he wished he was back in bed, asleep, and not walking towards work.

_Better than the Death Eaters...right?_

_Besides the fact that the Death Eaters hadn't had such early shifts…_

What was he thinking about?! Of course it was better than the Death Eaters. Anything was. They had nearly murdered Petunia and Severus still couldn't shake off the feeling that it had been a close shave.

As he walked, he noticed something he had never noticed before...couples.

Severus had hated them before meeting Petunia, but it wasn't all that striking until recently. He could see them walking along together, some holding hands, some talking to the other, smiles on their faces. And then Severus noticed a couple with several shopping bags. They were laughing, and the woman had her head on her partner's shoulder...and a young child holding onto her hand.

Severus went red, and looked away, his mind immediately recalling the incident many days prior…

Petunia asking if he would marry her.

He clenched his fists and continued walking. He had promised himself to stop thinking about that.

His eyes couldn't help but stare at the couple however. They seemed happy. Happy to be in each other's company. Happy to be _married_.

_But that man deserves to get married. He can probably support her. He isn't like me. Volatile. Hot-tempered. Unworthy. Poor..._

By the time he had reached the apothecary, Severus was flustered and miserable.

XXX

After a while, Severus made his first casual visit to the Evans's residence, albeit on Petunia's insistence.

It was a disaster.

Her parents were not home, but Lily was, and at first it took all his efforts to avoid her.

Petunia, at first, insisted that they go up to her room, her cheeks a little pink. Severus was about to hesitantly agree when Lily overheard their conversation.

"Won't you guys have something to eat first?" Her voice was very tight. "I made you both some coffee,"

Severus was startled, and very wary. Lily seemed to not want them alone, and when Petunia looked annoyed but agreed, she smiled in relief.

They walked into the Evans's kitchen. Severus sat awkwardly next to Petunia, who was looking at her redhead sister suspiciously.

"Here," Lily poured them both cups of steaming hot coffee and then levitated a bowl of homemade cookies. Severus picked up his mug warily.

The witch sat down in one of the chairs, picking up a cookie and looking at the both of them with a look that was clearly calculating.

"Well. How's it going?" She asked with little enthusiasm.

"Fine. Why are–" Petunia began.

"That's great!" She said hurriedly. "And what's new? Severus?"

The table was soon filled with uneasy small talk until Lily finally said casually, "And how have you been lately, Severus? Still keeping up a facade?

Severus knitted his brow in surprise. "What do you mean?"

"Lily," Petunia flushed, looking furious.

"This...whatever you're doing," she said. "Don't you think it's getting old now? Leave her alone and end this charade, Severus, you're not convincing anybody,"

Severus felt his blood run cold. "You don't know what you're talking about," He felt his temper rise.

"Don't I? Can't you think about anyone but yourself? Don't you care about Petunia's safety? There's a war starting and…"

"Lily, shut up!" Petunia had stood up. "Stop treating me like a child and leave him alone!"

"What are you trying to say?" Severus asked in a low voice, trying to keep a level head.

"You know very well! Just leave her alone,"

"I've heard enough, Lily," Petunia's voice was angry and dangerous. "What do you want?"

"I'm just doing this for your safety,"

"I thought you were finally supporting me–"

"Yes, well, but then I realised just how dangerous this all i–"

"How can you have the gall to give anyone relationship advice when you're dating Potter," Severus sneered.

"James again!" She snapped. "Why don't you leave him alone for once?"

"Lily, I can make my decisions for myself. Come on, Severus, let's go,"

"Petunia, you're acting foolish, and need to snap out of it," Lily stood up too. She reached in her pocket almost like she was reaching for her wand.

Severus stood up too now, furious. "You're acting unreasonable and insufferable,"

"That's it!" Lily snatched out her wand.

"No!" Petunia cried.

Severus, in his panicked state of mind, nearly grabbed his own wand out of his pocket until small hands jerked him back harshly, and he stumbled, looking back to see Petunia, looking aghast and angry.

"No. No, just stop," she looked like she would cry. "Please, Severus, let's just go,"

Lily looked a little surprised now. Her wand hand slumped to her side. "I wasn't going to hex him, Petunia. I-I just got angry,"

Petunia simply shot her a dirty look and pulled Severus away with her. "I'm too tired to even fight with you, I'm fed up," she hissed as they left the kitchen.

"Petunia," Severus's hand reached for her face. "Calm down. It's alright. Lily and I haven't gotten on for a while. It's nothing,"

"I know it hurts you. But it...it hurts me more," Her voice cracked. "Why doesn't she trust me?"

"Let's get out of here," Severus said quickly. "And get you some fresh air. It's not a big deal. Come on,"

He struggled to lead her out the door, so the two sisters could keep their distance for a while. Petunia had gone pale and looked as unenthusiastic as Lily had been while trying to make small talk.

XXX

She was crying and he hated it.

They were sitting in a green alcove all by themselves, the trees shading them and the grass soft.

He had known she was crying the second she turned her face away and looked down at the grass, shoulders trembling slightly.

"Petunia. Please," He reached for her and did something he had never truly done before. He pulled her close comfortingly. "It'll be alright,"

"I thought she finally respected my choice. She was the one who helped me talk to mum and dad. But...but she…"

"It's not about you," he said in a level tone. "It's about me. She hates me,"

"Oh, Severus. I really feel the two of you should get some...closure,"

"Closure," he mused, a little sadly.

"Yes. Because neither of you are willing to forget, are you? At least...she isn't,"

"You're right," But it wouldn't be easy.

**May, 1979**

The sky was rather dark when Severus looked up to see, realising their walk had gone on for too long.

It hadn't occurred to him to walk her back home and he mentioned this to her, a little worriedly.

"I know," Petunia took a deep breath, looking up at the inky, starry night sky. "Isn't it beautiful?"

"But you're supposed to be home by now,"

"Mum and Dad will be back by tomorrow,"

"But it's still late, and dangerous,"

"Oh, Severus," Petunia's eyes were wide. "Let's keep going. I've always wanted to take a nighttime stroll. It's going to be fun. Let's just keep walking. Please,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she urged.

He bit his lip, thinking it over. "Alright…"

Her small, soft hand reached for his and she sidled up to him, resting her head against his shoulder.

He turned to look at her, cheeks slightly warm. However, his tenderness was soon replaced by fierce, yearning lust. He saw her look up at him and he bent his head and kissed her softly.

They continued walking, Petunia flushing. She soon started to look up at the sky, which was dotted with stars.

"It's so beautiful…" she whispered, even though there was no one about. "And so peaceful,"

"Hmm. Where are we headed to?"

The streetlights had been guiding their way but they were soon walking in different territory. There was less light to help them.

"I don't know. Just–ah!"

"What? What is it?" Severus demanded, jerking her back by the hand.

"No. Nothing. Just a cat,"

He drew in a breath sharply. She needed to stop terrifying him like that.

They walked further, and the calm, eerily quiet atmosphere soothed them. Severus felt liberated as the night air rustled their hair, the sound of their footsteps the solitary noise.

Eventually, they walked over to a bench sitting on the pavement. Severus sat down, as Petunia stood in front of him.

"It's a little eerie, isn't it?" She whispered.

"The quiet?"

"Yes. It seems like everyone is asleep,"

"Most of them are,"

She smiled. "I suppose it's worth it, even if Lily gets worried,"

He didn't want to talk about Lily. Not after their argument. He pulled her forward so she was sitting on his lap, and kissed her.

"What if someone sees?" She whispered against his lips.

"I don't care," he kissed her again, his hands gripping her by the hips.

The softness of her lips and her warm body pressed against his sent all other thoughts away from his head.

Eventually, when they were tired from all the kissing, Petunia snuffled into his chest sleepily. It felt familiar and meant to be, her hands around his neck, searching support, her head buried in his crook of his shoulder.

It felt natural, their teamwork, them being together.

His hand carded through her hair, as he kissed her on her head protectively.

"It's late,"

"I know. And I would still stay here with you, even if it was midnight. Or sunrise,"

"You would really stay that long?" He asked amusedly.

"I would stay with you forever, Severus. Live my entire life with you," and then she fell silent, almost as if she had been hit with a spell.

Severus had a sudden flashback to when she had first spoken to him like that, told him she had no qualms spending eternity with him, living with him…being his wife.

"You're happy?" He asked in a soft voice, in a daze.

"I am," Petunia said in a low voice, still uncomfortably rigid. His arms went round her, trying to console her. He felt her shift on his lap and then look at him nervously. "I am," Her eyes were shining with determination, and Severus felt speechless at that moment.

He looked into her eyes and murmured, "I am, too,"


	23. Her Happiness

**Author's Note: **I can't apologise enough for how long I took to update. I promise to have fast updates up now. This chapter is small, but it's all I had written and I wanted to publish it. I hope you guys enjoy it. It's finally happening, after over twenty chapters.

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Twenty Three**

**"Her Happiness"**

* * *

Even after he had walked her back home, watched her sneak in carefully and disappear, Severus felt like he had been hit in the stomach with something. He couldn't suppress it anymore. He couldn't stop wondering about her demand.

When he went home and settled in bed that night, he couldn't sleep.

_We're happy together._

_She's happy with me._

_She wants it._

He thought to when he had fantasized about marrying Lily. This had been back in Hogwarts, before they had fallen out. Severus had dreamed of having her to himself, of living with her, being close to the only person he had ever loved.

Then why was he so hesitant about Petunia? Was it because marrying a Muggle was something he had never imagined himself doing? Or was it because he was not ready to commit to something so big, to take such a great responsibility?

There was a war starting soon. Was this truly the time to be thinking of such things and bringing her into such dangers?

Yet, Petunia wasn't a little girl anymore. She couldn't wait the rest of her life for him to grow a backbone. He knew she didn't want to stay unmarried forever.

Severus thought about it all night. He thought of Petunia, of the meals they cooked together, of the conversations they held in private, of the way she made him feel.

He thought of making her happy.

Suddenly, that very thought held all priority for him.

_I want to make her happy._

And Severus made up his mind.

XXX

He knocked on the door, fidgeting uncharacteristically. This was going to be so very difficult…

Lily opened the door, and she was just the person Severus had wanted to see.

She opened her mouth in surprise but Severus overrode her.

"Let me in. I want to talk to you. It's important,"

"What do you want now?" Lily looked bewildered.

"It's about Petunia,"

The redhead's eyes narrowed. "I swear if you hurt her…"

"No. May I come in?" His patience was already slipping.

Lily hesitated. Then she moved aside, giving him room. "Make yourself at home," she said bitterly.

XXX

"I...I'm sorry. For our previous argument. I lost my temper. I didn't mean to insult you, or aggravate you further. On my part, I apologise,"

Lily's face was stony. Eventually, she let out a deep sigh and let it out, "I'm sorry too. I went too far. I should have realised that Petunia can take care of herself. That she … though I still doubt it … knows what she is doing. I … I shouldn't have said those things to you,"

"Apology accepted. I hope we can move past that now,"

"We can," she said, regarding him curiously.

"Good. Because...I...I have something to ask you,"

"Ask me?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Rather, tell…I...er…"

"You're worrying me,"

"I want to marry her," he blurted it out, going scarlet, horrified and surprised at his words.

Lily jerked upright, her green eyes flying open wide. "You _what_?"

Severus swallowed, his throat bobbing. "And she wants it too… but I haven't said anything to her,"

Lily was still in a state of shock. "Are you being serious?"

He sighed, irritated. "Yes, Lily, I am,"

"This…I can't…" Lily closed her eyes tightly. Her head was swimming with panic and horror. Severus and Petunia...Severus with Petunia…

"_Why do you act like I can't make choices on my own?"_

She felt her face flush. She knew Petunia was her own person but...she couldn't help but be protective! Dating Severus wasn't a joke! And marrying him _certainly_ wasn't.

Lily knew it would make her happy. She knew Petunia loved him more than she had ever seen her sister love anyone. She knew her sister had fallen for him for reasons other than his appearance, had begun to care for the person inside. She knew in the way Petunia spoke of him, reacted whenever he was mentioned, smiled whenever she saw him.

"If you hurt her," Lily looked at Severus with fire. "I will never forgive you. In fact, I'll kill you. You're only going to do this if you're serious about it,"

Severus looked surprised. "I am,"

"I know she'd want it. Well, I'll have to ask her myself somehow, but...right. It's not a small matter, however, Severus. Marriage is something else. You don't have to rush into it just because…"

"I understand," he said. "But…" he looked down at the floor, feeling his cheeks redden. "I've thought about and I'm sure now,"

Lily didn't answer. She looked at him, her eyes for once, softened.

"Will you help me?" He looked back up at her, biting his lip, still flushing.

Lily couldn't believe her answer even as it fell from her lips. "Yes,"

XXX

"Er, hey," Severus was very surprised to see James Potter, looking at him awkwardly, with his hands in his pockets.

"Potter? What do _you_ want?"

"I..well, er, Lily told me you that wanted to marry her sister,"

Severus went red, "What's it to you?"

"I...Well, she asked me if I could offer you some advice. And...I couldn't quite get out of it,"

Severus laughed mirthlessly. "I don't require _your_ assistance," Even if he was completely clueless about what he was supposed to do now. He had tried to find some information on how to ask her, and if he should just spring the question or draw it out.

"Look, this was Lily's idea, not mine," Potter scowled. "And I promised her I'd help you so quit making this harder for me,"

"Well, you can go back and tell her that I refused," Severus snapped.

Potter took a deep breath, almost as if trying to control his temper. "Look, Sn–ape…I'm just here to help. I know you're clueless about all this, and Lily thought it would be a good idea if I gave you some … tips. I don't know. I know we're not exactly friends–"

Severus snorted.

"But let's just get this over with, alright?"

"And how exactly are you going to help me?"

"Well...for starters, do you know when you're going to ask her?"

"...No," Severus admitted. "When should I? When is it too soon?"

"I had an idea, you see...Evans's birthday is a couple of weeks. It's the perfect time to spring the question on her,"

Severus paused, almost in awe. That did sound like a good idea…

"Are you sure? Isn't it a little quick?"

"You don't have to get married the very next day. It's an engagement,"

"Alright. I suppose you're right. Er, thank you…" he flushed a little.

"No problem," Potter smirked a little. "And as for the next thing, have you gotten her a ring yet?"

Severus flushed a richer shade of pink. "Ring?"

"Yes, a ring. How exactly were you planning to propose?"

"Where do I get one from?" He was so clueless about all this! Maybe he had needed Potter's help after all.

"There are lots of jewellers around town. Hey...say we go check one out right now? I'll tell you the kind of ring she'd love to have. I've got experience. Lily loved her's,"

"Why are you doing this?" Severus felt the need to ask him, still a little suspicious and wary of his former school rival.

"Mostly because Lily wanted me to. And also because I think it's time we both...tried to settle our differences,"

Potter didn't look entirely convinced of his statement.

Severus stared at him in bemusement.

"Ever since the incident where you–we–accidentally hexed Evans, I've been thinking about it...And maybe we should try to–?"

"I have no desire to be friends," Severus's voice held steel. "But I understand your reasoning in not wanting to fight every time we meet...As long as you do not provoke me, I will be civil,"

"It's a deal," Potter said, tipping his glasses back up his nose. "Well? Shall we go?"

XXX

Severus was almost overwhelmed by the glittering jewels laid before his eyes.

It was a Muggle shop, selling rings and necklaces and jewellery of all varieties. It reminded him of the hourglass jewels back at Hogwarts.

"What we're looking for," James said. "Is a diamond ring. Not too big. Just the right size,"

"Petunia likes sapphires," Severus remembered, murmuring.

James looked deep in thought. He looked through the rows of rings in the cases beneath the glass.

"This one?" He pointed at a small-ish ring after a long while, with a clear diamond in the center, with a thin ring of blue sapphire surrounding it. It was beautiful.

"It's perfect," Severus said. "But–I don't know how much it costs…and no," he said, looking at Potter's face. "You're not paying for it, nor is Lily, not even a little. I'll figure something out. I'll work extra shifts or–"

"Snape," Potter said. "Don't worry. The rate of Muggle money to Galleons is pretty low. It's a galleon to fifty bucks, or something,"

"I know," Severus could still remember his mother converting the little money they had to galleons, at Diagon Alley, when he had been little. "I...appreciate all the help you've given me," It left a little sour taste in his mouth, but it wasn't as bitter as he had been expecting. "Thank you,"

"Heh," Potter said, grinning. "Don't mention it,"

XXX

Severus worked hard until he had all of the money and more. He worked until he came home tired and lethargic, yet satisfied, evoking curiosity from Petunia. He worked until he could buy the ring and keep it safely with him.

Soon, the days raced by until the day of Petunia's birthday dawned nearer and nearer. Severus faced several sleepless nights thinking about it, imagining all the ways he could mess up.

And then, it was the day.

Petunia spent the first part of the day with her family. Severus was invited, and he arrived a little later, not wanting to interfere.

As he sat with them, watching Mrs Evans cut and hand out thick pieces of cake to everyone, and Mr Evans give Petunia her present, Severus almost felt...secure. Included and part of it.

He was horrified at how at ease he felt.

"I have a present for you too," Severus murmured. He saw Lily shoot a glance at him from the corner of his eyes.

"You didn't need to," Petunia flushed a little.

"You can spend some time with Severus, Petunia," Mrs Evans said, smiling a little knowingly. "But be back in the evening for your dinner. We'll be going out,"

"Thank you, mum," Petunia looked gratified. She grabbed his hand and almost immediately led him outside, after saying goodbye to her family.

Severus soon took control, and steered them towards the direction of the city.

"Where are we going?" She asked him.

"To celebrate your birthday," Severus replied. "I know where to take you. Come on,"

Petunia followed him, looking eager and slightly curious.


	24. The Best Birthday

**Author's Note: **It's finally here! Please comment and tell me how it was. I apologise if this chapter is a little short and a little rushed. I also have one question I'd like you all to answer: how graphic would you like me to go regarding Petunia and Snape? Are any of you uncomfortable with scenes too graphic? Or would some of you like me to be more explicit? And if so, how much?

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Twenty Four**

**"The Best Birthday"**

* * *

She was still laughing long after the joke's humour had died off, as they walked together down the pathway, holding hands. Severus had treated her to lunch and the most delicious meal she had had in a while, and Petunia was surprised because this was most unlike him.

Yes, he had changed, but he still avoided Muggle areas. And his demeanour was different as well. He had an air of suspense about him, and she could almost see the awkwardness behind his cheerful countenance.

It made her feel a certain disquiet.

"Thank you for the treat," she said. They had hung out for an hour or so after the meal, which had been enjoyable for reasons other than the food, and now seemed to be heading back home. Severus's hand that was holding hers, suddenly tensed and gripped tightly, before relaxing again.

"It was nothing," he murmured, his dark eyes downcast. Petunia felt utterly confused.

She was even more confused when he did not take their usual path back to her house. Instead, he led her inside the Playground, somewhere she hadn't gone since his impulsive confession to Lily, ages ago.

She felt stiff, but Severus kept leading her on until they stood by the tree where they had once sat against last summer, where she had kissed him suddenly before running off in fear at the look on his face.

"I know this isn't the most glamorous of places," the sky overhead was darkening. It was evening time; they had spent a lot of time together today. She worried what her parents would say–she had promised to be home before dark. "...But I honestly couldn't think of anywhere else. And this felt a little … appropriate,"

"What do you mean?" She felt her voice take on a hushed tone in the increasing darkness. Was he going to kiss her? But he was never this dramatic about it…

"I…" Severus was scarlet, beads of sweat forming on his forehead, looking more nervous than she had ever seen him in her life. He took a long, deep breath. "I…"

"Severus?" Petunia was beyond terrified at this point.

There was a pause, and time suddenly seemed to slow down. She could later describe the scene, even years later, word for word. How the sky had looked, how the grass had smelt, how she had shrieked, how his eyes had filled with surprise and nervous joy at her reaction.

Severus suddenly made an odd movement and slid down to his knees… in the way… in the way you did when…

Petunia went white.

His hands slipped into his pockets and grasped something.

No.

"_Sev_–"

And he pulled out a glittering ring, his face still bright red.

"I'm not sure if this–if this is exactly how you do it. But... Petunia Evans, would you…would you m–"

Petunia fell to her knees and lunged forwards to hug him so hard, that he fell backwards, his back hitting the trunk of the tree. He held her bemusedly as the ring fell into the grass beside them, looking alarmed at her tears.

"You prat," she whispered in his ear. "Of course. Of course I will. You don't even have to ask,"

He looked at her, a faint blush across his face. She reached forward and kissed him faintly, feeling overwhelmed.

Severus's hands cupped her face and he kissed her deeply, until she was short of air. And when she pulled away, he pulled her back and kissed her again, his hand sliding to her waist and gripping possessively.

They drew away quietly, Petunia still in his arms. Severus looked towards the fallen ring and grabbed it from the grass, taking her hand and putting it on.

"Do you like it? Potter helped me choose it for you," Their faces were so close she could feel his soft breath on her's. The closeness made the moment even more intimate.

Petunia laughed, looking at it with adoration. "It's beautiful. Thank you. This… this has been the best birthday ever,"

He chuckled nervously, as they both got to their feet.

"Severus, are you…are you sure?" Despite her emotion-filled voice, she couldn't help feel insecure. "I mean...I don't want to–"

"Nonsense," he said. "I've thought about it. You know I don't rush into things like this. I want this. I did this for you,"

Her cheeks were red. "You won't get annoyed by me? You won't hate it when I'm always on your case? You won't grow tired of me?"

"Of course I won't, don't be thick," he said a little sternly.

Her heart swelled. She couldn't believe it, she couldn't.

XXX

"Looks like someone had a good time," Mrs Evans grinned at her as Petunia entered the house, barely able to believe what had happened to her insignificant, dull, ordinary life.

"Oh, I did," she said wistfully. Severus had promised to come over and tell her parents the very next day. He expressed his concerns on their opinions but Petunia did not want anything to take away from this moment.

Lily looked at her knowingly, and Petunia went up to her privately later, after the birthday dinner.

"You knew, didn't you? You and Potter helped him?"

"Yes," Lily said shortly.

"I thought you didn't approve,"

"I'm still not entirely sure. But you were right. This is your life. And I just want you to be happy. Just know that if anything happens, I'm here,"

"Thank you," Petunia reached forward and hugged Lily for the first time in years.

Both sisters were shocked at this move and Lily felt her eyes prick.

"Oh, Tuney," she said softly. "I'm happy for you. Please stay happy,"

"And you too," Petunia said sincerely.

XXX

In the end, her parents agreed. Her father was the more difficult of the two. He asked petunia if she knew what she was doing.

"He's a wizard, Petunia, and according to what Lily told me, will fight in whatever battles they have coming up. Do you want to risk this? You are disconnected from their world,"

Petunia had, on the contrary, never felt more a part of the magical world than now. She knew more than she had ever known, and was exposed to even more.

"I do know, father. I promise you Severus is responsible and I'm happy with him,"

Her mother asked her if she was ready for such a big commitment.

"Don't make decisions you might regret later,"

But how could Petunia ever regret something like this?

Even Lily offered a word of caution.

"Are you sure you're one hundred percent ready?"

"More,"

The discussions were settled, and after immense debate, Petunia's parents finally let their daughter make her decision.

She could marry Severus.

"When?" She asked him, after all the humdrum had vanished.

"Soon,"

"I want it as soon as possible. No extravagant functions. No hundreds of guests," it was a strange arrangement–she knew her relatives would be confused at her choice.

"I'll try to make it as soon as possible. And yes, I'd like that,"

XXX

The next few weeks Petunia had _her_ wedding to think about, instead of only just Lily's. She spent time choosing _her_ dress and _her_ hairstyle.

She kept the ring safe and guarded it with her life. One day while regarding it fondly, she realised that it was true.

Good things really did come to those who waited.

And now waiting was the only thing she had left to do.

XXX

**Mid-July, 1979**

It was a small function. As per both their wishes, there were not a whole lot of guests.

Her parents attended. Lily attended. Even Potter, who still couldn't believe Severus was getting married.

Everyone else who attended didn't know Severus, had never heard about him from either of the Evans but wished Petunia the best of luck.

The function didn't last very long either. There were refreshments, and food, and a pleasant air of chatter, but after the promises, which were said to each other in private, away from everybody else, it wasn't very long before they were heading home.

Petunia reflected on how much she had changed. No longer was she the skinny, angry little girl who hated magic and Lily's kind, and was filled to the brim with bitterness and resentment. No longer did she hate Severus Snape and find him abnormal. No longer did she pine after him either, wanting his attention.

Now she was older, maturer, and completely in love with him...about to marry the spiteful little boy from Spinner's End that she had loved to hate.

Petunia had changed.

And it was a big change.

Lily hugged her as hard as she could, her tears soaking through Petunia's simple, white dress. Severus, whose face was flushed permanently faint pink, could not even look at Petunia, and was scuffing the ground with his boot.

He had honestly grown to care for Petunia more than he had ever cared for anyone, but even he found all of this difficult to believe.

Petunia was shyer than usual as well. They waved goodbye to the guests, and then left.

Petunia linked her small hand in his and didn't say anything, as they walked outside for a bit, very quiet.

"Umm…I…"

Severus looked at her curiously. "What's wrong?"

She was red in the face. "Severus...I…wanted to ask you something,"

Still walking, he said, "Go on."

"I...would you do something for me if I asked?"

"I would do anything for you," he said earnestly. "What do you want?"

Petunia flushed an even deeper shade of red and looked down at her feet as she continued to walk. "I...um…"

"Tell me, Petunia," Severus was looking at her. "You don't have to be like that. I promised, remember?"

Her face scarlet, Petunia finally mumbled something.

"W-what?" Severus was confused.

"I said wouldn't it be nice if we had a family?"

Severus stopped short. His face was pink. Petunia bit her lip hard.

"A...family?"

"Y-yes," she stammered. "I would want that more than anything in this world. A family with you," A _baby_ with him.

Severus looked deep in thought, still pink.

A little while passed by in silence.

"I'm sorry," she said. "Of course, if you don't–"

"Hey," he murmured. "I said I'd do anything, wouldn't I? If that's you want, then I agree,"

Petunia's face flushed with colour and she could hardly contain her happiness. "You mean it?"

"Hmm," he said, squeezing her hand. "Let's go home,"

"That's what we were doing," she said laughingly.

Severus only gave her a mysterious look. He pulled her closer to him and Petunia gasped as she suddenly felt a strange sensation in her stomach.

They were apparating again!

XXX

After the experience, Petunia collapsed on the ground, shocked to see that they had suddenly arrived in Spinner's End. Severus pulled her up. He was apologising about something but she could barely hear him. She was suddenly extremely nervous. This was her first day as a married woman. She had married him. She had married Severus.

And now she had chosen to live with him. _Be under the same roof as him._ She could barely believe how much things had changed. Yes, she had loved Severus passionately but … but being his wife. This was going to be awfully exciting, yet terrifying.

Severus was suddenly looking at her in a way that sent shivers up her spine. She looked at him too, and they locked eyes with each other. The tension in the air was palpable. She raised her face, her lips close to his. Both of their cheeks were stained pink as their lips moved closer to the other's, their eyes closing.

Suddenly Severus pulled away, leaving her confused. "Not here," he said, and he led her to the house.

The door opened. The newly renovated and now much more cheerful and cleaner-looking house had never seemed so inviting.

Scarcely able to wait, Severus kissed her against a wall. They staggered through the living room, towards the staircase, still holding hands. Halfway up the staircase, Severus kissed her again. Petunia was flattered. She felt desirable, and also extremely impatient.

They drew away again, Severus pulling her up the staircase once more, his breath harsh. They trudged towards his room.

Severus's lips found her's again, just outside the door. His face was pink as he pressed her against the wall.

"I love you," Petunia whispered.

Eventually, they opened the door to the room and sat on the bed, still kissing deeply.

He pushed her onto her back on the bed, his long dark hair tickling her face as he continued to kiss. Then he drew away.

Petunia's face was flushed as his hands roamed to the straps of her dress.

He looked at her questioningly.

She nodded in confirmation, her face warm enough to cook something on.

He tugged her dress downwards, until it was a tangled mess at her feet.

Her fingers tangled in his hair, pulling. His lips travelled down her collarbone.

"Severus," she gasped.

But he kissed her quiet.

XXX

Later, Petunia woke up with a start.

Light was streaming through the open window. She looked around her, confused. This wasn't her room.

Nor was it her bed.

Petunia began to grow aware of her surroundings. The books piled high on the desk, the neatly swept floor, the parchments stacked on the bedside table...and the long arm round her waist.

Petunia was pink. She poked her head out of the blanket, blushing as she realised Severus was fast asleep next to her, holding her with one arm. Memories of yesterday came flooding back.

She struggled out of his hold, wanting to stand up, and in that managed to wake Severus up.

His eyes fluttered open, glancing at her in bleary confusion.

"Petunia," he said in a voice thick with sleep, "Where are you going?"

"Getting you breakfast," she said meekly.

"Don't be silly," he said.

"But you must be hungry," She insisted. She was just shifting out of the covers when she went red, realising something.

"Come back," Severus insisted, who was dressed in a simple dark T-shirt, eyes still drooping. "You don't have to,"

"Could you hand me my shirt?" She muttered, a little embarrassed.

Severus looked at her in confusion, and then grabbed his wand from the bedside table. The shirt came zooming towards her.

Petunia pulled it on and, thankful she was halfway decent again, got off the bed and went towards the door.

Severus still seemed incapable of moving, and within minutes was snoring again. She bit back a smile and went outside. She really needed all her clothes if she was going to be living here. In the little house she and Severus had both decorated together.

She tugged at her short skirt gently, looking at it with disdain. Perhaps she ought to go home and get her things now.

But first…

Petunia rushed to the kitchen. She was eager to please Severus, and she knew breakfast would make him happy. She felt more and more like a wife as she fried the eggs, and buttered the toast.

Eventually, as she started to cut off the crusts, Severus padded into the room, barefoot and yawning, his hair messy.

He looked at her in surprise.

"You don't have to cook for me," he said. He had memories of his mother working and obeying his father and the man never being satisfied, and always having something harsh and abusive to say. He couldn't bear her doing anything for him. That was _his_ job.

"Don't be ridiculous," she snapped. "I love cooking for you,"

Severus walked over to her slowly, and kissed her cheek.

"And I love you,"

The knife fell from her hand and onto the slab. She was white, her entire body going entirely still. Severus had...Severus had never, ever said that to her before.

"Petunia?" His voice was nervous.

She turned around and looked at him. "You-you do?"

He looked surprised. "I thought that was obvious last night,"

Her cheeks flooded with colour. "I…but you've...you've never really…"

He looked sheepish. "I'm sorry. I...sort of felt compelled to say it now though,"

She reached forward and hugged him hard. She had never felt so at peace before.


	25. A Lull

**Author's Note: **Please comment! :)

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Twenty Five**

**"A Lull"**

* * *

She woke up to his face buried in her hair, his arm slung around her possessively.

Her life wasn't the same anymore.

She woke up to the enjoyable prospect of cooking for him, making the eggs just the way he liked them, before he joined her in the kitchen, brewing them both warm, dark coffee.

She started to anticipate every kiss, every shared affection. For the first many days they spent their time together, going out together, watching the sun dip behind the clouds in the evenings.

She made him install a television set soon thereafter. She was surprised when he knew what it was.

"I lived in a Muggle house," he said, as he tried to make sense of all the wires and circuits. "But I didn't really enjoy watching it,"

"You're not going to make me adjust _too_ much to wizarding ways, are you?"

"Of course not. I wouldn't expect you to," he said seriously. "All you'll have to adjust to is me,"

She laughed, "And you to me,"

Sometimes an entire afternoon would go by and they'd have done nothing except lounge around at home, perhaps snogged a little, and then spent their time reading or taking a nap.

And then one day this carefree routine changed.

"I'll be back in the evening," Severus kissed her on the cheek and headed for the door.

"What? Where are you going?" Petunia was confused, her hand stilling over her breakfast.

"To the apothecary. I've finally gotten a regular position. It's a decent job, for now,"

"A...job ?"

Well, wasn't it what husbands did?

"Yes. You didn't think I'd spend all day doing nothing, did you? I'm not going to be like that. I have to support you—us,"

"But…" Petunia hesitated. She was proud of Severus for wanting to earn but what would she do all day then? She had grown so used to his constant company. That was what marriage had meant. Constant togetherness. "But what will I do?"

He looked at her with concern. "Well...whatever you want to,"

Petunia didn't say anything and later, when he had left for the apothecary, sat down heavily on the living room sofa. Just yesterday she had been so glad to have him to herself all day...and now she was alone, with an entire day to fill.

She could do chores; cleaning, cooking, the groceries… They were things she enjoyed doing, and was good at.

But Severus had already taken care of so much. All he did was swipe his wand and the clothes were washed and folded, the rooms were swept, and the food was cooking on the stove.

She had very little to do.

_How can I be a proper wife if I don't have anything to do_? she worried. She had to contribute somehow. Severus was being too kind to her. She felt useless.

She stood up and walked towards their bedroom. She felt a twinge of resentment as she surveyed the carefully made-up sheets, the immaculate positioning of the pillows and blankets. Severus was so lucky to have a wand.

She sat on the bed, feeling restless. She scavenged through the drawer, looking for something to distract herself, and found an old picture, hidden under several parchments, caked with dust.

It was of him and Lily.

The picture tell to the floor. She tried to steady herself as horrible waves of insecurity washed over her.

She hated being a Muggle. She wasn't good enough for him. She could have helped so much more if only she wasn't so _ordinary_.

_Don't be thick. Those days are over. I'm not going to think like that anymore. Severus loves me, and that's enough._

She wandered out of the room, and down the corridor. There were a few more rooms, but they hadn't known what to do with it. She flushed as she had an idea, but pushed it aside. She was so fanciful sometimes.

Petunia went back downstairs and strolled towards Severus's well-stocked bookshelf. She took out one of the volumes and settled down on the sofa. Well...it would do for now.

XXX

"Petunia," He said, as she threw her arms around him, kissing his cheek. "How was your day?"

"How was yours?" Petunia didn't want to tell him about how insignificant she had felt all day. "How was work?"

"It was good. I missed you," He said as the door was closed behind him and they walked further inside.

"I missed you, too. I've made you something good today,"

"I'm not hungry just yet," Severus said honestly. His hand reached for hers and pulled her close to him. "Let's go upstairs,"

She felt her cheeks warm. "Are you sure? You should have your supper,"

"I'd like something else a lot more," He said, kissing her ear.

"You're a tease," she blushed furiously, as she pushed at him.

"Alright then," he said, smirking. "Forget I said anything. What did you make?"

Petunia's mouth was left agape. She couldn't believe him—dropping the subject like that! Feeling a little nettled, she led him to the kitchen.

She opened the oven and brought the meal to the table.

"Shepherd's Pie," Severus said eagerly, his voice carrying a tinge of longing. "Thank you,"

"No problem,"

Petunia brought the plates to the table, and then the pie. She started to reach for a knife, when Severus, unable to wait, snatched out his wand and sectioned some of the pie into two equal parts. One piece landed gently onto her plate.

Petunia's eyes were wide as he started to eat his own slice.

"This is wonderful," he was saying. "Better than Hogwarts, I swear,"

Petunia sat down, quiet. She began to eat too. She didn't listen to much of Severus talking until—

"...I met Lily in Diagon Alley. She was asking how things were. I told her they were good,"

"You met Lily?"

"And she asked how you were too. I said you were happy. You are happy, aren't you?" Severus looked at her for reassurance, smiling. But Petunia had known him for very long now. She could see the hesitation and fear in his dark eyes.

"I am," she said, but a part of her wanted to tell him of her predicament. She wanted so badly to do something for him, but her capabilities were so limited.

He looked relieved. "I was wondering if you felt cooped up in here,"

"We go out often,"

"If there's anything you need…You just need to ask, alright?"

"Yes, I know," she said. She continued eating and polished her plate. She stood up, just as Severus helped himself to another slice. She took her plate to the sink and started to wash. A few minutes later, she felt Severus put his arms around her and bury his face in her shoulder.

"Severus?"

"Do you sometimes feel like...whatever you do for someone, isn't enough?"

Petunia was startled. "What?"

"You deserve so much more. I'm doing all I can think of, but it still doesn't seem to be enough,"

"It is enough. There is nothing more you could give me. You're enough for me,"

"Come upstairs," he insisted.

"After I wash up," she said.

She felt him reach for something and started to protest, "No—"

But it was too late. Severus had already twitched his wand and the plates, glasses and cutlery on the table all flew to the sink, were washed and scrubbed within seconds and then deposited carefully in the cupboards.

Petunia felt upset, almost on the verge of snapping. No, this was all wrong. She wasn't supposed to feel like this anymore. She had finally accepted magic. Now she felt she was back on square one.

Severus didn't notice her anger. He thought he had helped; He tried to steer her out the kitchen and up the stairs.

But Petunia was miffed. Even as they approached their bedroom and even when they were inside, with the door closed behind them.

They eventually found themselves on the bed. "Missed you," Severus murmured against her lips.

She kissed back, then made a noise of surprise as he pushed her against the headboard.

She didn't quite feel in the mood. She didn't react when he kissed her neck. Her blouse was unbuttoned. He was reaching for the back of her bra.

She waited for him to unhook it, but he never did. Instead, after a few moments, Severus withdrew his hands and backed away from her, the warmth of his body disappearing. She looked at him in confusion.

"What's wrong?" He asked seriously.

"N-nothing," she said. "What did I do?"

"No avoiding the question. I can tell when you're upset,"

"I'm not," she protested. "I'm completely fine,"

"I know you better than that. Are you unhappy? With me? With anything? Did I do something wrong?" He looked at her with hurt and accusation.

"Gods, Severus, no! I'm not unhappy with you! I'm unhappy with _myself_," She snapped. She suddenly felt _awful_. She had just snapped off to him. She was the worst, most undesirable wife in the world.

Severus was pale. They sat in silence for a little while.

"I'm sorry, Severus," Petunia said. "I'm sorry for speaking to you that way. I didn't mean to shout at you,"

"Don't apologise. Just elaborate," he said quietly. "Why are you upset?"

Petunia bit her lip. Could she really tell him? Would he understand? Would she sound ungrateful and stupid?

"I'm a bad wife," she whispered. "You're so brilliant, Severus, your magic is so powerful. You don't need me. I can't even cook or clean, because you have everything covered. You tell me I don't have to do anything for you but I _do_. I can't find myself of any use. Why are you saddled with me anyway?"

There was a little silence as Severus gazed at her pure bewilderment. Petunia felt her cheeks warming up in humiliation.

"That," he said softly. "Is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Petunia, you do enough. The only thing I could think about all day was coming back home to you. You make me happy. Isn't that enough?"

She started to say something but he hushed her. "You put up with me. You do your best to take care of me. What more can I ask of you? You shouldn't feel like this. I promise I feel indebted to you enough,"

"Oh, Severus," her voice was thick.

She reached forwards and hugged him, "I love you,"

He kissed her cheek in response.

"Won't you say it too?" She whined.

"I love you, too,"

Petunia relaxed, relieved.

XXX

Severus woke up most mornings feeling a little bereft. Her slim arms would not be curled around his neck, nor would her head be resting on his chest. She'd be gone and the bed would be cold.

He'd dress and find her in the kitchen and enjoy the breakfast she never failed to cook for him.

And then he'd leave, reluctantly leaving her alone, receiving her goodbye kiss and blue, adoring eyes, and heading out.

As he brewed and chopped and stirred in the apothecary, he kept wondering about his new life. How he had gotten so lucky. What he had done to deserve such contentment.

When, tired and hungry, he returned home in the evenings, it took only one look at her sweet, welcoming smile to revitalise him.

"Severus," she said.

And every time when he kissed her deeply, trying to communicate his feelings, he felt it wasn't enough. He felt like his long hours weren't nearly adequate for the blissful dinner she made for him, and then her slim form scrubbing his dishes and asking how she could relax him.

Some evenings she would work the tension out of his shoulders with her fingers, massaging.

"Better?"

"Lots," he would murmur.

And other evenings they'd sit on the sofa and watch TV, and then suddenly, instead of leaning against his shoulder, she'd be moving into his lap, and kissing him.

And he quite liked her in his lap. They'd kiss for what seemed like hours.

Meanwhile, news from the Dark Lord started to pour in. He had killed these many people, he had tortured these many more...someone he used to know was dead, another one had been in a duel with some Death Eaters…

He spent long hours training. He spent time reading up on spells, and trying them out. Severus wanted to keep his wife safe. He found these steps necessary.

He started to ward the house even more, and sometimes he and Lily practised together, trying out new hexes, discussing the recent casualties.

Once Potter offered to train with him as well.

"I don't know," Severus looked at him with mistrust.

"Come on, Snape. We've moved past that. Heck, you're even married,"

"Just this once, then," Severus conceded, hoping the man wouldn't pull any tricks on him.

And so, he felt his rocky feelings towards Potter stabilising, getting better. He was almost surprised to find himself making small talk with him sometimes.

"How's your wife?"

"She's well. How's your fiancé?" Severus would smirk, and Potter would tell him that Lily was doing fine as well.

"What are you going to do about this war?"

Severus looked surprised. "What do you mean?"

"You're planning to fight alongside us, aren't you? On the Light side,"

"Of course,"

"Then join the Order,"

Severus flinched. "The Order of the Phoenix?"

"Yes. We'd like your help. It's like they say...strength in numbers,"

"I'll have to pass,"

"Why?"

"There'll be a racket if a Slytherin joins. Let's face it, I won't fit in with you Gryffindors. I'm not welcome there,"

"You're on our side,"

"But I am not in your circle. I'll think about it when the lot of you learn to be a little less immature,"

XXX

**Mid August, 1979**

Petunia wiped her lips, trembling and straightening her back.

She had been feeling awful all week and recently had started feeling nauseous. She felt gotten sick about four times today.

Petunia also felt awfully weak, uncharacteristically frail. Severus wasn't home either. She didn't know what to do. She didn't want to worry him but she did think she'd come down with a horrible flu.

Drinking small sips of water, Petunia wondered if she dared rummage through Severus's potions drawers to find a cure.

"You'll poison yourself," he had once told her. "You don't know what they do. Just ask me for them if you need it,"

She didn't want to risk making herself feel worse. She thought for a minute and then suddenly had a thought.

XXX

"Petunia!" Lily hugged her so tight she could hardly breathe. The redhead pulled back and inspected her.

"What the heck happened to you?"

"I'm a little sick," Petunia murmured. She had just been to the local grocery store, and back, and had then found herself compelled to run over to her old house. "Can I sit down?"

Lily hurriedly led her to a sofa. She levitated some refreshments from the kitchen onto the coffee table.

"I missed you," Lily said, sitting down next to her. "You should visit more often,"

"I'm sorry, I was just so busy in the new routine...How are things then?"

"Things are just fine. But tell me, how are things with Severus, Petunia? Does he treat you well?"

"Severus is wonderful," Petunia said, taking deep breaths. "He's ever so caring, Lily. In fact…" she paused, fighting down a blush.

"Are you okay? You seem pale…"

"No," Petunia admitted. "I've been sick a lot this past week. And I've even felt light-headed once or twice,"

Lily looked at her with a look Petunia couldn't understand. "Why didn't you go to a doctor?"

"I didn't think I needed to. Um, Lily...I have...I have something rather startling to tell you,"

"...Yes?" Lily looked concerned. "I hope everything's okay,"

Petunia took a long, cleansing breath. "I went to the grocery store today and bought myself a test,"

"A … test?"

"A pregnancy test," she murmured, feeling she cheeks light up again.

Lily went white. "Oh Merlin. Don't tell me. What did it say?"

"Erm...well…"

"Petunia!"

"...It came out positive," Petunia whispered, feeling extremely overwhelmed.

Lily let out a shriek and stood up. She was panicking. "Merlin, Petunia! Don't tell me! _Really_? You and Severus…" she went red. "You two are having a baby?"

"Calm down, Lily, it's honestly not helping with my nerves,"

"Do you want a baby?"

"Yes," Petunia said. "More than anything. I really wanted this but I'm so scared. And I'm also scared about telling Severus,"

"Did _he_ want it?"

"I...He told me he didn't _mind_ having a family," Petunia said.

Lily, meanwhile, could scarcely believe her old friend _Severus Snape _had managed to get her sister pregnant. It was absolutely unbelievable!

"This is going to be amazing," Lily told Petunia supportively. "Severus's reaction will be priceless,"

XXX

Petunia waited restlessly on Lily's couch, unable to keep still. Her sister was pacing around, looking deep in thought.

"So…what are you going to name the baby?"

"Lily! I don't know. I can't even believe this...this is happening," Petunia felt her eyes prick with tears.

"Don't be scared. You'll get through it. Everyone does,"

"But...but...what if…" What if something bad happened? What if it was too good to be true? What if Severus was taken aback and felt _he_ wasn't ready?

There was a knock on the door, abrupt and panicked.

Lily rushed to open it, and Petunia buried her face in her hands. She was so, so scared.

There were footsteps and Petunia looked up. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw Severus, looking at her anxiously, black hair windswept, clad in dark clothing as usual.

"Petunia," he walked towards her. "Are you okay? I was so worried when you weren't home,"

"I left a note on the fridge,"

"I was still worried. What's wrong?"

She swallowed hard. "Oh, Severus. I don't know how to tell you," She had no idea how he'd take the news. She wanted it to be good news, a celebration. But what if he was unhappy?

"Tell me what?" His voice held an edge.

"I…" Her mouth went dry. Behind them, Lily looked at her encouragingly, flushed for some reason.

Severus was started to look a little nettled, his brows knitted. "Petunia, tell me,"

Petunia looked at Severus with as much courage as she could muster. His dark eyes were as unreadable as ever but Petunia was close enough to not be intimidated by that anymore.

"I think...I think I'm having a baby,"

His face lost all colour. For a few seconds, he could hardly speak, his eyes widened. Petunia felt her heart thump wildly.

Eventually, Severus sat on the sofa next to her silently and gently took hold of her hand.

"How do you know?" he asked softly.

"I bought a test from the grocery store,"

"Petunia...I…I didn't realise it would happen so soon,"

She looked at him with horror. "You...you don't…"

"No," he said. "Of course I do. It's just that... I'm just so surprised. I don't know what to say. I can't imagine it,"

"Nor can I," it was finally hitting her. Being a _mother_. A child with _Severus_. A baby. It was everything she had ever, ever wanted!

She curled up against him, trying not to cry.

She could hear him ask if she was doing alright but she could do nothing but struggle to keep her emotions under check.

"Congratulations, you two," Lily said softly. She went towards Severus and shook his hand.

"Thank you," Severus was saying, his voice still in shock. Petunia stood up and dusted her dress.

"Thank you so much for everything, Lily. We'll come back tomorrow to tell mum and dad too. But I must be getting home now,"

"You guys could stay for dinner," Lily offered.

"No, I honestly think I need some time on my own for now, Lily," Petunia laughed.

Lily hugged her. "I'm here for you. And I'm also very, very happy for you,"

XXX

Severus was still dazed as they got ready for bed.

She was clutching a pillow to her stomach, staring at the wall. Severus felt his heart wrench. He loved Petunia so much. A family with her was just so … unrealistic. He couldn't believe he was going to be a father. He felt extremely young and inexperienced. He was only nineteen. Petunia was only an year and a half older, and she was very young too. He didn't want to mess up.

When he got into bed, he looked at Petunia huddled up on her side. Pushing his hair out of his eyes, he leant down and kissed her cheek. "Petunia...stop tensing. It'll be fine. You should be happy. This is what you wanted, wasn't it?"

"Yes, but...Am I going to be a good mother?"

"You're going to be better than good," he said. "Now stop being a thick Muggle and get some rest," his tone was half teasing.

Petunia turned around, arching an eyebrow at him as her long blonde hair spilled onto the bed. "Muggle, huh? Well, _wizard_, I'll stop being so "thick"'as you say and just go to sleep,"

"I was only joking,"

"Hmph,"

He laughed, and she sat up and glared at him. "I have a right mind to kick you out of here,"

"Why are you being so moody? Doesn't that usually happen when you're more further along?"

Her face flushed and she grabbed her pillow to throw it him. Severus grabbed the object out of her grasp, leant his face sideways and kissed her.

Her eyebrows, which were knitted in anger, relaxed slightly. She pulled away after a moment, her breathing erratic.

"I'm just so...unprepared,"

"So am I,"

"It'll be, won't it, Severus?"

"It will,"

"And...we'll be happy?"

"We already are,"

"I love you, Severus,"

"I know. Stop crying. This instant,"

"Aren't _you_ being bossy today?" She muttered, wiping at her eyes. She settled down into her pillow, pushing down feelings of anxiety and trying to believe him.

Things really had changed for her.

XXX

Lily and Potter's wedding was imminent. Some days it was all Petunia could talk about. When he came home from a long day of stirring and brewing, she would give him his meal and describe the different flowers she had helped Lily pick out.

"Did you know the flowers all symbolise something? We had to be extra careful picking the bo–"

Severus tried to be invested in the talks, but he often found himself spacing out.

Once when they were sitting together on the sofa, watching a game show that Severus could not make head or tail of, she murmured something about the wedding hall and Potter's rather extravagant menu.

"They're ordering all kinds of things, Severus. Lily was horrified at the total bill but Potter said it wasn't a problem…"

"Mm,"

"The wedding is this October. Honestly, things are moving forward so quickly. Lily is getting married! And as for me," she looked at him. "_I'm_ already married,"

"It's hard to believe sometimes," he admitted.

She kissed his cheek, his slight bristle scratching at her.

When Severus scarcely reacted, Petunia grabbed his face gently and turned it towards her, kissing his lips. Her own lips were soft and insistent.

Severus pushed her gently backwards, so her head was resting on the arm of the sofa. He held both her hands in one of his and kissed her jaw, then her neck. She made a noise, and writhed slightly.

"Missed this. We barely...we barely do anything anymore,"

It was true. Most evenings when he returned home he was absolutely tired out. From sharing at least a few kisses every day, it went to much less often.

"I'm sorry. Work and … just stress from everything that's been happening has made me so busy," Severus didn't want to tell Petunia that most days he even spent studying, learning spells and practicing them.

"Excuses," she said, though her tone was mirthful. He released both of her hands and slowly unbuttoned her blouse.

He sucked hard at her neck, eliciting another noise. Petunia threw her arms around his neck and pulled him closer towards her.

"Sev'rus," she said huskily.

It never got old for him. People said feelings slowed down in intensity after you got married, but he was still as attracted to her as he had been when they had been only dating.

Her grey-blue eyes were glittering. He knew what she wanted. His hands roamed to her skirt. He grabbed the edge of it but didn't do anything further.

Her eyes flashed. "Severus," she said again, more clearly, causing him to smirk. "Please,"

Severus pulled the hem of her skirt upwards slightly. He leaned forward and whispered something in her ear that had her entire face glowing.

XXX

Later, breathing hard, they sat back up on the sofa. Petunia had pulled her skirt back up and smoothed her clothing by the time Severus had returned from getting them both a drink. He sat down as she curled up against him.

"Love you so much," she mumbled. "Sometimes I feel I love you _too_ much," She looked at him. "I bet, much, much more than you do,"

"That's not true," he replied in a quiet tone, his hand gently carding through her hair so she arched into him even closer. "Petunia...I care for you so much it drives me to distraction. I didn't know I'd feel for you that way. For anyone that way. It scares me

sometimes,"

She blushed, still not used to such compliments. "Oh, Severus,"

He looked at her, his eyes looking a little

searchingly at her face. They fell to her now buttoned blouse, her flat stomach.

"You're really...you know...aren't you?"

"What, pregnant?"

"Hmm,"

"No," she rolled her eyes. "It was all a joke,"

"I still can't believe it,"

"You can't? That's absurd. It would have happened by now, you know,"

His cheeks lit up. "Perhaps," he smirked. "Are you tired?"

"Very,"

"Let's go to bed,"

Petunia complied. Honestly, her life had settled into such a beautiful, peaceful pattern.


	26. Insecurities

**Author's Note: **Hi, before reading this chapter make sure you've read the previous chapter in case you missed it. The website was acting up on the day I published it and many people didn't even get the alert. So please look out for that. Regardless, hope you enjoy this chapter! ️

**Unspoken Wishes**

**Chapter Twenty Six**

**"Insecurities"**

* * *

That morning, they did absolutely nothing.

It was the weekend, and they spent all day closeted indoors.

They ate breakfast in the living room, slurping hot coffee and eating pancakes as Severus flipped through a subscription magazine and Petunia watched television.

Eventually, Severus sat up, took his wand out of his pocket and twitched it. The empty dishes vanished, presumably to the sink in the kitchen. He sat back and took a deep breath. "It seems like _ages_ since I've had a break from work,"

"In other words, ages since I've gotten to see you in the afternoons," Petunia said, a little resentfully, though she knew he worked for her sake.

Severus stretched out his arms, looking carefree. His sleeve dropped slightly, and Petunia could see the strange mark on his arm that he had gotten so long ago.

He turned towards her. "Well I'm here now; what do you want to do?"

She smirked, "I'd like you to help me clean up this place. Honestly, there are a couple of things piling up that I don't think we need anymore and–"

He looked incredulous and she almost laughed. She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, extending it by a few seconds.

He gently pulled her close against him.

"I'll help," he whispered in her ear, his breath hot. "But on one condition,"

"What's that?" She asked, her cheeks flushing, feeling her breath hitch at the closeness.

"I get a reward for all the cleaning,"

"Is that so? And what exactly do you want?" She asked in a mocking tone.

He smiled innocently, "You'll see,"

XXX

It was fun. Almost ridiculously so.

Petunia enjoyed cleaning and putting things in order but this took things to a new level. Severus was great company. And that was just as well, because he was her husband.

Petunia couldn't help bursting into laughter when they opened a cupboard and a puff of dust flew up into his face, causing him to sneeze and swear loudly, or even when he made sarcastic and biting remarks whenever she told him of the amount of work still remaining.

Petunia was standing on a stool, reaching for something placed high on top of the wardrobe. Severus watched her struggle for a few moments and then made a disdainful noise and pulled out his wand.

The object levitated gently onto the floor and Petunia hopped off the stool and picked it up. It was a box.

"Thanks," she said. "What's this?"

"I'm not sure...I think it's…" he went a little pale as Petunia opened it. "They're just...pictures,"

Petunia pulled out a faded photograph and let out a cry of delight, "It's you! And Lily. As teenagers,"

"During Hogwarts," he reached forward and took the box from her hands. "They're nothing. Let's get back to cleaning,"

"What's the matter? You seem like you're not particularly fond of those memories,"

"Something about them is disconcerting now,"

"Oh, Severus,"

"You're terribly sentimental. Relax. I'm fine," He kissed her cheek, feeling a surge of fondness for her. "Let's get back to work,"

They went to their bedroom next and gave it a thorough going-through before Petunia collapsed on the bed, exhausted.

"We've covered a lot," She announced. "We can take a break now,"

"We can?" He sounded relieved.

"Yep. I recall promising you something. What do you want?" Petunia raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

Severus sat down on the bed, looking down at her prone form with unmistakable greed, "Just a kiss,"

She blushed. "Alright then," She sat up and moved forward, closing her eyes. She kissed him chastely on the lips and then drew back. "There,"

"Not quite," He said, and cupped her face in his hands. He kissed her passionately, stroking her jaw.

The kiss deepened and deepened, and Petunia felt ridiculously light-headed.

She drew away, panting for breath, feeling her entire body crave more. More contact. More anything.

She pressed her palm flat against his T-shirt. His cheeks flushed slightly as her eyes caught his black ones.

XXX

Petunia's blue eyes were filled with lust. It made him feel delirious with need. Her blonde hair spilled over her shoulders, long and waist-length and very straight.

Her hand was still pressed flat against his chest, his T-shirt. He moved backwards from it and started to pull it off.

Petunia's breath hitched. Even after all this time Severus found it terribly difficult to understand why she desired him so–when there were so many other, more attractive men out there, with a better temper and personality.

But in the end, this is what it came to. She was his. _His_ wife. His blood boiled as inexplicable anger surged through him at the thought of her thinking about anyone but him.

She was unbuttoning her blouse, her head ducked and cheeks blooming with colour. She reached behind to unhook her white bra.

He pushed her back against the mattress, and started to kiss her breathless. His dark blue trousers scratched at her pale legs as her skirt rode up at each shift of movement.

Her eyes had darkened, now resembling a storm cloud instead of the sea.

She raised her knee, smirking at his sudden sharp intake of breath. He bit her bottom lip, making it vanish. "Cheek,"

She gave him a non-repentant look and then guided his hands to her skirt. His hands hooked in the waistband of it and he slowly pulled it downwards.

She was saying something breathlessly but he could not understand. Her legs wrapped around his and she kissed him hard. "_Severus_,"

It was an ideal way to spend the day off.

XXX

**October, 1979**

Petunia wasn't sure she could really see it, but she could _feel_ it… a little.

Her hand wandered to her still rather flat stomach, wondering how it would look when she was more further along. She blushed—she still couldn't believe she was having Severus's baby. That it wouldn't be long before they were _parents_.

She stared at herself in the mirror, at her mascara and perfectly applied makeup, and her blonde hair pinned up. She had on her best clothes, for it was a special occasion.

Today was Lily and Potter's wedding.

And she could hardly believe how quickly things were moving along. She felt a small flutter of excitement.

Severus, who was struggling to don clothes appropriate for the occasion, came up behind her and kissed the place where her shoulders met her neck. She shivered, shoving him away, "Bloody tease! We have a wedding to go to in about twenty minutes,"

"I am aware," he said in a flat voice, tugging at his sleeves. "This is uncomfortable,"

"You look halfway decent for once," Petunia said, handing him a comb. "Brush your tangles out and let's go,"

"My hair isn't _tangled_," he said, his tone indignant. Petunia knew. She loved Severus's hair, how dark it was in contrast to her's, and how it fell to his shoulders.

He combed anyhow as she sighed and stroked her stomach once more. He caught view of the action and said gently, "Petunia?"

"Just thinking…" she said, blushing. "I don't put out yet, do I?"

"No. You look beautiful, don't worry,"

"Are you saying I'll look bad when I _do_?"

"What? No. I didn't say that," his eyes widened. "You'll _always_ look good to me. I promise,"

She bit her lip. "Are you _sure_? You-you won't dislike me, will you? I've heard you get _rather_ large the more weeks go by and I–"

"Petunia," he said sternly. "Calm down," he squeezed her shoulder. "Why will I hate you for something natural? That would be despicable of me,"

Petunia took a deep breath and tried to relax, "Thank you, Severus. I'm sorry for freaking out. We should go,"

He nodded and took out his wand, levitating Petunia's purse and handing it to her. Petunia still found herself staring in awe when he displayed such feats of magic. She however realised that she was also growing used to it.

"One last kiss before we go?" He asked, his lips a few inches from her face, his eyes glittering, his voice deep and silky and his entire countenance one of smugness.

She couldn't resist his voice, nor his eyes. And she had always loved his lips. She gave him a disapproving look but eagerly pressed her lips against his, feeling him deepen it almost instantly.

She drew away panting. "We'll never get there at this rate,"

"No, we won't," he admitted breathlessly.

XXX

Petunia sat with him the entire time. She had to because _somebody_ had to control her crazy husband, who was getting increasingly worked up.

He swore when they first entered, tensing next to her. "Look who's here,"

"Who?" Petunia was confused. He couldn't be referring to Potter—this was _his_ wedding, after all.

But Severus's gaze was focused on the booth serving refreshments. Three men stood there in suits, laughing loudly, looking cocky and at ease.

"Those little–" she looked at him in appal as he swore. "Are here too. Well, of course. I was stupid enough to forget,"

"Who are they?"

"Let's just say we weren't exactly best friends back at Hogwarts," Severus muttered. "They're Potter's cronies,"

Petunia walked further inside, until she got an idea. "We should go say hello! We've all grown up, haven't we? This is your chance to make am—"

"I think not," he growled. "I'd rather die than have to make amends with the likes of—"

Much to both of their horror, the three men caught sight of them. One of them spluttered over his drink.

"Damn it," Severus's hand grabbed hers and pulled her away. "Let's just find a table and–"

"Snape?" One of them said. He was tall and dark-haired, and very good-looking but with an air of arrogance that made her dislike him. Next to him was a slightly shorter man, with light-coloured hair and friendly eyes, though _he_ had an air of nervousness. The third man was not very tall at all, and the one Petunia didn't like at all. He had watery blue eyes and a weedy smile.

"Black," Severus said through gritted teeth.

"How...unexpected to see you," Black said. "In fact, I'm pretty much bewildered. I can't imagine _James_ invited you,"

"As a matter of fact, he did, and so did Lily," He said. "Why? Is there a problem?"

The light-haired one grabbed the taller one by the arm and steered him away, before forcing a smile at the two of them, "Of course not. It's—wonderful to see you here, Severus. And you as well, um, miss…"

"E—" she stopped herself, realising that she wasn't really Evans anymore, was she?

"She is Lily's sister, Petunia," Severus said shortly. "I'm sure you've heard of her. We'll be off then,"

Petunia watched as they led Black away, who was flushing and looking very excitable about something.

_"What is he doing here?"_ She heard him demand.

Petunia followed Severus to a table where they sat down.

"That...could have gone worse," she said, placing her hand on his comfortingly.

"It could have…"

"Let's just relax now, and try to enjoy,"

They tried. The food and drink were delicious and Severus met many of his old schoolmates, of which he talked to only a few. Petunia found some relatives to talk to and they both congratulated her on _her_ marriage.

"He's a catch," one of her cousins laughed, sneaking a look at Severus who was downing a glass of wine, looking brooding. "I'm so very happy for you,"

Petunia smiled, blushing.

"And according to what Aunt Marie told us you're expecting as well!"

"Yes," she admitted. "I'm hardly two months along,"

"Best of luck, love,"

There were more festivities and music, and Petunia watched as Lily's friends from Hogwarts started to crowd the venue. There was an enormous and delicious cake sitting on a table and she was dying to have a taste.

Severus grew increasingly fidgety as time went on, drumming his fingers on the table. She placed a hand on his knee sternly, "Perk up a bit,"

"I'm trying," he mumbled.

Soon Lily and James entered and there was loud cheering. Petunia suddenly tensed. Severus was looking at Lily with widened eyes. She...she didn't want to believe it but was it _jealousy_? Or even worse, attraction?

Lily looked gorgeous. She was wearing a sleek white gown, with her dark red hair in an elaborate bun. Her green eyes looked more vibrant than ever with her eye makeup, and her figure looked wonderful. Petunia felt insecure of her own slim and slender body. Lily was so much more curvaceous, with curving hips and a small waist.

She felt herself hunch a little, almost unconsciously. Severus was still staring intently, now at Potter, a little crease between his eyes.

Potter looked nice as well, his hair looking windswept and a flashy grin on his face. He looked overjoyed, smug.

They took to the altar. After a while, they started to say their vows.

"I do," said Potter.

"I do," said Lily.

Severus's fists clenched a little at each vow they made and Petunia noticed it. He appeared calm but she knew him too well by now. There was still a crease between his eyes. His cheeks were stained slightly pink. His lips were set in a thin, strained line.

Did he...did he regret this? Regret marrying Petunia? Did he love Lily all along and was mourning his fate?

She felt about two inches tall.

But right at that moment, almost as if he knew, he looked at her and gave her a small smile. Petunia blinked away tears, unsure what it meant.

When Potter bent his head to kiss Lily amidst more cheering, she couldn't bear to look at Severus, who suddenly grabbed his glass and busied himself in drinking it, his eyes downcast.

The rest of the evening wasn't quite so eventful.

XXX

The wedding was a success. Everyone enjoyed thoroughly and Lily handed out slices of cake to everyone. And she hadn't been joking when she had described Potter's elaborate arrangements for the food!

She was alight with happiness, talking to everyone, laughing, kissing James on the cheek whenever he made a joke.

She hugged Petunia when she saw her. "Oh, I am _so_ glad you made it. Are you having a good time?"

"Oh, yes," Petunia mumbled.

"And where's Severus?" Lily winked.

"He's over there, talking to one of your friends,"

Severus turned around and caught sight of them, smiling, "Congratulations Lily,"

"Thanks, Sev,"

Petunia watched carefully to see any traces of envy or lies on Severus's face. Lily had already turned around and left, turning to a few girls, one of whom was crying into a handkerchief.

Their parents were emotional too, and Petunia felt awkward watching them in the midst of so many magical folk. _She_ felt awkward too.

Severus walked up to her, quiet. He glanced at Potter who was laughing with his friends, all of them looking a little tipsy, holding full glasses.

"Let's go?" He asked. Was Petunia imagining it or was there a tinge of sorrow in his voice? Regret? Unhappiness?

She shrivelled, "Yes,"

XXX

When they got home, it was late. It had been a late afternoon wedding and it was already late evening and the party was to go on until midnight apparently.

She was sleepy and considered calling it an early night. Severus was still silent as he shrugged off his jacket and threw it on the couch, rolling up his sleeves.

Petunia didn't say a word. She felt hurt. She shuffled to the kitchen, intending to make herself a cup of tea.

But Severus caught her wrist. She looked behind in confusion, surprised.

They had a good understanding of each other. Petunia flushed as she looked at his face. There seemed to be a ghost in the room–_Lily's_ ghost. Petunia wondered again how he truly felt about her, if he still loved her and if he had been jealous and resentful at the wedding.

Severus didn't say a word but she felt like he knew. Somehow.

"Jealous and resentful?" His silky voice was heavy with mirth.

"H-how?" She was shocked.

"Just a little trick I learnt, back when I worked for … for _him_. I can tell what you're thinking,"

"_What_?"

"Don't worry. I'm not that good at it and I don't use it much. And I'd never use it on you without your permission,"

"But you just—"

"You let me," Severus said seriously.

Petunia faltered. She _had_ wanted Severus to understand without her having to tell but wasn't that an abstract thought? She hadn't _told_ him that.

"Point is," and his hold on her wrist tightened. "That I'm wounded,"

"...Wounded?"

"That you think that,"

"I-I…." she was at a loss for words. What could she say?

He led her upstairs, to their bedroom. He closed the door and they both climbed into bed, Petunia feeling tense and jittery.

"Petunia, honestly, after everything?" His tone was accusatory, genuinely upset.

"I...I'm sorry I just…"

"After I risked my life with the Death Eaters for you? After I let loose of a lot of my previous beliefs and married you?"

"I didn't mean to accuse. I just…you looked…"

"I could tell you were tense at the wedding,"

"You were too,"

"But I wasn't thinking of Lily like _that_, Petunia. She's…she's like a sister to me. Now. I was thinking of how things had _changed_. Of how I was happy with _you_,"

"S-Severus," she felt tears dripping down her face.

"I am happy. I have never been so happy before. And I owe you everything and more for that. I could never regret this…" He reached forward and wiped her tears. "You can't ever think so again,"

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely, reaching forward and hugging him hard. "I'm sorry. Sometimes I'm so thick, and I always relapse back into—into the same old stupid thoughts. I love you, Severus,"

Almost as if to put the issue to rest, Severus kissed her softly, gently, with no passion or fervor but with the unmistakable sense of possessiveness she loved. She was his.

That night, they made love. Afterwards, they curled up into each other and slept soundly until the sun came up.

"'Tunia?" He mumbled, his lips tiredly pressing against her collarbone.

"Mmm?" She asked.

"I love you,"


End file.
